Talk to me about destination weddings

[Deleted]

So we're talking about getting hitched this fall and SO keeps throwing out all these ideas for locations that are 5-6  hours and more away from us.  They're all places that I think would be fantastic but how do you go about coordinating and planning something from that far away?  Do you just turn it all over to someone else to do for you? Do you have to go down there a few times to work with someone?   How much input do you get if you're planning from afar?    I'm by no means a control freak and, frankly, would be just as happy marrying him at the garbage dump while wearing a potato sack, but if we're going to do a wedding, even one with only 10-12 people, which is what we're thinking, I do still want to be actively involved in putting it together so it reflects us. Then again, the idea of mostly handing it over and just showing up with a dress also sounds awesome.   Can someone who's done the DW thing before please explain this for me?   Pluses/minuses?  Regrets?

[litebright]

I don't have any advice, I'm just really happy for you.

Is there a reason you don't want to do something closer, like up in the mountains? Are the locations you're considering closer to SO's family, or just places that you guys want to go anyway?

[rosiedozie]

If it's at a resort that does frequent destinations weddings, they can handle a lot of the planning for you. A friend got married in the DR and another friend got married in Mexico - neither of them had to do much of anything because the resort handled so much of it.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2013 17:33:18 GMT -5 litebright said:

I don't have any advice, I'm just really happy for you.

Is there a reason you don't want to do something closer, like up in the mountains? Are the locations you're considering closer to SO's family, or just places that you guys want to go anyway?

HELLO!  Thank you!!   I don't know either why we would go somewhere else when we have eleventy billion amazing mountain, outdoorsy places right here.   No.  The places he's suggesting  aren't closer to anything or family.  Just places he likes.  Well, with the exception of Taos, which I suggested, if we're going to go somewhere, because so much of our history involves NM and no matter what we do, I'm going to want a lot of NM touches included anyway. I'd rather just run up to Summit County or Estes Park, to be honest.

[foundmylazybum]

Jun 22, 2013 17:29:10 GMT -5 @wonderred said:

So we're talking about getting hitched this fall and SO keeps throwing out all these ideas for locations that are 5-6  hours and more away from us.  They're all places that I think would be fantastic but how do you go about coordinating and planning something from that far away?  Do you just turn it all over to someone else to do for you? Do you have to go down there a few times to work with someone?   How much input do you get if you're planning from afar?    I'm by no means a control freak and, frankly, would be just as happy marrying him at the garbage dump while wearing a potato sack, but if we're going to do a wedding, even one with only 10-12 people, which is what we're thinking, I do still want to be actively involved in putting it together so it reflects us. Then again, the idea of mostly handing it over and just showing up with a dress also sounds awesome.   Can someone who's done the DW thing before please explain this for me?   Pluses/minuses?  Regrets?

Hello..

I don't post regularly here but I can probably answer some of your questions--we strongly considered and were planning a destination wedding--in CO .


A lot of the answers to your questions are--it depends!

For instance, we were *this close* to getting married in Italy, and for us personally, there--yes we would have turned almost everything over to a wedding planner there--food, flowers etc.  We would have had some say in things--like we would have still said "Hey we prefer yellow flowers, lamb and red wine" but if it came out as red flowers, chicken and white wine--welp..we kind of had to just prepare ourselves for saying "It's Italy yay!"

We lived in AZ and also strongly considered places in the mountains in CO--Telluride and a couple other places--

Again it really, really varies. If you got married at a resort in Telluride--they have a coordinator who helps you, but they still have a lot of things to choose from--and some places will have variety--you must go all the way through them OR you can choose your own food, flower venders from their lists etc.


BUT! Another super neat thing you could consider is something like--getting married in a park--then having the reception in a restaurant--and then-yes, you are master and commander of your ship.

It really just depends on what you are looking for.

My friends got married in Mexico last year and almost everything was planned out--they had a set menu, set venue etc.
It was beautiful, fun and easy.

If we had gone the destination route--for Italy--we wouldn't have visited before hand...I would have thrown caution to the wind.

