WWYD if this was your child?

[foxxy]

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20712691,00.html

If it's not clicky:

Waiting backstage for her cue, the doe-eyed fifth grader adjusted her black-and-white polka-dot dress, fiddled with her rhinestone headband and peeked out from behind the curtain. She had no stage fright, having sung and danced countless times before.

But this was no mere act for the school talent show. This was an announcement to the world: that the 10-year-old boy everyone knew as Niko was now a girl named Nikki. "I was so scared," says Nikki, now 12. "But I was like, 'I can do this.'"

Her parents, Marci and Barry, watched from their seats. "We were so nervous," Marci recalls. "She was getting up in front of everybody, all the families, the teachers. It was kind of an out-of-body experience for me."

Marci and Barry are among a small but growing number of the hundreds of families of transgender kids who have made the difficult, even controversial, decision to put their child on medication that, for Nikki, will halt the onset of the male puberty she dreads.



*****

I honestly don't know what I would do. Sorry if this was already posted. 

[sunshineluv]

I just read that article, and have nothing of interest to add, haha. I have no clue what I would do.

[eav2c]

I would 100% be receptive to this and I would honor my child's wish to be who they want to be. My H would likely respond quite different, unfortunately, but I would not deny my child the ability to be themselves.

[mala]

I would support my child 100%. H and I have actually discussed this as a "what if" and we are both on the same page here. We could care less if our kids are gay or transgendered. Our job is to make them turn out to be amazing human beings, be that a boy, girl, or something in between.

[heyjojo]

Wow, so interesting. I don't know what I would do. I would be very supportive, of course, I just question how sure a 10yro would be about changing their identity permanently like that. At the same time though, I know that she has probably been having these feelings and struggling with them for as long as she could remember. I know someone with a teenaged daughter who is trans and identifies as male. He came out as an early teen, and puberty was very hard for him.

[rjamz]

Jun 27, 2013 15:28:49 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

I would have to honor my child's wishes. They know who they are. I'm not saying it would be easy by any means, but if that is what they truly wanted and they understood what they were doing then I wouldn't deny them.

This.

[katfco]

Like @tambcat, I question the medication. Is it proven to be safe for developing bodies?

As to the larger issue, if I had a child who really felt that way, I'd want to make sure they were ready to take such a step. I'd probably want them to see a counselor, not to convince them one way or another, but to help them work through issues and prepare for what the response would be among their peers.

[tuck]

As far as I know, the drug just "pauses" puberty. Once you get off it, puberty starts back as normal. It may or may not be the same drug they give kids who start puberty too early (like, 5 years old), but if it is, AFAIK, it's proven to be very safe.

If one of my kids felt that way, I would have no issue putting them on that kind of drug. I wouldn't want to do anything irreversible until they are much older, though, of course.

[claralou]

I would support her/him 100%. No question.

That said, allowing them to make an announcement in front of the whole school at 10 years old would give me pause, unless I was absolutely certain that the reception they'd get would be more positive than negative. 10 is extremely young to be thrown into potentially horrific/ignorant/hateful reactions of such a large crowd, IMO. The very thought of that makes me nauseous.

[Faevantastic]

I feel like 10 is too young. I don't know what I'd do.

[jaime183]

I would support their wishes in terms of dressing, acting, whatever but I would be hesitant to put them on medication.
However, if I was in that position I'm sure I would be researching the crap out of it and finding the best specialists and would make an education decision about the meds.
I'm sure the parents didn't just say Sure what the hell, lets medicate! I'm sure they researched this and discussed it with experts.

[katfco]

There are some children making this decision even earlier: www.cnn.com/2013/06/24/us/colorado-transgender-girl-school/index.html

[charlielove]

Jun 27, 2013 15:51:00 GMT -5 claralou said:

I would support her/him 100%. No question.

That said, allowing them to make an announcement in front of the whole school at 10 years old would give me pause, unless I was absolutely certain that the reception they'd get would be more positive than negative. 10 is extremely young to be thrown into potentially horrific/ignorant/hateful reactions of such a large crowd, IMO. The very thought of that makes me nauseous.

Exactly what I was thinking. I would be supportive of my child, but making an announcement in the way they chose to would make me nervous.

[Deleted]

I would let them take drugs to delay puberty if research says they are safe. I would push for them to avoid more permanent measures, like surgery or an official name change, until an adult. I think I would avoid a whole school announcement and maybe limit it to their classroom. I personally don't think there is too young of an age just because the drugs aren't permanent, if you stop taking them you go through puberty.

[UnicornDog]

This American Life on NPR recently did a show about transgendered children. Between that and this article, it looks like media portrayals of TG people are starting to be sensitive and realistic.

