should I do something for him for Father's Day?

[GibsonGirl128]

I know his ex-wife isn't going to go out of her way to do anything for him for Father's Day, so he may not even get a card from his little one. (She won't even let him see her because it's not "his weekend", even though he let her go back a day early on Mother's Day when it was his weekend.) I know I'm not their mother or really have much to do with anything since I've only met the little one once, but he's a great dad that deserves something. It would break my heart to see him completely ignored on Father's Day :-(

WWYD?

[Deleted]

You can wish him a happy father's day but I think it would be awkward to get him a card or something. He is not your father or the father of your children.

He has a sixteen year old daughter. If she is at all close to him she will get him a card.

Signed, daughter of divorced parents who always made sure they got father's day/mother's day gifts from us

[doriswe]

I agree with tacom! One DD is old enough to do something herself (if she wants) and the other is little enough where they probably do crafts or something at school or daycare or whatever.

[GibsonGirl128]

I'm sure they'll do something at school, but he won't get it until the following weekend. I just feel bad that he won't have anything actually *on* the right day. I just can't believe that he's not even allowed to see her on Father's Day for just a little bit, when he was nice enough to let her go back to her mom ALL DAY on Mother's Day.

I could make him a special breakfast or something, that wouldn't be weird, right?

[kellbell191]

I think taking him to lunch or making him breakfast is fine, but I wouldn't get him anything.

[letyourselfgo]

Take him to lunch.

[doriswe]

I think YOU making a big deal out of it is weird....he's not your child's father. You are not their step-mother. I don't know his deal with the kids' mom(s), but if wanted to spend the day with them he either needs to schedule it with her or get it in the CO that he has the kids on that day.

And I repeat, I think it is weird that YOU want to make a big deal out of this.

[Deleted]

Making breakfast would be fine if you must, but I would definitely avoid cards/tangible gifts/even a "you deserve this so much." I just think it would be too much. "enjoy babe- you deserve it for being such a great father" is awkward when 1) you haven't met one of his daughters 2) you've only seen him interact with the youngest once.

You may love him and appreciate him as a person but at this point in your relationship it's impossible for you to love him as a father to someone. I would let his daughters handle that.

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2012 11:25:13 GMT -5 doriswe said:

And I repeat, I think it is weird that YOU want to make a big deal out of this.

:Y: :Y: :Y:

[udscoobychick]

I agree with PP. Last Father's Day, BF and I had only been together for 6 months, and I had not met his kids yet. I wished him happy Father's Day, and left it at that. I think anything more is going a bit overboard, as he is still just a BF to you.

[GibsonGirl128]

I guess I'm just looking at it as, if I had a child and my ex had them on Mother's Day and wouldn't let me see them, I'd be really sad. And if a friend or BF or one of my parents or anyone gave me a flower or just did something to recognize me on that actual day, it would ease the sting slightly, let me know that someone recognizes that I'm sad and is wanting me to feel better.

I guess guys wouldn't think that way, though.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 12:11:43 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

I guess I'm just looking at it as, if I had a child and my ex had them on Mother's Day and wouldn't let me see them, I'd be really sad. And if a friend or BF or one of my parents or anyone gave me a flower or just did something to recognize me on that actual day, it would ease the sting slightly, let me know that someone recognizes that I'm sad and is wanting me to feel better.

I guess guys wouldn't think that way, though.

If he wants to spend time with his kid on Father's Day, he needs to make that happen either by working with the mom or the courts. That's the bottom line.

[prettyinpearls]

I don't see anything wrong with getting him a cute card. Last year FF got me a card for Mother's Day (we had been dating 3 months) and simply signed it "I hope you have a great Mother's Day...you deserve it!" And put his name and DS' name. I was actually very touched that he thought to do something like that for me. Simple, but very sweet.

[lovelybb]

I got D a card that pretty much says you're a great man and great dad, but we've been dating for 10 months and I've spent an extensive amount of time with his kids. I'm mailing it to him because we're not going to spend the day together, he'll be spending it with his kids.

I think a card and lunch would be fine but don't make a big fuss over it. PP are right, if he wants to see his kids, he needs to make it happen and if he can't, I'm sure he'll deal with it. It was nice of him to let them spend Mother's Day with their Mom, but if it's not in the court papers and she's not in a generous mood, you can't do much about it.

[stephbfan]

Jun 14, 2012 12:14:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:11:43 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

I guess I'm just looking at it as, if I had a child and my ex had them on Mother's Day and wouldn't let me see them, I'd be really sad. And if a friend or BF or one of my parents or anyone gave me a flower or just did something to recognize me on that actual day, it would ease the sting slightly, let me know that someone recognizes that I'm sad and is wanting me to feel better.

I guess guys wouldn't think that way, though.

If he wants to spend time with his kid on Father's Day, he needs to make that happen either by working with the mom or the courts. That's the bottom line.

I agree with Doris here.
However, I don't see how is it weird to get him a card. Unless she is going overboard, a card is just a nice gesture.

[GibsonGirl128]

Jun 14, 2012 12:14:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:11:43 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

I guess I'm just looking at it as, if I had a child and my ex had them on Mother's Day and wouldn't let me see them, I'd be really sad. And if a friend or BF or one of my parents or anyone gave me a flower or just did something to recognize me on that actual day, it would ease the sting slightly, let me know that someone recognizes that I'm sad and is wanting me to feel better.

I guess guys wouldn't think that way, though.

If he wants to spend time with his kid on Father's Day, he needs to make that happen either by working with the mom or the courts. That's the bottom line.

So, POOF and it'll happen, huh?

I think you've missed the point where the mother isn't allowing him to see her this weekend. She often will work with schedule changes if need be, but lately she's been a bitch about things (to the point of telling him a couple of weeks ago that her school talent show started at 3 when it actually started at 2. He was able to take the time off work and drive nearly an hour to see it, only to get there at the end after he'd missed her.)

