Zurich Newlyweds - Advice Appreciated!

[carolinalt4]

So I started this on the thread on TH and a very friendly poster directed me here. Essentially starting to have a few questions / worries about moving permanently to Zurich with DF (not DH for 5 more months!). It was so much easier when I moved around the world as a single lady. Now it's like, oh, you're getting married. And moving your life again. To be with someone whom you now consult on life decisions. And you may not live in US again. And 50% of marriages end in divorce. And your children will be hybrids (US-UK). Anyway, no idea what I'm looking for other than commiseration and advice for starting a new marriage in a foreign land and any answers to questions below. Many many thanks!!!!!!

From TN wesbite (repost)
So after many years of assuming I'd be single forever (with the family chorus backing up this tune) I met DF (not quite DH until November!) and we're delirious and happy etc. etc.

He is a Brit and transferred to his Swiss practice last year. I lived in the UK for a long time (how we met) but moved back to the US (Southern Belle). Yup, currently commuting US - CH. But that's all about to end in November and I have a MILLION concerns and questions I'd love some tips on from International Nesties or other newlyweds.

1. Moving to Switzerland after the wedding - Work Permits and Name Changes. I know I qualify for working papers and residency (based on qualifications needed) and our marital status once we are married. Any one struggle with an international move / name change? I want to change my name but the sheer and utter FAFF of it all makes me want to wait until I'm settled in Zurich with all my Swiss paperwork sorted and furniture on a boat before attempting this. Any advice?

2. Living with a boy/hubby - My parents are elated - Managed to reach 30 (in 5 days!) without co-habitating with a man. Umm, yes that's fine but now am moving 4000 miles away AND living with a MAN and a HUSBAND for the first time. Grew up with 2 brothers but doubt this is the same thing...(we aren't traditional or anything but never made it to the 'living together' stage before exiting the UK). Any tips/fights to expect or look out for when moving in with someone? Particularly given that it's not our native country and a smaller-than-normal apartment? I'd like to not be divorced please

3. Moving your STUFF - As we're both older than 27 we have our own stuff. I'm selling most of my electronics, car, TV, flatscreen, KitchenAid (that stings) and packing my nice interior decor up and shipping a container over after the wedding. Any tips on THAT? Keep hearing crazy things about how I need to have my permits sorted (could take 12 weeks) first but then I only have 3 months to send wedding gifts over duty free (hmmm). Or how to, umm, gently, REMOVE some of future DH's IKEA rejects and 'non-stick' pans that were 'non-stick' 40 years ago (seriously, we may not be able to have children based on the amount of petroleum based crud he scrapes into our scrambled eggs in that damn non-stick pan every morning - he declares it's still a non-stick pan despite needing a blow torch to remove anything from the bottom). Tips on nesting internationally in general?

4. Anyone else in Zurich? I LOVE that city; heck I love Switzerland and I've lived a lot of places all over the world. We're living in Kriess 2 so near the fashionable places but thankfully not paying their rent! No kids for a while though!!!! Despite what my mother says, 30 is NOT too old to wait a few years!

So happy they have this section now and willingly take all advice on starting this new (scary and fun) adventure with the Mister!

I'm adding one more thing - returning to the US and Uk for visits. How have other families coped with not only splitting time with relatives but also the cost of flying all over the world for family holidays. I made DF promise that we wouldn't just 'abandon' my US family because we're living in Europe and the UK is so much closer...

[ktkl09]

Hello, DH and I are in Switzerland, but not Zurich. There are two ladies on here in Zurich though.

[Deleted]

Congrats on the marriage! I stayed in the US for a couple of months after my wedding to change my name and get all of the visas/paperwork done with my married name to reduce hassle of changing it after. This might not be the ideal way for you to start your marriage though.
2. be understanding and forgiving. If you aren't used to the tiny space, both are not native to Switzerland, and your H is from the UK, there will be misunderstandings. Living with anyone new is bound to have a few rough patches as you adjust.
3. On moving stuff, you won't have as much space for stuff as you did before. I sold or gave away all of my household stuff except for my books.
4. I know nothing of Zurich, but I'm sure you will love it

With family vacations, we usually plan for once a year to visit the US. We also tend to do a mini vacation in the US when we are there so tthat all of our vacation time isn't spent with my family.