[thedahliharpa]

I don't know enough about the medication to really comment. I would be supportive of my child for sure and am disturbed by the suicide rates of transgender and homosexual teens.

[mumegs]

I don't know, I feel like they are so young to make such a decision that will affect the rest of their lives. But I'm guessing the parents can tell that they are for real and its not just a "phase". My mom teaches 8th grade and there is a transgendered kid in her school. He comes to school all decked out in heels and dresses. I believe he is on the medication.

[monkeybabe]

I would support my child 100% I didn't read the article but it sounds like the child got up in front of the school to announce what was happening? I don't think that's necessarily a great way to handle things at the age of 10.

[shevacc]

My cousin is trans female and just "came out" about it and started presenting as a female last month at age 33. It's been such a hard road in my socially conservative Catholic family but she finally had to be true to herself. She spent years fighting depression and trying to will away the thought that her body didn't match her mind, as well as obesity (partly due to comfort eating and partly due to wanting to hide her body). My earliest memory of my cousin was of [him], ~age 10 asking me if I ever felt like I wasn't supposed to be a girl. It wasn't a particularly long or in-depth conversation, but I remembered it many years later when I found out a few months ago about her new life. She's still herself, but sooo much happier and more comfortable.

If G turned out to be transgendered, I would 100% support her and allow her to go on drugs that held off puberty. I wouldn't wish it on anyone -- it's a difficult internal and external struggle. And I would certainly enlist the support of counseling. I'm not sure about announcing in front of the school, but it's something that anyone and everyone would notice. So, on the one hand it makes it public knowledge and avoids gossip and possibly stigma?

[shevacc]

I would make a big distinction between homo/trans sexual and transgender. I'm not sure kids really know their sexual preference until they start dealing with puberty and hormones, so age 10 might be a little early to be "sure". However, transgender is something you *are*. It has nothing to do with sexual preference and most trans individuals know much earlier. I think a child should certainly be trusted if they confided in a parent about their gender feelings by that age.

[spaghetticat]

Jun 27, 2013 15:51:00 GMT -5 claralou said:

I would support her/him 100%. No question.

That said, allowing them to make an announcement in front of the whole school at 10 years old would give me pause, unless I was absolutely certain that the reception they'd get would be more positive than negative. 10 is extremely young to be thrown into potentially horrific/ignorant/hateful reactions of such a large crowd, IMO. The very thought of that makes me nauseous.

All of this. We actually just talked about this scenario last night bc one of Mh's friend's is going through it with their daughter. I feel like the worst part about it would be worrying about how he/she would be treated by others.

[puppylove64]

I'll be the flame worthy one, but I'm not sure a 10 year old is old enough to know that they should be the opposite sex. I guess I wouldn't really know unless I was in the position. But I would be weary of giving a child drugs that prevent puberty, when all people are naturally supposed to go through puberty. And I'm not sure a 10 year old would truly understand the consequences. Maybe if they were older. But of course I can't say for certain because I'm not in that position. Of course if the child was older, I would be more supportive. But I don't really think most people are capable of making important life changing decisions until at least 16, but usually older.

[eav2c]

Jun 27, 2013 18:59:44 GMT -5 puppylove64 said:

I'll be the flame worthy one, but I'm not sure a 10 year old is old enough to know that they should be the opposite sex. I guess I wouldn't really know unless I was in the position. But I would be weary of giving a child drugs that prevent puberty, when all people are naturally supposed to go through puberty. And I'm not sure a 10 year old would truly understand the consequences. Maybe if they were older. But of course I can't say for certain because I'm not in that position. Of course if the child was older, I would be more supportive. But I don't really think most people are capable of making important life changing decisions until at least 16, but usually older.

I don't think it is something parents just decide to do on the spot without counseling and doctor advice involved. Any doctor would be off their rocker to just start a child on these medications without fully assessing the situation as a whole before coming to a decision. I watched a documentary on transgender people and there is a VERY lengthy process that doctors and paitents go through to begin transitioning with medications and then surgeries. My point is, it's not just started willy nilly one day without major evaluation. Given a 10 year old has been evaluated properly and the medical professionals agree that it is acceptable to start at that age, I do not see the big deal. I would never want my child to suffer in a body that didn't feel like theirs and therefore would trust the medical opinion in this situation regardless of age.

[puppylove64]

Jun 27, 2013 20:27:40 GMT -5 eav2c said:

Jun 27, 2013 18:59:44 GMT -5 puppylove64 said:

I'll be the flame worthy one, but I'm not sure a 10 year old is old enough to know that they should be the opposite sex. I guess I wouldn't really know unless I was in the position. But I would be weary of giving a child drugs that prevent puberty, when all people are naturally supposed to go through puberty. And I'm not sure a 10 year old would truly understand the consequences. Maybe if they were older. But of course I can't say for certain because I'm not in that position. Of course if the child was older, I would be more supportive. But I don't really think most people are capable of making important life changing decisions until at least 16, but usually older.