And I don't think that they'd be able to get it taken care of in court in the week between her telling him no and the actual day.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 12:32:58 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:14:52 GMT -5 doriswe said:

If he wants to spend time with his kid on Father's Day, he needs to make that happen either by working with the mom or the courts. That's the bottom line.

So, POOF and it'll happen, huh?

I think you've missed the point where the mother isn't allowing him to see her this weekend. She often will work with schedule changes if need be, but lately she's been a bitch about things (to the point of telling him a couple of weeks ago that her school talent show started at 3 when it actually started at 2. He was able to take the time off work and drive nearly an hour to see it, only to get there at the end after he'd missed her.)

And I don't think that they'd be able to get it taken care of in court in the week between her telling him no and the actual day.

Of course I don't think it will just magically happen. HOWEVER, if it's important to him (and it should be), he should get his ass into court to have that date as "his" each year. This isn't the first year he's a dad, correct??

Listen, I'm not trying to a bitch here, but this is a new-ish relationship and you are trying too hard to be a part of the family. Wish him a happy Father's Day and move on. I get wanting to make him feel better and all of that, but you're trying to hard to inject yourself into his world.

[lovelybb]

Jun 14, 2012 12:40:13 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:32:58 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

So, POOF and it'll happen, huh?

I think you've missed the point where the mother isn't allowing him to see her this weekend. She often will work with schedule changes if need be, but lately she's been a bitch about things (to the point of telling him a couple of weeks ago that her school talent show started at 3 when it actually started at 2. He was able to take the time off work and drive nearly an hour to see it, only to get there at the end after he'd missed her.)

And I don't think that they'd be able to get it taken care of in court in the week between her telling him no and the actual day.

Of course I don't think it will just magically happen. HOWEVER, if it's important to him (and it should be), he should get his ass into court to have that date as "his" each year. This isn't the first year he's a dad, correct??

Listen, I'm not trying to a bitch here, but this is a new-ish relationship and you are trying too hard to be a part of the family. Wish him a happy Father's Day and move on. I get wanting to make him feel better and all of that, but you're trying to hard to inject yourself into his world.

:Y: :Y: :Y:

Seriously, if the Mom is being a bitch that's NOT your problem to deal with, it is his and if he doesn't want to handle it, leave it alone.

[turtle1120]

Jun 14, 2012 12:40:13 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:32:58 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

So, POOF and it'll happen, huh?

I think you've missed the point where the mother isn't allowing him to see her this weekend. She often will work with schedule changes if need be, but lately she's been a bitch about things (to the point of telling him a couple of weeks ago that her school talent show started at 3 when it actually started at 2. He was able to take the time off work and drive nearly an hour to see it, only to get there at the end after he'd missed her.)

And I don't think that they'd be able to get it taken care of in court in the week between her telling him no and the actual day.

Of course I don't think it will just magically happen. HOWEVER, if it's important to him (and it should be), he should get his ass into court to have that date as "his" each year. This isn't the first year he's a dad, correct??

Listen, I'm not trying to a bitch here, but this is a new-ish relationship and you are trying too hard to be a part of the family. Wish him a happy Father's Day and move on. I get wanting to make him feel better and all of that, but you're trying to hard to inject yourself into his world.

This. Obviously it won't be in time for this year, but there are many more Father's Days to come. If it's that important to your BF, he needs to go back to court and make sure that the day is his every year no matter what. No court is going to deny him that, and the mom will look like a mega bitch for not giving it to him willingly.

A simple card would be fine. Anything above and beyond that would be too much, IMO, because of your limited contact with his kids.

[Deleted]

Also why isn't he spending time with the teenage daughter? She lives with her grandparents right? There shouldn't be any restrictions on that.

[jade28]

Jun 14, 2012 12:40:13 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jun 14, 2012 12:32:58 GMT -5 GibsonGirl128 said:

Listen, I'm not trying to a bitch here, but this is a new-ish relationship and you are trying too hard to be a part of the family. Wish him a happy Father's Day and move on. I get wanting to make him feel better and all of that, but you're trying to hard to inject yourself into his world.

:Y: :Y: :Y:

[Deleted]

I think it's strange that youre providing the sap story about not seeing his daughters now when the older one lives with her grandparents and doesnt even have room to stay with her own father.

Maybe the mom isn't feeling so sorry for him because he is mostly apathetic about having the kids every other day of the year? Well, unless it just happens to be convenient.

[kaneen]

You obviously know what you want to do but deep down know it's weird and are trying to get people to tell you it isn't so you'll feel more comfortable.

So go do a big Father's Day celebration for your boyfriend who probably cares less about Father's Day than you do.

[stephbfan]

Jun 14, 2012 13:45:59 GMT -5 tacom said:

I think it's strange that youre providing the sap story about not seeing his daughters now when the older one lives with her grandparents and doesnt even have room to stay with her own father.

Maybe the mom isn't feeling so sorry for him because he is mostly apathetic about having the kids every other day of the year? Well, unless it just happens to be convenient.

I had no idea the girl lived with her grandparents.
If you end up having a kid with him, I bet he will be a wonderful father.

[doriswe]

Jun 14, 2012 14:12:13 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Jun 14, 2012 13:45:59 GMT -5 tacom said:

I think it's strange that youre providing the sap story about not seeing his daughters now when the older one lives with her grandparents and doesnt even have room to stay with her own father.

Maybe the mom isn't feeling so sorry for him because he is mostly apathetic about having the kids every other day of the year? Well, unless it just happens to be convenient.

I had no idea the girl lived with her grandparents.
If you end up having a kid with him, I bet he will be a wonderful father.

And all God's children said "amen"!