Post by sunshineray on Jul 19, 2013 0:31:43 GMT -5
I told him I wanted a divorce and asked him to move out. I went to a girlfriend's house tonight and we talked. I needed an IRL perspective I guess before I made that leap. She only validated what everyone here and on ML has been telling me the entire time. I think H and I are both in shock right now. He was angry. And defensive. Which wasn't unexpected. I literally just dropped it on him, but it really shouldn't have come as any surprise. He said he's calling out of work tomorrow so we can keep talking, but we'll see if he actually does that. I told him there wasn't anything left to say but he disagrees.
I'm so proud of how I stood up for myself tonight. I was exceptionally calm and I think that scared the shit out of him. Since he makes less than I do (did. I'm getting paid till Dec.) I think I'll just stay in our apartment since I think I can afford it. I'll need to come up with an actual single income budget very soon though.
Either way. Thank you. I know I've probably been insufferable over the last 6 weeks or so with my indecision but I couldn't have done it without all of you. It's so hard and so scary but I feel so relieved. Even though he's so angry. Thank you, thank you.
Post by dixienormous on Jul 19, 2013 8:30:17 GMT -5
I'm glad that you took action and are working for what's right for you and your child. I'm sorry it's a shitty situation. But seriously, like everyone else has said, I'm proud of you for taking this HUGE step.
Yay for standing up for yourself! One scary hurdle out of the way. There will be more but you just took a huge step towards a way better future for yourself. Get a lawyer, and a budget, and a therapist if you haven't already. Even a few sessions can be helpful to reaffirm that your decisions/thoughts/emotions are valid and to help you work through any fears.
Post by sunshineray on Jul 19, 2013 10:42:47 GMT -5
Lol @ Kuus.
Thank you all for the support and encouragement. He didn't go to work today apparently. I'm getting ready to drop DD at summer camp and then she'll be at exH's house this weekend. I will be finding plenty of things to do outside of our house. I don't plan on moving out of here, but I think I will pack a weekend bag so I don't have to come back here if I don't want to for a few days.
I would love to get some help from creepy Internet strangers about my budget. Haha. I'll start a separate thread here at some point and maybe on MM. I don't have any CC debt so hopefully they won't tear me up.
So, now I have to deal with emotions AND logistics huh? ::deep breaths::
You've got this, sunshine! And when you feel like you don't, we'll be here to remind you how strong you are.
You've gotten yourself out of one terrible situation and are working to get yourself out of another. You're asking for help and taking it. All of this shows your strength. I truly hope much calmer and happier times are in the near future. Also, I recommend counseling/therapy, as others have. There's so much you've been through that I think having a safe place & person to process it all and help you get back in touch with yourself would be beneficial.
Post by bullygirl979 on Jul 19, 2013 12:15:03 GMT -5
I don't know your backstory but congrats on standing up for yourself and taking the next step. It sucks and it is scary. DEFINITELY hire an attorney and DEFINITELY get a therapist. Even if you don't think you need one it is a long and emotional road. Please come hang out on the SO board if you need some support. There are ladies (and our resident dude) in every stage of starting over from the exact point where you're at to, well, I'm 5 years post divorce. It is a great board.
Post by starrieskies on Jul 19, 2013 12:29:15 GMT -5
YAY! Good job sunshine! That took so much strength! Ditto on the recommendations for a lawyer and therapist! You'll need both! You might not think you will, but you will. They will each help make this as easy as possible for you in their own way.
Good job, I followed your posts on ML and here. You don't have to talk to him. Don't let him discuss things with you that you don't want to discussed. He was wrong, you said your piece, now it's time to get a lawyer and not engage him in these emotionally charged talks that are draining you. If he wants to talk, tell him to get a therapist (you should too) because you've said your piece. He chose to send naked pictures of himself to friends and family behind your back, you're choosing to not be married to someone who can't respect you. Don't let him bully you into talking and rehashing things to try to get you to change your mind.
Also, consult a lawyer before packing a bag and leaving for the weekend, it can be considered abandonment.
Shitty situation but good news. You need to do what's right for you and your DD. Definitely visit MM for help on a single income budget. They're very good at helping people out. And SO is another good board with lots of support, as PP stated.