A week's notice for second baby shower? Really?

[piper]

SIL is pg with twins - her second & third children. Her first is 3 years old.

We had a HUGE shower for her for her first, huge in the number of people a huge expense for those of us who co-hosted.

I just now got an e-vite from one of her friends. The shower is next Saturday, 3 hours away from here. 

I'm super annoyed and want to rsvp no but I know that I will end up going. 

[VillainV]

Are gifts expected? Like, is she registered anywhere? If not, then it could just be an excuse for a fun party.

If it were me, I'd go and get something small and generic -- onesies, burp cloths, etc.

[sneetch]

Geez, her friends are allowed to throw her a shower if they want. You don't have to go if you don't want to.

[piper]

Jul 18, 2013 11:57:47 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Are gifts expected? Like, is she registered anywhere? If not, then it could just be an excuse for a fun party.

If it were me, I'd go and get something small and generic -- onesies, burp cloths, etc.

yes, there is a registry

I have been buying stuff for them since she announced her pregnancy.

I'm not so much annoyed by the fact that she is having a shower, but the short notice bothers me.

[snickers]

A weeks notice sucks, but you don't have to go. Send a gift if you want, and just say something came up.

[anlo]

I know second showers are looked down on by some people, but expecting twins the second time around is a bit different to me. It would have been nice to have more notice, so if you can't or don't want to go, don't. But I don't think a shower in and of itself is bad etiquette in this instance.

[piper]

Jul 18, 2013 11:57:30 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

You don't seem bitter at all.

not bitter, just annoyed at the short notice.

We had plans for next weekend and now I am "expected" by dh's family to attend the shower. 

[lola]

It's an invite, not a subpoena. If you're annoyed don't go.

[Yankees21]

I just got a shower invitation a week ago for a shower on Saturday. I wasn't annoyed but was surprised; I would think most people have plans a week ahead of time in the summer. My MIL received hers at the same time.

[piper]

Jul 18, 2013 12:04:33 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Jul 18, 2013 12:01:37 GMT -5 piper said:

not bitter, just annoyed at the short notice.

We had plans for next weekend and now I am "expected" by dh's family to attend the shower. 

I get the annoyance over the short notice.  It sounds like poor planning on someone's part.  It's okay to say no (as you certainly already know).

That you mentioned the "huge expense" you and your co-hosts were burdened with for her first shower is what made your OP sound bitter.

Gotcha, I didn't mean to sound bitter.

[sonrisa]

One week notice for an event that will require 6 hours of driving and could have been planned well in advance? Yeah, not cool.

[ECB]

Jul 18, 2013 12:01:37 GMT -5 piper said:

We had plans for next weekend and now I am "expected" by dh's family to attend the shower. 

Let them "expect" all they want.  Not only would I not drive 3 hours each way, I sure as heck wouldn't break plans for this.  That's incredibly rude.

[rex]

The distance coupled with the short notice are what would annoy me. If you don't want to go, then don't.

Second showers don't bother me.

[Kit]

Jul 18, 2013 12:12:39 GMT -5 ECB said:

Jul 18, 2013 12:01:37 GMT -5 piper said:

We had plans for next weekend and now I am "expected" by dh's family to attend the shower. 

Let them "expect" all they want.  Not only would I not drive 3 hours each way, I sure as heck wouldn't break plans for this.  That's incredibly rude.

This is where I'm at.

One week's notice for a 3 hour each way trip? That doesn't work for me. 

[cheeseandcrackers]

It's a little annoying, but I would probably go anyway.

[Deleted]

It totally sucks and I don't think you should go esp since you'd be breaking plans.

But just a leeeeetle bit of insight -- if she's a) starting to have problems in pregnancy or b) getting nervous about potential problems, she might have wanted to have it sooner than originally planned. A lot of twin pregnancies have their showers earlier than most because of things like this. I had mine "late" (even my OB and MFM said it was late) at 32 weeks. I can see her bringing this up and the shower planners being like ".....shit!" and rushing to get it done.

[lime]

I honestly wouldn't go. I certainly wouldn't break plans for a last minute notice.

So what if people are irritated? The world won't end.

[ECB]

Jul 18, 2013 12:24:01 GMT -5 lime said:

So what if people are irritated? The world won't end.

Also, why is your DH's family's  "expectations" (and in turn irritations) more important than your friends (or whoever your plans are with) and their possible "irritation" at you breaking plans? 

[cleo29]

If you have plans, you have plans. It's a risk they took giving people such short notice.

I don't mind second showers or sprinkles. In normal situations, if the kids are close in age or the same sex, I don't expect the need for gifts, but I am behind celebrating the new baby.

[Deleted]

Don't go. Who cares?

They certainly don't really want you there, or you would've gotten more than a week's notice. LOL.

[ginap]

Jul 18, 2013 12:21:49 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

It totally sucks and I don't think you should go esp since you'd be breaking plans.

But just a leeeeetle bit of insight -- if she's a) starting to have problems in pregnancy or b) getting nervous about potential problems, she might have wanted to have it sooner than originally planned. A lot of twin pregnancies have their showers earlier than most because of things like this. I had mine "late" (even my OB and MFM said it was late) at 32 weeks. I can see her bringing this up and the shower planners being like ".....shit!" and rushing to get it done.

I agree with this.  We have friends who are expecting twins and my H and I were going to host a celebratory bbq for them and we decided to do it the last weekend of June and she is due in August.  She ended up being put on bed rest the Wednesday before the party and we had to cancel last minute.  All parties involved were bummed.  

[trafficgirl]

Jul 18, 2013 12:49:14 GMT -5 ginap said:

Jul 18, 2013 12:21:49 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

It totally sucks and I don't think you should go esp since you'd be breaking plans.

But just a leeeeetle bit of insight -- if she's a) starting to have problems in pregnancy or b) getting nervous about potential problems, she might have wanted to have it sooner than originally planned. A lot of twin pregnancies have their showers earlier than most because of things like this. I had mine "late" (even my OB and MFM said it was late) at 32 weeks. I can see her bringing this up and the shower planners being like ".....shit!" and rushing to get it done.

I agree with this.  We have friends who are expecting twins and my H and I were going to host a celebratory bbq for them and we decided to do it the last weekend of June and she is due in August.  She ended up being put on bed rest the Wednesday before the party and we had to cancel last minute.  All parties involved were bummed.  

::slightly off-topic::

Ugh - this is what I'm afraid of. Thankfully my larger showers are during weeks 26 and 27, with the latest one at week 30, but it still makes me nervous.

And yes, I'm having 3 showers - it was not my idea. However the invites for the first one went out this week, so yay for not doing it last minute?

[julez]

Jul 18, 2013 12:01:37 GMT -5 piper said:

Jul 18, 2013 11:57:30 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

You don't seem bitter at all.

not bitter, just annoyed at the short notice.

We had plans for next weekend and now I am "expected" by dh's family to attend the shower. 

Well, are you busy or not?

[iamgrace]

I'd be happy for just a weeks notice. Excellent excuse to skip it. I hate showers.

[auntie]

Longer notice would have been nice given the distance. But sometimes these sorts of this are last minute and very casual. If you can't make it, don't kill yourself. A three hour drive excuses you from a must attend status.