If we had done CO--I probably would have visited--b/c we are from CO and so visiting is easy.

My friend who got married in Mexico--she had actually been to that resort before for a wedding and loved it so much she decided to get married there!

In ALL the situations I described above--the people we worked with totally did listen to our needs and tried to meet them in accordance with what they offered. This is the wedding business! They want to make you happy .

Good luck...if we were to get married again, I would go off to Crested Butte in one hot second, get married in a field and then have a fun dinner!

That would be AH MAZING in the fall. Just sayin'

[keyslover]

I liked it because it meant less people at the wedding  
I didn't really care too much about any of the little details- including flowers for myself and bridesmaids.  I just said "tropical" and was happy.  Also, centerpieces, I didn't care and kept it simple.  

If you are comfortable making decisions site unseen, then go for it.  We had been to our DW location on vacation prior to going for our wedding so we knew what we were getting ourselves into. . .somewhat.  I cared more about food and drink so I focused on those.  It did help that our location was pretty cool and had enough to it that we didn't worry about decorating.

[pantsparty]

My husband I planned a wedding that was 4 hours away from where we lived at the time. We made 2 trips to the area where our wedding was and I researched vendors thoroughly in advance and the ones that we met with are the ones that we ended up hiring. I would forget about DIYing any details, hiring vendors is just so much easier. I would also recommend hiring a day of coordinator or even a wedding planner. My only regret was not getting a hair and makeup trial done in advance. We just didn't have time before our wedding to get this done between getting our marriage license and the rehearsal dinner and some other last minute details.

[litebright]

Jun 22, 2013 17:44:31 GMT -5 @wonderred said:

Jun 22, 2013 17:33:18 GMT -5 litebright said:

I don't have any advice, I'm just really happy for you.

Is there a reason you don't want to do something closer, like up in the mountains? Are the locations you're considering closer to SO's family, or just places that you guys want to go anyway?

HELLO!  Thank you!!   I don't know either why we would go somewhere else when we have eleventy billion amazing mountain, outdoorsy places right here.   No.  The places he's suggesting  aren't closer to anything or family.  Just places he likes.  Well, with the exception of Taos, which I suggested, if we're going to go somewhere, because so much of our history involves NM and no matter what we do, I'm going to want a lot of NM touches included anyway. I'd rather just run up to Summit County or Estes Park, to be honest.

I would probably keep floating that idea. He probably doesn't realize what a hassle it'll be to plan distantly compared to something that's at least in-state where you could pop up for a day and visit venues/restaurants, etc. Or he may just see it as a chance to travel a bit to somewhere he'd like you all to go, vs. getting married somewhere that is close by. 

Fall would be such a beautiful time up there, too. Are you guys planning any mountain camping trips this summer that might persuade him? Where there aren't huge fires, that is. 

[suzyp]

I agree with PP, it depends on where you get married, so I will share my anecdote!

I got married in Mexico. Initially wanted to do it myself because I did not want a cookie cutter resort wedding, but had a really hard time picking the actual destination. (Went to Grand Cayman to scope it out and it was WAY too expensive, etc.). Finally spoke to a travel agent who specialized in destination weddings who was fantastic about helping us figure out the where. We decided on Mexico (east coast) because our families were all on the east coast of the U.S. I am a bit anal and a control freak, so we went and toured a few places and loved one place (where we ended up getting married). We used the TA to negotiate rates, deal with collecting everyone's payments, etc. For the actual wedding, we were sent a packet from the resort for our dinner, flowers, set up, extras, etc. This was what I thought I did not want, but man, it was SO EASY. DH and I basically planned the whole wedding on a 1.5 hour car trip. We sent in what we wanted and the day before the wedding, we met with the planner and went over everything. Easy, peasey. We did have a problem about a month before the wedding with the recpetion site - the resort tried to tell us something different than what we were told on our site visit - the TA was essential in fixing this issue and helped with my sanity, because I was pretty livid.

