Discipline and listening

[UnicornDog]

At what age do you expect a child to listen? At what age do you give some sort of consequence if they do not?

E has been doing some really dangerous and/or messy things lately. I tell her, "No, dangerous!" or, "Stop! Icky!" but she doesn't listen yet. If I can't get to her in time to stop her, and she continues doing it, I give her a stern look and repeat myself. This is just funny to her. I think she is too young for time outs, but this is a real problem when I have to use the bathroom, so I feel like I need to do something.

I used to take her in the bathroom with me and let her play with a square of TP, but she's lost interest in that and can open the bathroom door by herself. She will run out of the bathroom and climb the couch to jump off, climb the dining room chairs and dump my can of la croix all over the table, take my laptop out of its drawer and stomp on it, try to turn on the stove, or empty the trash can and roll in the trash. Putting things up higher is not a good solution, because she knows she can stack things to climb to get up higher, which is dangerous too. We put away the P&P because she got really close to climbing out of it on her own, so I can't just pop her in there, either.

I know in a couple months, I will have to pee ALL THE TIME, so I hope I can figure something out soon! 

[Deleted]

This doesn't have to do with discipline but it does have to do with listening- Laney is doing really well at swim class and the teacher said that skill wise they would normally move her to level 1 but listening wise she's just too young. The youngest the move up is 18/19 months and even that is young. So I just think right now listening isn't a skill they have down.

Laney always plays with the cat water and I just say "please don't touch, that's for kitties" and move her away. Well the other day my mom saw her doing it was like "ah ah ah! NO!" I don't know, it felt like how you would say no to a dog! Haha and I told her not say it like that and she said my way wasn't working because she wasn't listening, I said my way wasn't working because she's only 15m! Now, a few weeks later, Laney is getting better with the cat water so it IS working, just takes time.

Sorry that got long!!

[dixeedeluxe]

It gets worse before it gets better. Well, that's been my experience. That might've been because Edie was a late talker, so she expressed herself by testing her limits (or, mostly my limits).

At almost 3 she is only just now cooperating with time outs. They only work if the kid agrees to let them work. My kid didn't. Yes, I tried sitting on her to make her cooperate.

My biggest word of advice is to not make a big deal out of things. Like if she spills your drink, just clean it up. Or nicely ask her to clean it up. That's the flipside of positive reenforcement....NOT being in trouble for things that are just annoying.

[UnicornDog]

Jul 17, 2013 11:19:16 GMT -5 ladybug said:

This doesn't have to do with discipline but it does have to do with listening- Laney is doing really well at swim class and the teacher said that skill wise they would normally move her to level 1 but listening wise she's just too young. The youngest the move up is 18/19 months and even that is young. So I just think right now listening isn't a skill they have down.

Laney always plays with the cat water and I just say "please don't touch, that's for kitties" and move her away. Well the other day my mom saw her doing it was like "ah ah ah! NO!" I don't know, it felt like how you would say no to a dog! Haha and I told her not say it like that and she said my way wasn't working because she wasn't listening, I said my way wasn't working because she's only 15m! Now, a few weeks later, Laney is getting better with the cat water so it IS working, just takes time.

Sorry that got long!!

That makes a lot of sense. The books all say to only expect from them what is appropriate for their age. I just don't know if expecting her to listen is age appropriate right now. 18 months is not so far away, so that makes me feel better!

[heyjojo]

I definitely pick my battles. Most of the crazy annoying stuff Silas does is not dangerous, so I save my "STOP" for when it is. When he does things like shaking the lamps, going for the stove, or pushing chairs around to climb counters I will move him away and place him on his butt and say "stop. Stop" and explain the naughty behavior. I'm sure he doesn't understand why exactly its naughty, but he knows I will not let him do it and he eventually gives up and goes off to find something else to destroy. If it makes you feel any better, my kid also plays in garbage.

[Deleted]

I actually do time out with Ada, but only for yucky or dangerous things. She loves to mess in her trash can with poopy wipes, if she does it twice she gets time out for like 30 seconds. It actually works for her as of now. One day she even put herself on her time or mat after she messed with the trash can.

Could you lock her in the bathroom with you? Or put her in her crib while you go?

[SteelCity44]

If he's doing something dangerous/not allowed, I redirect. Second time, redirect with corner warning. Third time, he sits in the corner. He absolutely knows what "Do you want to sit in the corner?" means. Other things, we use "All done?" for. Playing outside or bath time problems. 3 all done's with redirection and the activity is over. Accidents aren't punished, and he'll look at me and make sure he's not in trouble, so I reassure him.

[Deleted]

If he's doing something dangerous, I tell him "No, no, thats dangerous!! That will hurt you!!!!" And then I remove him from the situation. He usually cries because he realizes its a major no no, and he doesnt want me to move him. But he usually never needs me to tell him twice. Like, he was pulling on the cable cord plug in the wall. I said those words, he cried, I moved him to something else. The next day, he was by it again. He didnt know I was watching him, but I was. He slowly moved his hand towards it, then thought about it, and moved his hand back before he touched it. Then he walked away. I know he remembered that it was a no no because I made a big deal out of it. Now he won't even go by it.

