WWYD? Potential family drama

[drloretta]

ToddlerL and I are headed to CA in a few weeks to see my parents. My brother and his family live 3 hours away from my parents. As usual, my mom is insisting on us driving with them to see my brother's family during our (ay) trip there. My issues with this are many, though telling my parents results in them getting defensive and siding with my brother

-We're adding a 6-hour round trip drive to a cross-country flight. With a toddler
-My brother and his family never visit us
-I/We have been guilted numerous times into going to their house while in CA, and it's always been miserable
-It's almost a guarantee that we'll be used merely as free babysitting while my brother and SIL go out for each night we're there
-The weather on the coast will likely be divine, while the weather at my brothers' will be like it is here

Last year this was a non-issue, because my SIL loves my parents' place, and just met us there without any hesitation. This year is trickier, since the only weekend we're there is her birthday. I don't think camping on my parents' sleeper sofa is her idea of a dream birthday, and it would never occur to anyone that they get a hotel. I will add that I saw my brother, SIL, and niece in February when my mom was sick, and I saw all my siblings and their kids in May when we went to Tahoe. So my options are

1. Suck it up and go to their house. We're likely not doing this trip next year, so it will be a while before I get pressured like this again
2. Stand my ground and risk pissing off my mom the entire time we're there
3. Meet in the middle on a predetermined date so the cousins can hang out and everyone's somewhat mollified
4. An option I haven't considered yet.

And if you've finished this novel, here's a drink  and tell me what you would do

[noodleoo]

Honestly, I think I'd skip the visit. I'm sick of family obligations though, so take it with a grain of salt. I'm at the point in my life where I just want to do what *I* want to do. I would not go visit a brother who is far, never visits me and would just use me for free babysitting during MY vacation. Tell them to come visit you on the coast. If they refuse, say oh well, maybe next time. After all, you are flying to the west coast. They can do the 3 hour drive or shove it.

[5kcandlesinthewind]

If they don't want to come to your parents', I would offer to meet them half-way one afternoon. And if they say no, then I'd say, "too bad. Guess we'll see you next time." And then if my mom tried to guilt trip me, I'd just change the subject every time she brought it up. ("Yep, it's too bad that didn't work out. So do you think Kate Middleton's baby will look her her when it grows up, or are William's genes too overpowering still...?")

[drloretta]

Jul 8, 2013 14:22:34 GMT -5 5kcandlesinthewind said:

If they don't want to come to your parents', I would offer to meet them half-way one afternoon. And if they say no, then I'd say, "too bad. Guess we'll see you next time." And then if my mom tried to guilt trip me, I'd just change the subject every time she brought it up. ("Yep, it's too bad that didn't work out. So do you think Kate Middleton's baby will look her her when it grows up, or are William's genes too overpowering still...?")

LOLOL!

I shot my SIL an e-mail suggesting a daytrip to Santa Cruz. We'll see how that flies...

[bostonmichelle]

I agree with 5kc and noodleoo that you are already flying there, your brother/SIL can drive 3 hours or part of the way and you can meet for the afternoon. I wouldn't want to go "visit" family for them to leave me with their kids to babysit while I'm on vacation. And if your mom brings it up tell her you are not driving 6 hours roundtrip to babysit so your brother and SIL can go out for dinner without you and you asked them to meet halfway and they refused/didn't want to/etc.

[liveintheville]

There's just no way I could do this. My kids suck with travel. I'd just tell your mom that it's too much for ToddlerL to handle (if you're willing to sell your kid down the river as an excuse.) I mean a 5-6hr flight and then 6 hours in a car?? No way.

[drloretta]

Thanks guys.

Just as a fun background story, before Toddler L, DH and I went out right before Christmas one year. My mom wanted us to fly from Philly to LAX, drive 3 hours to their house, spend the night, drive another 7+ hours to this brother's house, spend 2 nights, drive BACK to my parents house, spend the night, and fly home. Oh, and we were supposed to visit my other brother's family in LA somewhere in there.

We told them no, we were going to stay a couple of nights in LA on either side, and fly to visit my other brother. It was still a shitshow. My parents each got the stomach flu, DH and I had to babysit my nephews every night (and one nephew was sick with a fever), we had to make/buy our own food and clean our own dishes while we were there, and I never had longer than a 10-minute conversation with my brother or SIL. The night we left, my mom fell down their stairs while doing laundry and shattered her wrist.

DH said we're never staying at their house again. Ever.

[drloretta]

Yay, drama averted! SIL said she'll bring my niece to us for a couple of days. Done!

[liveintheville]

Jul 8, 2013 17:04:42 GMT -5 drloretta said:

Yay, drama averted! SIL said she'll bring my niece to us for a couple of days. Done!

Awesome!!! Perfect scenario  :Y: