I'm having a bad day (Vent)

[letyourselfgo]

If you've read my previous posts, you'll know I have a lot of issues that I'm dealing with.
I've been feeling especially lonely the last day or so, which is kind of usual on the weekends. I go to places, I try to interact with others.....but I still feel completely alone.

That's when I start craving male companionship. Hugs, kisses, one on one talks.
Every time I've had these desires crop up, in respect of my "Man Ban", I try to banish them by distracting myself with something else. Lately, it's been bike riding around the neighborhood.

Bicycling worked the first couple of these times.....but I'm having a nasty day so far today, I keep thinking "Why can't you just give up the Man Ban and go chase after some guys??"

I'm trying to stay strong, but it's getting really, really hard.

I'm doing the Man Ban to try to help myself, and to become a person who is okay with being on my own and NOT feeling like I need a man.....but I think that I need kick in the pants and encouragement to keep going with this.

Thanks!

[doriswe]

You know how when you decide you need to lose weight and you start telling everyone "I'm on a diet, I can't eat that" and then ALL you can think about is food and how you're missing it?? This is sort of similiar! You've declared a ban on men which has now made you do nothing but think about them.

Here's the thing....I get missing the affection and attention from a man, I really do, but "chasing guys" just to get it seems a bit off. Why do you feel the need to lust after that attention from guys? What are you lacking that you need external reassurance that you're desirable??

I can't remember if you're in counseling or not, but I'd suggest going and discussing this. You are a whole person, and a fantabulous person, even without some dude telling you so, kwim??

[letyourselfgo]

Jun 17, 2012 16:08:16 GMT -5 doriswe said:

You know how when you decide you need to lose weight and you start telling everyone "I'm on a diet, I can't eat that" and then ALL you can think about is food and how you're missing it?? This is sort of similiar! You've declared a ban on men which has now made you do nothing but think about them.

Here's the thing....I get missing the affection and attention from a man, I really do, but "chasing guys" just to get it seems a bit off. Why do you feel the need to lust after that attention from guys? What are you lacking that you need external reassurance that you're desirable??


I can't remember if you're in counseling or not, but I'd suggest going and discussing this. You are a whole person, and a fantabulous person, even without some dude telling you so, kwim??

I'm in therapy at this time, seeing a psychologist actually. She wants me to focus on getting my life together, and not on being single or not, or whether I'm ever going to re-marry or not....

Just keeping things honest and real.

Thanks Doris, I'm thinking about what you said.

[doriswe]

I'm glad you're in therapy already! Being alone is hard sometimes and I'm glad you're honest and real! Hopefully you can get to the core issue and you'll be less focused on men!
((hugs))

[startingover2010]

Some great advice that I got (and followed) when I was going through the process was get manis, pedis, facials, massages, etc.. It helps with that need for human touch, but in a totally safe and man-ban free way. I don't know if it would help you, but if it's in your budget, it might be worth a try. Good luck to you...these feelings will pass in time!

[letyourselfgo]

Jun 18, 2012 7:41:01 GMT -5 startingover2010 said:

Some great advice that I got (and followed) when I was going through the process was get manis, pedis, facials, massages, etc.. It helps with that need for human touch, but in a totally safe and man-ban free way. I don't know if it would help you, but if it's in your budget, it might be worth a try. Good luck to you...these feelings will pass in time!

Thanks. I booked a Swedish Massage for Saturday morning at the Local Massage School. It's not very expensive at all, going to them.

[farfalla2011]

Another thing you might try and do is hang out with friends. When you are feeling lonely, at least that would give you someone to chat with without trying to chase guys. And I agree with one of the other posters, the more focus you put on avoiding guys, the more you are going to think about guys which will make your goal harder.

Try and develop hobbies and do stuff you truly enjoy. It will get easier, I think you need to try and change your focus a little bit and it will help a lot!

[Deleted]

It is difficult to be alone through a lot of activities. I ditto PP who mentioned hanging with friends. Also, I joined a lot of volunteer groups when I was single that helped me interact with people and pets. I got my fill through those activities so when I went home at night, I was (quite) as lonely.