[UnicornDog]

Jul 17, 2013 11:58:25 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

If he's doing something dangerous, I tell him "No, no, thats dangerous!! That will hurt you!!!!" And then I remove him from the situation. He usually cries because he realizes its a major no no, and he doesnt want me to move him. But he usually never needs me to tell him twice. Like, he was pulling on the cable cord plug in the wall. I said those words, he cried, I moved him to something else. The next day, he was by it again. He didnt know I was watching him, but I was. He slowly moved his hand towards it, then thought about it, and moved his hand back before he touched it. Then he walked away. I know he remembered that it was a no no because I made a big deal out of it. Now he won't even go by it.

I have done this with her and the stove knobs so, so many times. I hope that soon she is at the point he is at, where she won't even approach the stove.

[silverjm]

Purely from a safety perspective, you could install a security chain on the bathroom door up high where she can't reach. That way you could at least keep her locked in the bathroom with you.

[Deleted]

Jul 17, 2013 12:04:18 GMT -5 UnicornDog said:

Jul 17, 2013 11:58:25 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

If he's doing something dangerous, I tell him "No, no, thats dangerous!! That will hurt you!!!!" And then I remove him from the situation. He usually cries because he realizes its a major no no, and he doesnt want me to move him. But he usually never needs me to tell him twice. Like, he was pulling on the cable cord plug in the wall. I said those words, he cried, I moved him to something else. The next day, he was by it again. He didnt know I was watching him, but I was. He slowly moved his hand towards it, then thought about it, and moved his hand back before he touched it. Then he walked away. I know he remembered that it was a no no because I made a big deal out of it. Now he won't even go by it.

I have done this with her and the stove knobs so, so many times. I hope that soon she is at the point he is at, where she won't even approach the stove.

If its something like that, and like outlets, I try to scare him almost. Idk, people might think thats mean, but it works. Thats why he cries too. There are some things that I tell him no no for, and try to redirect, (like hitting) but he laughs. So he always hits. Its just the really dangerous stuff that I say it more sternly and matter of fact, NO!, that scares him a little but he totally gets it after.

[mala]

We do the "One, two, three". After asking her to do something she has until the count of three to do it. If she doesn't, we step in. Usually this is for putting something away and if she doesn't do it we will just take whatever it is out of her hands and put it away ourselves. If it's for something dangerous she might get a 30 second time out in the corner. Standing up in her high chair or trying to climb over the arm of the couch gets her a time out, for example. It has worked really well. She knows "don't touch" and if she keeps touching, like the dishwasher while I'm doing dishes, or the dog's water bowl, I remove her from the room. She actually understands quite a bit, doesn't mean she wants to do what I ask/tell her to do though.

[carawestt]

I started doing time outs (having him sit on my lap for a min) but I don't know if it's working anymore. Our latest battle is him messing with the oven. Today, I came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the oven door. I've told him over and over, "no that's dangerous!" and he just laughs at me.

[fusion]

I am pretty strict in general and think now is a good time to start disciplining. I use a very stern voice - lower pitched and somewhat mean - when they are doing something that must stop immediately. For something dangerous it's "NO, OWE" or hot is "NO, HOT". They both respond well to it. Then my super sickly sweet voice comes out to give an alternative. For Anna it is still a lot of redirecting. For Jameson he gets one warning and then has to go to his room. Unfortunately sometimes now I will tell Anna no and Jameson thinks he needs to intercede and will shove her away from something. We're working on "You are not in charge of her!".

[Deleted]

I'm in the baby time out camp for dangerous/disgusting things.

Thad gets it. He says "no no no"
When we say time out and walk to the bedroom (ours) to sit. It works especially if he is just to keyed up because it calms him down.

[Chrisx2+1]

Complete side note- a locking trash can saved my sanity!

[Dorothy Zbornak]

Jul 17, 2013 13:21:17 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I started doing time outs (having him sit on my lap for a min) but I don't know if it's working anymore. Our latest battle is him messing with the oven. Today, I came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the oven door. I've told him over and over, "no that's dangerous!" and he just laughs at me.

I loved that post on FB about how it's dangerous. Uh, no shit! I wanted to write that if the oven's actually on, I don't think he'd make it that far in.

[AndyCohen]

Jul 17, 2013 13:21:17 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I started doing time outs (having him sit on my lap for a min) but I don't know if it's working anymore. Our latest battle is him messing with the oven. Today, I came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the oven door. I've told him over and over, "no that's dangerous!" and he just laughs at me.

rjamz has an awesome oven baby proofer thing!