I don't think it is something parents just decide to do on the spot without counseling and doctor advice involved. Any doctor would be off their rocker to just start a child on these medications without fully assessing the situation as a whole before coming to a decision. I watched a documentary on transgender people and there is a VERY lengthy process that doctors and paitents go through to begin transitioning with medications and then surgeries. My point is, it's not just started willy nilly one day without major evaluation. Given a 10 year old has been evaluated properly and the medical professionals agree that it is acceptable to start at that age, I do not see the big deal. I would never want my child to suffer in a body that didn't feel like theirs and therefore would trust the medical opinion in this situation regardless of age.

I get your point, I just don't see how a 10 year old is capable of making such a life changing decision. I don't see a big deal in the process at all, I just can't believe that a child is capable of the decision

[shevacc]

I've read that for many trans people, puberty is living hell so I would support taking a drug to delay it while talking with a counselor. But I also think it's something that is possible for a child to know.

[vthokie]

I would be supportive, definitely. The idea of any type of medication is a bit scary though. Of course, I'm pretty sure that it would be something that could and would be researched heavily before puberty anyways. I'm sure that the parents have known that there was something different about their son for a long time, and these types of conversations are sure to have been broached between parents and medical professionals. At least, they would be for me.

I have a co-worker and friend that I have these conversations with a lot. Her 5 year old son is VERY feminine. Has been for as long as she can remember. He has a very masculine older brother, but he is all girl. He always wants to wear moms shoes. He comes home, strips down to his underwear, puts on one of her tank tops (his "dress) and finds a pair of her heels to trounce around in. That's just him. He likes princesses and all girl stuff. Even dad has accepted it at this point and tries to figure out which princess thing he would like best.
He is also VERY aware at this point, that his behavior is not "normal." Not something that the family has ever told him, but he does not go out in his "dresses" because he thinks people will laugh. And he puts away his "girl toys" when friends come over. She always says how she would support anything he would want, but would be sad if he eventually wanted to have a full blown sex change.

I totally love this kid. He's so cool. I'll be interested to see how his life changes as he gets older. I'm also pretty sure that he's destined for something great. He was born at 22 weeks and weighed 1 lb. and has somehow come out of it with no major problems. I'm totally holding onto the princess coloring page he did for me, so I can sell it to someone when he's totally famous!!

[eav2c]

Jun 27, 2013 22:18:10 GMT -5 puppylove64 said:

Jun 27, 2013 20:27:40 GMT -5 eav2c said:

I don't think it is something parents just decide to do on the spot without counseling and doctor advice involved. Any doctor would be off their rocker to just start a child on these medications without fully assessing the situation as a whole before coming to a decision. I watched a documentary on transgender people and there is a VERY lengthy process that doctors and paitents go through to begin transitioning with medications and then surgeries. My point is, it's not just started willy nilly one day without major evaluation. Given a 10 year old has been evaluated properly and the medical professionals agree that it is acceptable to start at that age, I do not see the big deal. I would never want my child to suffer in a body that didn't feel like theirs and therefore would trust the medical opinion in this situation regardless of age.

I get your point, I just don't see how a 10 year old is capable of making such a life changing decision. I don't see a big deal in the process at all, I just can't believe that a child is capable of the decision

I don't know either but I guess that's why people are involved in the process along the way. I assume you first let your child dress the gender role for awhile without medications - and by awhile I mean looooong while. This I'd have no problem with if C came to me tomorrow and asked to dress like a girl. Plenty of non-transgendered children do this, I know I wanted to dress like my brothers, and I did too when I was about 3-4! I refused tops at our pool because my brothers didn't wear them and things of that nature. There is a lot of therapy involved and family counseling so I feel like the next step of medication is certainly not taken lightly at all. I just don't have a problem with the age willing I really took the time to meet with doctors, therapists, behaviorists, etc.

[DesertMoon]

I would let my child be who they want, but I would not be down with medication, they can make that decision as an adult at 18, but 10 would be too young IMO.

[dojo]

I'm of the camp that the issue is not remotely about gender preference.  Whatever preferences my kid has I will be supportive. My only concern is with health and the medication. I don't know enough about this subject or the individuals to determine if a choice to alter normal growth iin a child would be the right decision for us. I would literally have to immerse myself in the literature / speak to tons of doctors, counsellor and experts before I was comfortable agreeing to anything.