Am I a prude??

[doriswe]

Humor me....I'm stuck in the car with my crazy mom and my wacky kids (I brought my computer so I can send out SOS'es!!) and am pondering life. Since my divorce (November 2011) I have gone out on a grand total of 2 dates. (I did have a 3 month casual relationship before I was divorced August-October)

Anyway, I've had offers to go out but I tend to turn them down if I don't see any real potential. For example, if he wants kids (I'm 99% sure I'm done with babies). I guess I don't see a point in wasting their time if I know there are things we're not on the same page with. So does this make me a prude or is this normal?

I'll also add, I'm really okay with not being in a relationship most of the time and I do like meeting new people!

[Deleted]

I dont think you are being a prude, but i think you could be missing out on a lot of fun and missing out on some good men.

My 2nd H said he never wanted kids...(i have 3) i was like who cares he was fun and i had a good time. I wasnt looking for a seri9ous thing just someone to have fun with! He never wanted to get married either!

Well we have been married for 6 years!!!

If i had blown him off because we didnt want the same things...id be missing out sharing my lfe with a great guy!~

PS a lot of my friends wanted me to stop dating him because of his feelings...

[bowies]

Normal. If you're looking for something serious, don't waste time on someone you'll have compatibility issues with. If you're looking for booty, and he's looking for booty, then that's different.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 9:25:48 GMT -5 mags said:

I dont think you are being a prude, but i think you could be missing out on a lot of fun and missing out on some good men.

My 2nd H said he never wanted kids...(i have 3) i was like who cares he was fun and i had a good time. I wasnt looking for a seri9ous thing just someone to have fun with! He never wanted to get married either!

Well we have been married for 6 years!!!

If i had blown him off because we didnt want the same things...id be missing out sharing my lfe with a great guy!~

PS a lot of my friends wanted me to stop dating him because of his feelings...

I think this is my real fear! I don't want to write anyone off, but I just know where I stand with having more kids and I guess I don't think it would be fair for me to date someone who knew he wanted some (or more).

[bullygirl979]

Doris, I don't think you are being a prude! I think you are being intelligent and self aware!

I agree that there are some things that maybe you can give a pass on, but I agree that kids are not one of them. It isn't fair to date a guy who DEFINITELY wants kids of his own if you are DEFINITELY not willing to have a baby.

I give you tons of credit for knowing yourself and not bending on your non-negotiables just to be in a relationship. This is why I pink puffy heart you! :heart:

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 9:36:53 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Doris, I don't think you are being a prude! I think you are being intelligent and self aware!

I agree that there are some things that maybe you can give a pass on, but I agree that kids are not one of them. It isn't fair to date a guy who DEFINITELY wants kids of his own if you are DEFINITELY not willing to have a baby.

I give you tons of credit for knowing yourself and not bending on your non-negotiables just to be in a relationship. This is why I pink puffy heart you!

Awwww, you DO like me!!!

Thanks!

[Deleted]

But I do not understand why you can not just date someone to have a good time and get out of the house. Why does it have to be he is a contender for LTR from the get go?

[bullygirl979]

Jun 14, 2012 9:45:27 GMT -5 mags said:

But I do not understand why you can not just date someone to have a good time and get out of the house. Why does it have to be he is a contender for LTR from the get go?

I don't know. Being in my 30's I guess I feel that I would be wasting time dating someone that I know isn't LTR material. Because if I am dating that "fun" person that I am not available to be dating the LTR material type person. In my 20's I guess I didn't worry too much about the compatibility of my partner--I did just want to have fun. But being 33, I am ready to get married and start a family. So why waste time with someone that I know isn't a candidate for that?

[dakotadangerdog]

I don't get how that would make you a prude. Maybe I don't understand the meaning of prude? PRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE is a funny word. No, I'm not on drugs.

[gozf]

Not a prude!

/bangs gavel

[doriswe]

Maybe part of it is the time constraints. I work full time and have my kids 90% of the time. And while I can leave DD to babysit DS, it's still hard to wiggle the time away into my schedule.

But Mags, you do make valid points. I'm open to meeting new people and having fun, so maybe I should lighten up a little and see what happens.

[farfalla2011]

I don't think there is anything wrong with turning those guys down. To have or not have kids is really a big issue. And most people are pretty decided one way or another.

I think it kind of sounds like the bigger factor is you are happy with being on your own - which is a great thing! No matter if you are missing out on some great guys or not, if you are happy as is, enjoy being happy. I'm thinking when the right person comes along you'll be good with pursuing it.

I definitely don't think your prude because of this!

[achase123]

I don't think you're a prude at all. I don't see the point in going out with someone if you know before the date that there are differences that would be dealbreakers.

Either you might end up really liking the person and compromise what YOU want OR you might end up realizing that your instincts were correct and you want different things.

[naeljun]

Jun 14, 2012 9:50:56 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 14, 2012 9:45:27 GMT -5 mags said:

But I do not understand why you can not just date someone to have a good time and get out of the house. Why does it have to be he is a contender for LTR from the get go?

I don't know. Being in my 30's I guess I feel that I would be wasting time dating someone that I know isn't LTR material. Because if I am dating that "fun" person that I am not available to be dating the LTR material type person. In my 20's I guess I didn't worry too much about the compatibility of my partner--I did just want to have fun. But being 33, I am ready to get married and start a family. So why waste time with someone that I know isn't a candidate for that?

I'm this same way. I don't date. Not that I even get asked out but still, I don't feel the need to take my free time and spend it with someone I have no interest in getting to know better or has a different expectations.