[rjamz]

Jul 17, 2013 15:24:51 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Jul 17, 2013 13:21:17 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I started doing time outs (having him sit on my lap for a min) but I don't know if it's working anymore. Our latest battle is him messing with the oven. Today, I came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the oven door. I've told him over and over, "no that's dangerous!" and he just laughs at me.

rjamz has an awesome oven baby proofer thing!

Yup, I use these on the oven, trash can and wine fridges www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B007A2ZSZ8/ref=mp_s_a_1_fkmr1_1?qid=1374093296&sr=8-1-fkmr1&pi=SL75

Sent from my SPH-D710 using proboards

[carawestt]

Jul 17, 2013 15:19:43 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Jul 17, 2013 13:21:17 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I started doing time outs (having him sit on my lap for a min) but I don't know if it's working anymore. Our latest battle is him messing with the oven. Today, I came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the oven door. I've told him over and over, "no that's dangerous!" and he just laughs at me.

I loved that post on FB about how it's dangerous. Uh, no shit! I wanted to write that if the oven's actually on, I don't think he'd make it that far in.

Haha yeah, that was my mom. I was like no shit, I didn't put him in there.

ETA thanks rjamz and AndyCohen! We're going to Target today to look at what they have too.

[UnicornDog]

Sounds like it's time to start doing time outs with her, then. Thanks, everyone!

[Deleted]

Jul 17, 2013 14:22:41 GMT -5 fusion said:

I am pretty strict in general and think now is a good time to start disciplining. I use a very stern voice - lower pitched and somewhat mean - when they are doing something that must stop immediately. For something dangerous it's "NO, OWE" or hot is "NO, HOT". They both respond well to it. Then my super sickly sweet voice comes out to give an alternative. For Anna it is still a lot of redirecting. For Jameson he gets one warning and then has to go to his room. Unfortunately sometimes now I will tell Anna no and Jameson thinks he needs to intercede and will shove her away from something. We're working on "You are not in charge of her!".

I also have the stern mean voice when it's something serious.  And we also have the 2nd problem where DS1 wants to tell off DS2!  Argh.   I appreciate his trying to help but then it turns into a complete production and everyone ends up crying.

UnicornDog my personal opinion FWIW is that 15 months is too young for time outs.  The books I've read on it suggest around age 2 as being appropriate.  Perhaps some kids "get it" sooner but I think that's rare.  We still utilise a LOT of distraction.  Even DS1 is getting good distracting him when he throws a fit about something

[UnicornDog]

Jul 17, 2013 22:35:23 GMT -5 @starbound said:

Jul 17, 2013 14:22:41 GMT -5 fusion said:

I am pretty strict in general and think now is a good time to start disciplining. I use a very stern voice - lower pitched and somewhat mean - when they are doing something that must stop immediately. For something dangerous it's "NO, OWE" or hot is "NO, HOT". They both respond well to it. Then my super sickly sweet voice comes out to give an alternative. For Anna it is still a lot of redirecting. For Jameson he gets one warning and then has to go to his room. Unfortunately sometimes now I will tell Anna no and Jameson thinks he needs to intercede and will shove her away from something. We're working on "You are not in charge of her!".

I also have the stern mean voice when it's something serious.  And we also have the 2nd problem where DS1 wants to tell off DS2!  Argh.   I appreciate his trying to help but then it turns into a complete production and everyone ends up crying.

UnicornDog my personal opinion FWIW is that 15 months is too young for time outs.  The books I've read on it suggest around age 2 as being appropriate.  Perhaps some kids "get it" sooner but I think that's rare.  We still utilise a LOT of distraction.  Even DS1 is getting good distracting him when he throws a fit about something

I think she's not ready. I tried it tonight when she kept climbing on the table and trying to jump off it, and it was screaming and tears. She clearly did not understand why I was holding her in my lap and saying no, she went right back and did it again, and I even got bit in one of the time-outs, necessitating a time out for biting.

Maybe I will try again in a couple of months. It will just be stern no-saying and redirecting for now. Uuugh, I hope it starts working soon.

[Deleted]

I was at my friend's house today and she told one of her girls to stop playing with the blinds, the girl (15m) laughed and kept playing. Mom said "do you need a time out?" Girls face went straight and she stopped and walked away- so maybe time outs do work now- I thought it was too young. I might start trying for the cat water issue.


But this same mom also bit ("lightly") her daughter to get her to stop biting- supposedly it worked.

carawestt I thought of you! Is Lincoln still biting? I wonder if time out (not on your lap) would work for that? That's got to be such a hard thing to deal with

[devotchka]

When I REALLY don't want him messing with something, I crouch down, have a very stern voice, and say "we don't do ______" very sternly. I have to repeat myself a few times and I expect him to cry (like he does when I take something away) but he seems to get that I am serious and he needs to pay attention - thank god because I was worried about that. He used to laugh when I said "no" and I started to find other ways to say things and it seems to work better. He is nowhere near danger baby status, he is actually very careful and particular, surprisingly! So far at least :/