I almost cried at DD's bday party. A few times :(

[thebamker]

When my kids open gifts, I always make certain they give it their attention and thank (and hug) the giver right away.

Well, she is trucking along opening gifts as I play vigilant parent and give constant reminders of proper behavior. Then she opens my gift. Looks at it. Likes it. And just chucks it to the side for another. I wasn't upset with HER, but what the mother fuck is wrong with everyone else in the room? Do I have to also force my kid to say thank you and hug me too. I guess from now on, I do.

My mom was distracted but somehow caught on and spoke up to L. "Who was that last gift from honey? ... Your mom? Well did you tell her thank you?"

Sadly my mom can't always be here for bdays.

Perhaps I shouldn't let it upset me this much, but I was fighting back tears for a good hour.

[Marle]

Oh honey! Did anyone else know it was from you? If you have to remind her so often to say thank you, you already know she may miss a few people unless you're on top of her.

I'm sorry it made you sad. Perhaps you need to lower your expectations?

[sydney02]

When you say what was wrong with everyone else in the room, do you mean you wanted someone to correct your daughter? I can tell you that there is no way I'd tell someone else's kid to say thank you. Like ever.

Plus I can see how a kid would forget to thank their own parent. Like it or not, you do kind of expect a gift from your parents as a kid. I can see them forgetting to say thank you. I wouldn't take your daughter's lack of a thank you or the other guests lack of telling her as anything personal. Don't feel bad.

[jenna]

I used to practically force my SS to write thank you notes for gifts. Only recently, at the age of 12, has he started to do it on his own - without my constant reminders.

Sorry you were upset.

[margotmacomber]

 She was caught up in the moment, not thinking of anything but the next gift.  Don't be too hard on her or YOU.

She loves you.

[RoxMonster]

Jun 22, 2013 15:53:23 GMT -5 sydney02 said:

When you say what was wrong with everyone else in the room, do you mean you wanted someone to correct your daughter? I can tell you that there is no way I'd tell someone else's kid to say thank you. Like ever.

Plus I can see how a kid would forget to thank their own parent. Like it or not, you do kind of expect a gift from your parents as a kid. I can see them forgetting to say thank you. I wouldn't take your daughter's lack of a thank you or the other guests lack of telling her as anything personal. Don't feel bad.

I agree. Now, I can see your mom saying something to her (and she did), but if I was a friend of yours, I would not step in and tell your child to say thank you to anyone. I wouldn't feel it's my place. I wouldn't take it too personally.

It sucks and I understand why you were sad. But you are an awesome parent for making her thank people right away; many parents don't do that. I can't tell you how many students I have that never say thank you or please or use any sort of common manners. She is going to grow up to be such a respectful and well-mannered person because of you. Just remember that. It may take a lot of reminders when she is young but she will get there.

[Booze Raccoon]

1. I beet most people weren't paying enough attention to you prodding your daughter so it would never occur to anyone to push her to thank you.

2. I wouldn't have ordered your daughter if I were there. That's a fine line akin to disciplining someone else's kid.

3. You can't take it personally. Kids are kids, if you had to tell her to thank every other person, of course she'd miss the one you didn't tell her about.

PS - I cried at a kids party today too.

[margotmacomber]

Also, at DD's party (3) she was ripping through things so fast I couldn't even see straight.  And the neighbor kid was encouraging her to keep tearing through them (I should have shut that down but the neighbor situation is another story) and things went so fast I still don't know what came from who.  I am going to buckle down next time and make sure things are done right, but I think you need to congratulate yourself on getting her to thank everyone!  

[thebamker]

I'm not upset that she didn't thank me. I'm upset that I go to great lengths to ensure she treats my inlaws right, even though I don't like them. And her dad was here too. He said nothing.

And there were not guests in the room who were not a direct relative. Grandparents aunts and uncles. And every single one of them corrects my kids for manners all the time. Which is fine with me.

It just makes me feel alone. My kids have so much interaction with the IL's and it shows me that I am on my own with respect to teaching them how to treat me. The would have done it for each other, but they don't have to bc I'm there.

This really isn't about not getting a thank you. It goes deeper than that.

The only other person who threw out a semi-comment was BILs wife... I could tell she felt bad for me. That is how obvious it was that all the ILs were being weird.

[sydney02]

ahh I see. I can see feeling alone around inlaws. Knowing that they'd step in and say something for their son but leave you dangling in the wind. I think this is one of those situations where you had to be there. I can see how it would feel like they noticed she didn't thank you but didn't care. Or even a step further, were maybe a little gleeful and snickering about it. I can totally see my inlaws being that way if DH and I ever split.

[thebamker]

Let me be sure to make it clear that every single person at this party would have zero problem correcting my kids for any other poor behavior.

You can continue to imagine it isn't true, but the fact that it is true is why it upset me.

