For our Ironwomen, and all triathletes.

[Susie]

RP from a friend on FB who is training (now tapering) for IMLP:

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It's taper time and we know what that means. We have extra time on our hands. I took some time and documented the definitions of some things that have changed in my world since Ironman took over. This is all original and inspired by my journey. What would you add?

Bars - Places one used to frequent with comrades for refreshment. (See Friends and Beer.) Bars are now the source of nutrition that make up about 25% of your total dietary intake.

Beer - Nectar of the Gods….just not the Ironman Gods. Very little room for beer in the Ironman way. Creative types have adopted it for use in treating any ale-ments and brew-ses.

Bicycle - A self-propelled two-wheeled piece of training equipment that elicits extreme love or hate, sometimes at the same time. More than one is necessary; monogamy not required.

Burn - You are a veteran athlete. This no longer refers to the painful sensation in your legs or your lungs; your IronMind manages that before it even registers. Burn now refers to the needlelike sensation in your eyes from your own sweat pouring directly into them. Made worse by attempting to wipe said burning eyes with a sweat soaked shirt. Fail.

Doing My Hair - Once was the time spent making my hair sleek, silky, and sexy. Now it simply refers to putting my hair in a braid in preparation for a swim, bike, or run.

Friends - Those people whose names you may or may not remember who still love and support you even though you haven’t seen them for weeks and you quite possibly have no common interests or things to talk about. Unless they want to talk about triathlon. Because you can talk about triathlon for days.

Glass - An item always preceded by “sun” and written in the plural form; a very important accessory for cycling and running. Not because it is necessary to keep the sun out of your eyes (what sun?), but because your eyes don’t drink water. See Rain. And speaking of drinking, a “glass” used to refer to a vessel used for transporting water to your body, but all glasses of this type have been replaced by sports bottles.

Grocery Shopping - “Holy shit, I’m out of bars! I better go to the store…”

Housework - Huh?

Laundry - The act of cleaning mounds of sweaty workout clothes and towels, and then stringing them about the house to dry because they can’t go in the dryer. The towels can go in the Towel Dryer, aptly renamed because they are the only thing that can go in said appliance.

Massage - A therapeutic modality used for offsetting the biomechanical harm done to the body every day. (Not to be confused with a therapy used to sooth tired muscles and restore peace.) In the endurance athlete, it is known as trigger point therapy, it hurts like hell, and the trigger points are directly connected to the tear ducts. On a side note, I should have my VO2 max retested because I think the breathing techniques used to endure such massage certainly has elevated my VO2 by at least 2 ml/kg!

Music - Any melodic sound which pumped directly into the ears provides instant fuel for any training session. The louder the better. Angry undertones and vulgarity encouraged, as well as anything that makes you go faster. Extra points if it silences the voices in your head.

Nap - Any time throughout the day when you fall asleep, whether planned or unplanned. Should be used minimally at work, especially at your desk and in meetings.

Peanut Butter - Nectar of the Ironman Gods…a complete food rich in healthy fats and much needed protein. Best consumed with jelly, Nutella, chocolate, or a spoon.

Rain - A training partner for anyone training in the northeast this year. He is consistent and ever-present, regardless of what sport you are training or what time of day you are doing it. Do not confuse Rain with Friend.

Shopping - The act of buying more swim/bike/run gear. You cannot remember the last time you went to the mall, but you have every tri source bookmarked online and nothing makes you happier than getting a new piece of gear. Chainlove, you are evil!

Sleep - The hypothetical amount of rest constantly being calculated (in hours) one would get if they went to bed right now. But who goes to bed right now?

Taper - The final stage of the training program. Often confused with the time required to rest and dial in the benefits of the training. The primary goal is to simply reduce the amount of time spent training and replace it with double the amount of time spent worrying.

Training Plan - The roadmap of your life. All activities revolve around the plan. No exceptions. Checking off all the boxes each week will require herculean efforts and completely insane behavior.

Yoga - A restorative modality used to stretch and elongate tired muscles. The Ironman way is to go big or go home, so we do Bikram, which reduces it to yet another sweatfest in the weekly program.

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I haven't even done a full and I can relate!

[katandkevin]

I love those!

[joenali]

App like!!

[trigal]

Who has time to put their hit in a braid???