Stressed/Relieved (LONG sorry)

[simplyinpenguin]

So, for all that remember my back story about H (the pill popper, creepy one) and how in the past few months I've been happy, a lot has changed.

Since coming back from that big camping trip, it had occurred to me that I'm pretending to be happy when I'm just miserable. Since we've come back, he has caused me nothing but aggravation and anger. He never picks up after himself, when it's his week to do the litterbox he will put the mess in a plastic bag and then walk away from it, causing the entire house to smell like cat shit. He sees me putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher but the next day the sink is full of his dirty dishes. He drinks almost every night now (just to the point of getting buzzed, once or twice he'll get shitfaced like last night), he'll play video games for hours on end and scream at the TV the entire time, as if his opponent can hear him, I'll tell him to stop and he cops an attitude with me. I cringe when he comes home. What wife cringes when her husband comes home from work? At this point, he has not brushed his teeth in 5 days since starting my "experiment". He's worn the same shirt that he does physical labor in for the past 2 days and 2 nights straight. Yeah.

It finally, FINALLY dawned on me that he has only grown minimally during this marriage. Sure he takes on a little responsibility, but it's the same responsibilities that he had at his parents' house. He doesn't do much else. He relies on me for every thing. He actually woke me up one night and TOLD me that he was ready for me to switch the AV cables so that he can watch TV. He KNOWS how to do this! RAGE.

Today, I was juggling my laundry basket, my purse, and two plastic bags and trying to get out the front door. H saw me struggling with my load then disappeared down the stairs before I could ask him for help. The workers, who were working on our stairs, saw me struggling and helped me with the basket. Like, took it all the way to my car and put it in the back seat for me. H followed us like a puppy, despite this stranger carrying my laundry basket. I even insisted that the worker put it down, it was really unnecessary but he was willing to go that extra step for me.

I'm just so tired of having this cycle over and over. The talks, the fights, the promises of change, and then back to the same ol', only he claims to forget every fight we've had when we start a new one.

I broke down to my mom today about how really unhappy I am with H, without telling her the gory details. She said, "I can tell. I can tell you've been unhappy for a long time." Then she went on to tell me that, if I didn't have the cats (because my parents have two dogs), I would be welcomed back immediately and start the proceedings for a divorce. I cried. I was truly terrified that they would shove religion and disappointment of my "failure" down my throat if I mentioned separation. But my mom could see that I am truly miserable, she has seen first hand the idiotic stuff H would do, so she's going to help me with a plan. I really need a job pronto so that I can start my 6 month-1 year plan.

I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry, but it feels good to know that I can now walk away from this marriage with my parents' and friends' support.

[simplyinpenguin]

I know I definitely have my mom's support. My dad.....even he's starting to get tired of H's shit. I know if I tell him, he'll bitch and bitch, but my mom will calm him down and reiterate my points of view. If my mom spills the beans, I'll get a quiet phone call from him, we'll discuss it and then he'll do the "it's your life" guilt card, in which I won't accept because I have no more guilt at this point. I used to with all the sweet things he did for me, but it's been really few and far in between the bad shit lately.


No I am not working. I am still struggling for a job. The temp agencies are not helping, not even contacting me when I call them. I'm trying so hard though. I've been applying everywhere, just in hopes of getting selected for just an interview. Believe me, there's no laziness here. I WANT TO WORK. I HAVE TO WORK. I'm just trying to figure out the game when I get rejected from a job that asks for 5 years experience and I have 10. I'm even lowering my pay grade, just fucking give me a job.

I wish it was easier too. I wish for anything right now is to be financially stable so that I can just say :peace out" and go.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry that you're struggling, but I'm glad to hear that you're working through your feelings and working toward making things better. Remind me: What happened with the job at the sandwich shop?

[simplyinpenguin]

I accepted another job in a different industry and scaled my hours to only the weekend. Over the weekend that I was initially hired, I kept calling my new boss to tell him my schedule and could never get a hold of him or a call back, despite many messages I left. On Monday, the new boss ends up changing his mind about offering me the job. I went back to the sandwich shop and they had already replaced me with 3 new employees, therefore they laid me off from the weekends (which really hurts my unemployment opportunities).

[nsl]

Jun 21, 2013 21:34:29 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Get rid of the cats, and get the hell out.
Seriously.

Even as a cat owner and lover, I'm with Sue Sue.  Unless he's going to hurt the cats, I'd recommend getting out now and figuring out pet custody once you're able to get your own place.  This is no way to live.

[lime]

Would it be possible for you to temporarily have a friend house your cats so that you can move in with your parents and start divorce proceedings?

[simplyinpenguin]

I know he won't hurt the cats, but I can't exactly rely on him to actually take care of them other than throw a can of food at them. I may have to do that though, with strict intentions of getting them back. I will physically harm him if he physically harms the cats.