At times, I feel they even take it to far, but I have always let it go bc I'd rather have that then them letting my kids be monsters.

So again, them being uncomfortable to say something had nothing to do with it.

It's fine. Next time I won't be surprised and I'll be ready to deal with it.

[Deleted]

Well their dad should certainly have corrected them, even if another relative would have been questionable!

[thebamker]

Hugs Sue

[Marle]

I'm with sue sue on this. Your children love you. Your ex inlaws may have some good feelings towards you because you are the kids' mom. That's it.

Your ex was the one who loved you the most from that family and you are better of without him so..... You're not alone. You have your kids. But it's ok to feel sad about all this.

Hugs.

[mushmouse]

Jun 22, 2013 16:39:44 GMT -5 thebamker said:

I'm not upset that she didn't thank me. I'm upset that I go to great lengths to ensure she treats my inlaws right, even though I don't like them. And her dad was here too. He said nothing.

And there were not guests in the room who were not a direct relative. Grandparents aunts and uncles. And every single one of them corrects my kids for manners all the time. Which is fine with me.

It just makes me feel alone. My kids have so much interaction with the IL's and it shows me that I am on my own with respect to teaching them how to treat me. The would have done it for each other, but they don't have to bc I'm there.

This really isn't about not getting a thank you. It goes deeper than that.

The only other person who threw out a semi-comment was BILs wife... I could tell she felt bad for me. That is how obvious it was that all the ILs were being weird.

Now I see what you mean.  My brother did not talk to my SIL very nicely when their kids were young.  My nephew started trying to do the same and I definitely said something to him.  He did it maybe twice, I said "do NOT talk about your Mother like that" and that was the end of that.  On the other hand another nephew used to talk to my own sister terribly and I knew if I said anything she would flip.  I hated hearing him talk to her that way.

[speckledfrog]

You got the shaft, bam. And I'm so sorry you feel alone like that. Your ILs have always been and will always be an assy bunch of vegan shrimp. You work hard at molding your children and you live by example. One day they'll get their on their own, just keep plugging away.

[thebamker]

I need a fucking break today.

On Wednesday, xh decided that he didn't want to have her party at his house bc he couldn't get it clean in time. His house is big, my house is small and I don't even have a dining table.

I did everything for the party. He didn't so much as bring ice cream or offer to pick up some candles.

I had to get everyone ready for tball games this morning, (and i was snack mom) then host this party. And hold back tears the whole time.

Then I asked my mom to hang out for an extra 20 minutes so could go running and get some of this stress out of my system. But the ILs just wouldn't leave and my parents had a 3.5 hr drive back home. They needed to get on the road.

I feel like I might explode and I can't fucking believe it's only 6 pm.

Longest fucking day ever. Sob

[snickers]

I am really sorry you were upset at the birthday party
Sounds life you had a really rough day and I hope you can relax later, you deserve it.

[Marle]

Oh bam I'm sorry. It has to be so hard. Do you have any girlfriends that can help you with this kind of stuff? Do you want to move to FL?*


*i know this is a pipe dream. I just wish you could have more support.

[Booze Raccoon]

Jun 22, 2013 17:57:27 GMT -5 thebamker said:

I need a fucking break today.

On Wednesday, xh decided that he didn't want to have her party at his house bc he couldn't get it clean in time. His house is big, my house is small and I don't even have a dining table.

I did everything for the party. He didn't so much as bring ice cream or offer to pick up some candles.

I had to get everyone ready for tball games this morning, (and i was snack mom) then host this party. And hold back tears the whole time.

Then I asked my mom to hang out for an extra 20 minutes so could go running and get some of this stress out of my system. But the ILs just wouldn't leave and my parents had a 3.5 hr drive back home. They needed to get on the road.

I feel like I might explode and I can't fucking believe it's only 6 pm.

Longest fucking day ever. Sob

I completely get you.  I thought this kind of shit only happened to me.  I feel this exasperated every day.  I have shitty in-laws too.  My husband is still around but he's not at all helpful (that's a story for another day).  I hope you can find some alone time tonight.  It's not easy doing it all.  

[sonrisa]

Jun 22, 2013 16:39:44 GMT -5 thebamker said:

This isn't the first time your husband and in-laws didn't treat you with respect. In fact, that seemed to be the default when you were married. I can't imagine things will improve now. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. On the bright side, you've done what you can to separate yourself from that with the divorce. You don't have to live that every day any more.

[emsumm]

((bam))

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry It really sucks to take the high road and have people around you be petty and bitter. There's a reason you got out of that family. I guess it doesn't hurt any less in the moment

[Saint Monica]

((Bam))


Maybe it is time to think about separate family birthday parties/alternate years?

[karmasabiotch]

She loves you every day and takes for granted that she doesn't need to thank you because you do everything for her. Don't give your IL any power to make you feel sad.