We had 16 guests at our wedding - only immediate family. It was wonderful. We did get some initial pushback because it seemed expensive becuase my family had never been to an all-inclusive resort, but it was perfect once we got there and they realized what the concept meant. (To quote my Mom "they just keep bringing me more champagne").

The nest destination wedding board was really helpful when I planned my wedding. There's also a website called bestdestinationwedding or someething like that with more site/state/resort specific boards.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2013 17:45:22 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

 get married in a field and then have a fun dinner!

Yep.  That's pretty much all I want.   I just need to convince him that simple is enough because last night we was worried about putting money aside for something really nice for me.    Really.  I think a field with a great view and a native American officiant, our parents and one attendant (and their spouse) each,  followed by BBQ is more than really nice.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2013 17:56:01 GMT -5 litebright said:

Fall would be such a beautiful time up there, too. Are you guys planning any mountain camping trips this summer that might persuade him? Where there aren't huge fires, that is. 

Well our vacation cabin may burn to the ground in the West Fork fire.   

We do so many weekend trips the weekends DS is with X so maybe I can get him back up to Estes to look at a few options.  We also stayed at the lodge at Keystone for a conference in April and loved it and their lounge would be perfect for a semi-private dinner if we could just find a good outdoor space for the ceremony.  Maybe I should raise that option with him.

[MrsAxilla]

We got married in Jamaica and did everything through the resort's wedding planner. The hardest part was pucking the resort! We had a lot of input into the details, but not really a final say. Like someone else mentioned, we said 'yellow and white orchids and tropical flowers', but we didn't get to pick the florist or see the bouquets beforehand. But we were in Jamaica with all our friends and family; who cares if the flowers are perfect?

We didn't tour beforehand or anything. We just looked at a lot of pictures and reviews. It was a little bit of a leap of faith, but it worked out and was totally worth it.

[bryantpark]

Sorry to be a party pooper but I am not a fan at all. I thinking asking people to spend possibly $1,000 or more and give a gift is a bit much - we have one out of the country and it is costing us $4,000 easy. People love to say "oh well, everyone will enjoy going to xX destination" but for many people it's still an obligation on someone else's timeline. If you're trying to keep the crowd small, which it sounds like maybe you do, then it's a good tactic and I am sure immediate family would be thrilled, but if you expect loads of people and lots friends/extended family, it might backfire in the form of annoyed guests. I know a lot of people love them but that's just my opinion.

[foundmylazybum]

Jun 22, 2013 17:57:36 GMT -5 @wonderred said:

Jun 22, 2013 17:45:22 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

 get married in a field and then have a fun dinner!

Yep.  That's pretty much all I want.   I just need to convince him that simple is enough because last night we was worried about putting money aside for something really nice for me.    Really.  I think a field with a great view and a native American officiant, our parents and one attendant (and their spouse) each,  followed by BBQ is more than really nice.

I was a witness to this exact type of wedding at bear lake in rmnp in march... It was lovely. If that's what you want, keep saying so!

[Deleted]

We got married in Cabo. Mostly because we did not want a big wedding. We invited 65 to come down and 3 months before our wedding the economy started to tank and only 35
RSVP'd. People started losing their jobs, etc and we only ended up with 17 ppl coming down. We own a timeshare in Cabo and go down all the time.
On one of our trips we found a wedding planner and went around and looked at sites, etc.. I basically emailed her all my ideas and she made it happen. I basically showed up and everything was all done for me. It was beautiful and everything I wanted. My only regret is that so many friends and family couldn't participate. But we did have a huge reception back home with over 100 people.

[MrsAxilla]

Jun 22, 2013 18:17:46 GMT -5 bryantpark said:

Sorry to be a party pooper but I am not a fan at all. I thinking asking people to spend possibly $1,000 or more and give a gift is a bit much - we have one out of the country and it is costing us $4,000 easy. People love to say "oh well, everyone will enjoy going to xX destination" but for many people it's still an obligation on someone else's timeline. If you're trying to keep the crowd small, which it sounds like maybe you do, then it's a good tactic and I am sure immediate family would be thrilled, but if you expect loads of people and lots friends/extended family, it might backfire in the form of annoyed guests. I know a lot of people love them but that's just my opinion.

Eh.  It costs $1000 or more to travel just about anywhere.  We spent $1500 on travel and hotels alone to go to New York for a wedding last weekend.  None of our family lives near us; everyone was going to have to travel.  We priced it all out and at the time, it was basically a wash.  

[brooke77]

We had a DW in Mexico. I chose the resort based on recommendations from friends and communications with the wedding coordinator beforehand. We had immediate family and a couple friends only. It was perfect. Once we arrived, we just had to meet with the wedding coordinator for about a half hour to finalize the details (seat ribbon colors, bouquet/boutinaire, cake flavor, etc). If you are thinking of a DW, I think it's best if you're ok with everything happening for you. If you're really into the details, it may stress you.

[lolly]

I got married about 4 hours from where I live. The location was very special for us, and we only had about 50 people. It was perfect.

I did 3-4 trips to meet with vendors, see sites, etc. I did a lot by phone and email. If you go this route definitely hire a coordinator - I had a day of coordinator who took over everything a couple weeks before - she confirmed all the details, set up our ceremony and reception sites, and just made sure everything was smooth. Best money I spent.

[zitiqueen]

Jun 22, 2013 18:17:46 GMT -5 bryantpark said:

Sorry to be a party pooper but I am not a fan at all. I thinking asking people to spend possibly $1,000 or more and give a gift is a bit much - we have one out of the country and it is costing us $4,000 easy. People love to say "oh well, everyone will enjoy going to xX destination" but for many people it's still an obligation on someone else's timeline. If you're trying to keep the crowd small, which it sounds like maybe you do, then it's a good tactic and I am sure immediate family would be thrilled, but if you expect loads of people and lots friends/extended family, it might backfire in the form of annoyed guests. I know a lot of people love them but that's just my opinion.

The wonderful thing about wedding invitations, whether for a local wedding or a destination wedding, is they're just that -- invitations. They aren't subpoenas. People are allowed to say no.

[Deleted]

I got married in Vegas, with just immediate family invited. We went there once to look at venues and stuff, then did all the rest of the planning online. Most of it was through a wedding planner at the hotel we got married at, the rest I just found and booked through email. It was easy-peasy (except when I had to fax a shitload of signed documents. Who faxes things anymore??)

[Booze Raccoon]

I planned our wedding from afar ...

I didn't like that I didn't get to do the normal bridal tasks, specifically the food and cake tasting.  I didn't see the reception venue until the day before, had to transport my dress on a 5 hour flight, which meant DH saw it (not that I really cared, but it was worth mentioning).

The good points, I never really felt the stress that I hear others feel while planning their weddings.  I can't really tell you why I didn't feel any stress.  Maybe because I felt so removed.  When all was said and done, it all worked out fine and we had a great day.

No matter where you have yours, I'm sure it will be special to you and your future H.  

[bryantpark]

Jun 22, 2013 20:36:33 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

Jun 22, 2013 18:17:46 GMT -5 bryantpark said:

Sorry to be a party pooper but I am not a fan at all. I thinking asking people to spend possibly $1,000 or more and give a gift is a bit much - we have one out of the country and it is costing us $4,000 easy. People love to say "oh well, everyone will enjoy going to xX destination" but for many people it's still an obligation on someone else's timeline. If you're trying to keep the crowd small, which it sounds like maybe you do, then it's a good tactic and I am sure immediate family would be thrilled, but if you expect loads of people and lots friends/extended family, it might backfire in the form of annoyed guests. I know a lot of people love them but that's just my opinion.

The wonderful thing about wedding invitations, whether for a local wedding or a destination wedding, is they're just that -- invitations. They aren't subpoenas. People are allowed to say no.

Oh I agree, but sometimes it just isn't that easy, for a variety of reasons/family politics. Especially if they know you can afford it. Though that doesn't always mean you "want" to afford it. I'm cranky about these things, I get that.