my mom is coming to visit for a week tomorrow and really while I look forward to seeing her I dread it more. We don't have a particularly close relationship and while she always tells me all she wants to do is see the kids it will really be about her.... her bringing a bunch of gifts, her going shopping or to a fancy restaurant, her taking Nick to do something she can show off when she comes hone and so on. It really is more like having another kid who expects the world to revolve around her than having a grandmother visit and it is exhausting. She flies in, claims a car and our attention for a week and flies out.
my inlaws are a different story. They are easy to hang out with and come to be part of the family. My MIL is very sweet but unfortunately has MS and is not able to do too much with the kids. Also they basically never visit.
Post by blondiesbored on Jul 14, 2013 22:00:14 GMT -5
For the most part I dread my family as well. My mother is a PIA, my father is opinionated and frankly forgot how crappy he treated his own kids while we were growing up but now is "Father of the Year" since he is a Papa. My FIL passed away a few years back but my MIL and BIL are always nice to have around for a visit. We live in RI so we see them weekly and the visits are usually a couple hours at a time. I think that ANYONE coming into your home for a few days would tend to be tiring after a while especially if that person is hard to be around to begin with. Good luck
Mine usually come for a week and stay with us and say they don't need entertained but then they always are bored. My parents are good with Luke but make a mess and don't clean up. My inlaws come for about 4 days, want to go to nice restaurants, want to lay around a lot and often will stay in a hotel (sometimes they will stay here). They like to watch us interact with Luke but don't play with him directly but his mom will scrub the house.
I do look forward to them coming to visit but usually i'm done with them rather quickly
My mom lives in town and we see her all the time, but it's in short bursts and works well. My MIL comes out every other month or so and her visits are mostly nice. My H and her can go at it since they don't see eye-to-eye on some pretty important things, and she is just a crazy whirlwind of activity, but she is very helpful, very generous, and great with the kids. Both my father and FIL have passed away.
Post by monkeybabe on Jul 14, 2013 22:48:24 GMT -5
My parents are close by, so we see them often. I love my parents. Sometimes they let me down, because they're not super reliable and horrible at communicating when they're delayed or they've decided not to show up.
I love my MIL, but she drives me a little crazy sometimes. She's always late... like an hour or more late, and it makes me insane. Also, I guess I'm used to my mom, but my MIL has never so much as offered to change a diaper. The only things she's done with Zoe is hold her. We only see her a few times a year. She'll come here once or twice for about a week and we go see her once in the summer for 4 days.
My FIL, I've seen in person 4 times. He's a good guy and a good grandpa. We go to L.A to see them, so it's whenever we can make it down, which is clearly not often.
My mom was always one of my best friends and we were super close...until I had Audrey. She totally changed and became super weird and totally insecure about our relationship and its taking a tole. I don't dread her visits, but I don't really look forward to them...
The in-laws I dread. Mainly because they're super intense, have no boundaries, and are often in town for a month at a time.
Post by Dorothy Zbornak on Jul 15, 2013 1:56:15 GMT -5
Your mom sounds like my in-laws, nilex. I wonder if it's a German thing. It's like they come here just to take a bunch of staged photos to show their "friends" in Austria (where they live now) what a great relationship they have with their grandkids. But we haven't spoken to them since Christmas, so there's that.
I used to love when my family would visit us in NY. Now that DD and I are living back near them, we see them daily. They are all great with DD and since she is the first grandchild, she is the light of their lives. Spoiled is an understatement. I really like my ILs, but we didn't see them very often, even though they lived 90 minutes from us. They never visited us due to my FIL's condition, but I never dreaded going down to see them.
I love having my parents come but my mom always has projects she wants to do on my house. It is super nice because when she leaves my house is organized an decorated but can cause stress. Plus we have a ridiculously close relationship and she and my h fight over me.
My ILs like to sit on our couch, eat good food and play with our kid. I get really bored but that is ok.
I absolutely dread to see Herpes and FIL the 3 times a year we see them. They live 95 miles away but for obvious reasons we don't see them. She tries to act Grandmother of the year but all she does is hurt the kids and exposed them to herpes. She has not seen them since March. I'm cool with never seeing her again.
My mom sees the kids maybe 3-4 times a year and just watches them play, doesn't interact, doesn't help, nothing. She's about an hour away. I dread going but the visits are good.
Fun note: Herpes calls DH bugging to see the kids a few days after I see my mom. We know they call each other which is odd because she hates all my siblings' ILs, I don't know why she's buddies with the one that actually has hurt her grandchildren.
Post by sunshineluv on Jul 15, 2013 7:16:33 GMT -5
I look forward to them. I think a big difference is that my family is only an hour and a half away (ILs too). So, when they come visit, it is for a day trip, not much hassle to me. My mom retired this year, and she likes to come up sometimes and keep Henry out of daycare for the day. He loves it, the only negative thing is she leaves a mess in her wake, haha. My mom has never been a good housekeeper, or good at picking up after herself.
Post by formerlyllizzyb on Jul 15, 2013 7:33:15 GMT -5
My parents are a 2.5 hour drive away. They normally come up for day visits, but we make a weekend of it when we go see them. I love visiting my family, despite their quirks. My parents are really calm and easy to be around, and my mom is hyper aware of doing anything that might make her a stereotypical MIL or annoying grandma. My dad is awkward around DS, but he's like that in general around little kids.
