IHO Gibsongirl and father's day (long, sorry!)

[doriswe]

Your post yesterday has got me all annoyed....because you and your bf are playing the victims and it gets under my skin! I'm not saying there aren't women out there who are fucking crazy and use the kids as pawns....and I'm not saying there aren't douche bag dads who do the same or abandon their kids, so please don't read that as the point of this whole thing!

I was YOU in my marriage. My XH had 2 kids from his first wife and while he had 50/50 custody and a decent relationship with her, he painted one hell of a picture of her to me when we got together. She was money hungry, she was all about putting on appearances, she was controlling and never let him have an opinion. He constantly bitched about her, which in turn, made me believe it to be true.

Thing is, she wasn't those things....the money she was getting from him in the divorce agreement was what HE had offered. The fact that he never voiced his opinion was HIS deal because he would ALWAYS do the "I don't care, whatever you want is fine". Andplusalso, I met her and she is a very nice person, not at all what I was told she was.

And now that we are divorced, I'd put money on him saying the same things about me. I'm sure he's told the gf that I'm a crazy bitch and I would put money that a few of the people on this board that I'm friends with outside of here, would vouch for my sanity!! And while I openly admit I am getting a large amount of CS from him, the real story is that he OFFERED this amount and I refused it multiple times but he WANTED to set it up this way, so that's how it was agreed upon. I kept the house because he WANTED me too. I have full custody because he WANTED it to be that way, even though I disagreed with him. We have a very good working relationship and I am very appreciative for that (especially seeing some of the situations some of the ladies on here are in).

When we divorced, XH ASKED for the days of the year that were important to him. One of these days was Father's Day. And I agreed to that. And thing is, if I hadn't, he had EVERY RIGHT to take my ass to mediation or in front of the judge to ask for that day, and any other he wanted.

Again, I get that some moms/dads aren't out for the best interest of their kids, but a dad who wants to see his kid puts in the work to make that happen. If that means to modify a CO, so be it. Again, I realize how lucky I am in my situation!

I'll also add that mom rasied me and my two brothers alone (we were all teenagers) because my dad didn't want to be a dad to us. She worked her ass off to provide us a nice home and all the things we needed and never once said a bad word about him to us. I found out, as an adult, that he stopped paying CS once the divorce was finalized and she didn't bother to pursue it because she didn't want to give him another reason to not see us.

End vent!

[lovelybb]

I agree with you 100%... when I first met D, he told me he co-parented well with his ex and I could clearly see that he loved his kids and made every effort to spend as much time with them as possible when sharing 50/50 custody with her. I also knew that they were his first priority and I came in fourth. Honestly I wouldn't respect or love him so much if it was different.

He pays her child support and ALL of their private school tuitions and athletic fees, along with busting his butt to get his son a full-ride football scholarship and has never once complained.

Over time, I could see how is ex acted... either through texts or in person... hell, she even sent me an email tearing me to shreds for no reason. Slowly D would vent some minor frustrations about her with me, that were based entirely on my entering the picture. I could see for myself that she was controlling, rude and used the kids as pawns... D NEVER said it to me. I really respect him for that and I eventually figured out that she is one bat shit crazy bitch.

She is now taking him to court for more child support and he is in turn suing for more custody.... either way, it is up to the father to make sure he sees the kids as much as he wants to, whether it's through the courts or working it out as best he can with a nutter ex-wife... nobody likes a victim or a martyr.

[stephbfan]

And now I officially love you.

To Gibson girl: Good guys love their children and fight for them if it comes to that. Its pretty simple.

DD's dad fought for her. At the time, I hated him for it but after everything settled it made me realize that I respect him soo much for that. I respect him for having an amazing relationship with his daughter even though we live THOUSANDS of miles away.

If/when he starts dating someone else, I would only have good things to say about him, well she will have a very boring life and sexual problems but that's another story lol. Having an ex say good things about your guy speaks volumes of who he is. I'm aware that there are crazy exes out there but you get the idea.

In my head, if a guy doesn't make an effort for his own kids, I don't know what can you expect for you.

[roselis]

Doris, its the same way here. XH and I have a good parenting relationship for DS. He is actually not paying CS as part of our agreement (50/50 custody and how we have the financial responsibilities split). I will vent about him as a person to friends, but I will always say that he is a good dad and will not say bad things about him to DS.
He spun some stories to me about why he doesn't see his first son at all. I don't know how much is true based on how many lies he has told me. I would love to meet his ex and her son some day so DS can meet his brother.

A lot of people don't understand why we have the set up we do, but it is what works.