I don't think it makes you a prude at all. I think you just know what you want.

[jm5855]

Yes..you are in fact a prude. I went to the wiki page for prude and sure as shit your picture was on there. You really need to get over yourself...and quickly.

Hahahahahaha

Heck no you arent a prude Doris!! I can see both Bully's and Mag's point of views...so maybe find a happy medium??? And no I dont have a clue what that means...lol.

[starburst604]

I'm with you, I have no reason just do date for "fun".

[starburst604]

Hit reply too soon. When I was dating I didn't bother meeting men who didn't want kids. I do, and they aren't going to change my mind so why expect they will change theirs?

[bullygirl979]

Jun 14, 2012 10:54:40 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Yes..you are in fact a prude. I went to the wiki page for prude and sure as shit your picture was on there. You really need to get over yourself...and quickly.

Hahahahahaha

Heck no you arent a prude Doris!! I can see both Bully's and Mag's point of views...so maybe find a happy medium??? And no I dont have a clue what that means...lol.

Maybe the happy medium is this: if you are just looking for fun, date whoever you want. If you want a LTR, be true to yourself and stick to your dealbreakers. However, don't limit yourself too much on things that aren't tried and true dealbreakers and are maybe just preferences.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 10:54:40 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Yes..you are in fact a prude. I went to the wiki page for prude and sure as shit your picture was on there. You really need to get over yourself...and quickly.

Hahahahahaha

Heck no you arent a prude Doris!! I can see both Bully's and Mag's point of views...so maybe find a happy medium??? And no I dont have a clue what that means...lol.

And you, my friend, can bite me!!! But was my picture on the wiki page hot?? That is the real question!!

Thanks for the input JM!

[jm5855]

Jun 14, 2012 11:00:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 10:54:40 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Yes..you are in fact a prude. I went to the wiki page for prude and sure as shit your picture was on there. You really need to get over yourself...and quickly.

Hahahahahaha

Heck no you arent a prude Doris!! I can see both Bully's and Mag's point of views...so maybe find a happy medium??? And no I dont have a clue what that means...lol.

And you, my friend, can bite me!!! But was my picture on the wiki page hot?? That is the real question!!

Thanks for the input JM!

Yes it was hot. Was a picture of you and Bully making out...seemed like an inappropriate picture for a page explaining what prude means.

[letyourselfgo]

Jun 14, 2012 10:56:58 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

I'm with you, I have no reason just do date for "fun".

I'm with the both of you. When I dated, I always did so with an LTR in mind.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 11:08:04 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Jun 14, 2012 11:00:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

And you, my friend, can bite me!!! But was my picture on the wiki page hot?? That is the real question!!

Thanks for the input JM!

Yes it was hot. Was a picture of you and Bully making out...seemed like an inappropriate picture for a page explaining what prude means.

Awesome...I'm glad they picked that one!!

[bowies]

After my divorce, I dated for fun at first and then when I met someone who intrigued me, we dated exclusively for a while. If that didn't pan out, I rinsed and repeated.

I think it's possible to get out there and date casually until you meet someone you want to pursue a LTR with. As long as you're both on the same page about being non-exclusive, I don't see the harm. I also don't see the harm in only looking for something serious. Neither option makes you a prude or a ho.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 10:22:37 GMT -5 gozf said:

Not a prude!

/bangs gavel

I like you, I like you a lot!!

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 11:00:01 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 14, 2012 10:54:40 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Yes..you are in fact a prude. I went to the wiki page for prude and sure as shit your picture was on there. You really need to get over yourself...and quickly.

Hahahahahaha

Heck no you arent a prude Doris!! I can see both Bully's and Mag's point of views...so maybe find a happy medium??? And no I dont have a clue what that means...lol.

Maybe the happy medium is this: if you are just looking for fun, date whoever you want. If you want a LTR, be true to yourself and stick to your dealbreakers. However, don't limit yourself too much on things that aren't tried and true dealbreakers and are maybe just preferences.

Solid advice!!!

[heavenly]

Jun 14, 2012 9:50:56 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 14, 2012 9:45:27 GMT -5 mags said:

But I do not understand why you can not just date someone to have a good time and get out of the house. Why does it have to be he is a contender for LTR from the get go?

I don't know. Being in my 30's I guess I feel that I would be wasting time dating someone that I know isn't LTR material. Because if I am dating that "fun" person that I am not available to be dating the LTR material type person. In my 20's I guess I didn't worry too much about the compatibility of my partner--I did just want to have fun. But being 33, I am ready to get married and start a family. So why waste time with someone that I know isn't a candidate for that?

I am in the exact same boat as you minus the 2 dates. I have not gone out on any official date since my divorce and separation that was almost a year ago. I do get a lot of attentions and looks from men.

I know myself more now and I know what I want. I also think it is hard work holding myself accountable and I do reap rewards of having a peaceful and drama free lifestyle from it. But... on the flip side, instead of going out on random dates, I do make more effort to build friendships and getting to know other people as friends first. I have a much wider circle of friends now. I do go out and have fun quite often but in a way there is less pressure and where I am myself. I want someone to like me for who I am and not because I dressed sexy one night and such... I just need to be patience.

I also love my life right now and will do anything to preserve it for as well as my ds having a good life too. In the past, being curious has cause a lot of trouble for me so I am playing safe by having fun without risking dangers. But I am more aware what is dangerous for me now compared to my naive self many years ago.

I have nothing to lose by waiting for the right person.

[BookLover]

Jun 14, 2012 10:22:37 GMT -5 gozf said:

Not a prude!

/bangs gavel

:Y: Agreed