My ILs are about 50 minutes away. MIL drives up and watches DS two days a week while I work. We appreciate this very much, but it does mean I see her more than I'd like. They also had the expectation when DS was born that we'd see them every weekend, and that has led to some issues. MIL is a dear, but she's overbearing and really wears me out. FIL is a nice guy, but we have nothing in common. We see them too much for me to look forward to it. It might be better if we lived closer to them so we could see them more frequently but for shorter amounts of time. I am absolutely drained after an afternoon at their house.
I love when my family comes to visit, or I go there. My family is awesome (heart) I never really thought about the fact that not all families get on so well all the time, I am incredibly lucky.
My husband of course would probably feel more like 80/20 lol. They can be annoying in that they are such plain eaters so we can't eat anything flavorful, its all plain meat and such. Also the clutter that forms. And my dad always wants to eat at the cheapest restaurant possible even if the food is awful. Like once we went to a bowling alley then he wanted to go there other times, just for dinner!!!! no.
But both mom and dad are great with the baby and happy to take care of her/take her out for walks etc.
But when my dad comes he will fix things /do projects, he loves doing things. I'm thinking when we do our house renovations we'll just import him for a month!
When MIL comes it is mostly good. I guess 90/10 because she is so great with M and generally a very sweet person but obviously there are the annoying things where she makes comments about how certain things I've allowed her to do/have are not safe.
my mom is coming to visit for a week tomorrow and really while I look forward to seeing her I dread it more. We don't have a particularly close relationship and while she always tells me all she wants to do is see the kids it will really be about her.... her bringing a bunch of gifts, her going shopping or to a fancy restaurant, her taking Nick to do something she can show off when she comes hone and so on. It really is more like having another kid who expects the world to revolve around her than having a grandmother visit and it is exhausting. She flies in, claims a car and our attention for a week and flies out.
I feel like I could have written this myself. It saddens me so much to the point where I frequently talk about going to therapy because of it.
We just visited my parents for the Fourth of July. In fact, some aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grandparents visited as well. My mom bought J some toys and clothes and had to parade them around the family to show off how good of a gma she is. Her pictures on FB from the event have asinine comments like, "look at my ball...my Grammy bought it for me."
The entire visit was about what she wanted to do, where she wanted to eat, and how people wanted to perceive her. She wants people to think we have this great relationship and that she is involved in J's life. I've gone months without talking to her because I hate being the only one who calls. Yet, when I talk to my grandma (her mom), my grandma tells me things from FB or from my blog like my mom knows personally. Ex, "so your mom tells me that J is blank and blank." So I've stopped updating my blog as much.
They come down to visit, but don't see us. Instead, they go down to San Diego. My mom told me she would help me set up for J's birthday, but instead her and my dad went out to breakfast and they came only sully before the party started and then talked about how helpful she was.
I could go on and on, but I am getting ragey now, and this isn't a feeling I like. So anyways, I completely understand and relate to everything you posted about your mother. Hugs, sweetie. It is hard.
Your mom sounds like my in-laws, nilex. I wonder if it's a German thing. It's like they come here just to take a bunch of staged photos to show their "friends" in Austria (where they live now) what a great relationship they have with their grandkids. But we haven't spoken to them since Christmas, so there's that.
My mom isn't like that at all, thank goodness.
So Dorothy, I think you are onto something with the German similarity here... but there is a bunch of history with my mom as well. I think the showing off is definitely a Germany quality though.
Our situation sounds similar. My mom will comment on FB pictures "oh how cute, oma bought you that" She has a hard time relating to the kids other than through things of all kinds. It makes me sad but at least I generally know what to expect now whereas before I would have a completely different idea of her visits and would then be disappointed. Hugs to you!
I look forward to my mom coming, she's fun and is a great help. We see the ILs every month or so (they live 20 min away) and I still dread their visits. Their presence just stresses me out.
Your mom sounds like my in-laws, nilex. I wonder if it's a German thing. It's like they come here just to take a bunch of staged photos to show their "friends" in Austria (where they live now) what a great relationship they have with their grandkids. But we haven't spoken to them since Christmas, so there's that.
My mom isn't like that at all, thank goodness.
So Dorothy, I think you are onto something with the German similarity here... but there is a bunch of history with my mom as well. I think the showing off is definitely a Germany quality though.
My husband has never had it easy with his parents, either. He's also an only child, which I think (partially) contributes to his mother's craziness.
So Dorothy, I think you are onto something with the German similarity here... but there is a bunch of history with my mom as well. I think the showing off is definitely a Germany quality though.
My husband has never had it easy with his parents, either. He's also an only child, which I think (partially) contributes to his mother's craziness.
I am an only child too and how I wish I had somebody to share my mother with.
My husband has never had it easy with his parents, either. He's also an only child, which I think (partially) contributes to his mother's craziness.
I am an only child too and how I wish I had somebody to share my mother with.
Ha! See, now I DO think that when women who have a tendency towards crazy have just one child ... the crazy gets magnified. My MIL (I'm sure) begrudged me for a very long time for having taken her only child away. I feel bad for my husband because all the crazy falls on him. Or not, since we've cut off contact with them for the time being. Anyway, I hope your visit from your mom is tolerable.