[allibally]

I moved to Zurich with my German then FI in July 2010 and we moved back to the US in September 2011. He was already living and working in Switzerland a year + before I came.

But we moved to Zurich together because at the time it was the only Canton we could get married in while I was on a tourist visa. We got married in Winterthur. I still haven't changed my name... I didn't want to redo any of my Swiss papers, we filed H's US visa a month after we married. I just didn't want the hassle. Now I am just being lazy and debating if I'll change it anyways. Haha. I'll probably get the ball rolling when I finally change my driver's license from WI to IL. FYI you have a year to change your US license to a Swiss one. Otherwise after a year you have to do classes and such adding up to more CHF.

I loved Zurich. We lived near Oerlikon the last stop on Tram 11. You have a great location to live! Prices for rent and finding a place is so hard! It took me over a year before I felt like I was darting to belong and then we moved. :/ But I had unfinished stuff in the US. We might move back in 5-10 years.

I brought two suitcases. I am younger and we knew that this was a short time thing. So not much help there.

My two things about Zürich that everyone should go to. Street Parade in August and see the Böörg explode in Spring. National Day is less then spectacular compared to the Böörg. Day trip to Rapperwil. And always take weekend and day trips to the different cities in CH.

[allibally]

Oh and because I saw you thing about giving birth in Zurich or London. Obviously in your far future. It's supposedly suppose to be fantastic to have babies in Switzerland. You stay in the hospital for 7 days. The meals are suppose to be great. I read a blog post for someone who had foot surgery in Geneva. She was photographing her meals. They were like 5 star quality.

If we moved back to CH and were in the position at the time for kids I wouldn't hesitate too badly. But I would lean greatly on the knowledge that my H speaks German and can advocate for me! Haha

Paternity leave sucks though. I believ it's legally one day. Some offices will give you freebies. Otherwise you have to use vacation. One of the ladies living in Germany DH gets crazy amounts of paternity leave. So it's crazy how things are so black and white between countries.

[travelingturtle]

If you're getting a container, you might as well fill it up. I would get some pots and pans you like so then it only makes sense to get rid of the other stuff.

[swissmama]

Hello, I'm in Zurich with my Swiss DH and our two kids.

We got married here, and my name changed automatically with the marriage paper work, so I don't have any advice about changing your name before moving or after.

I moved here when I was 26 and I didn't have a lot of stuff to bring with. I sold most of my things since they weren't very nice anyway. I came over with 2 suitcases, but if you're getting a container then I would also fill it up. Everything is much more expensive here, as I'm sure you realize, so I would get as much stuff in the container as you can.

I know you won't have babies for a while, but FWIW I had both of mine here and Alli is right, it was great. I was actually looking forward to my hospital stay for the second one. I had really great experiences, and the food was great!

And I second (third?) Alli and Publius about getting your driver's license switched ASAP. I didn't do it within the first year because we don't have a car and I wasn't planning on staying more than a few years. We still don't have a car, but it looks like we'll be here indefinitely and I'm wishing I would have done it so I wouldn't have to worry about it now.

[Deleted]

I've been living in Zurich for over 2 years. We are 2 Americans that moved here with a 10 week old at the time. I now have 2 kids, gave birth to one in Zurich last year and it was a good experience.

As for combining households -- get rid of duplicates before you move. Goodwill should have your house address memorized before you fill your shipping container. It's a PITA to get rid of stuff in CH. I would buy anything and Everything you think you will want or need in Zurich in the US. Everything is 2 or 3x as expensive in CH. Also if you don't plan to have a car while living in Zurich buying bulky items can be a pain to get home.

You have 12 months to get your DL in CH. You must make sure your US DL has not expired and you have had it for a few years or you have a big hassle to deal with in CH.

I think the first year of living together is always the hardest. You have to learn about each other in different ways. Tack on a foreign country and you will have some more challenges but it will all be worth it and perfect.

Don't plan on not paying duty for wedding gifts. I have had gifts sent to us that were labeled gifts and we sometimes still had to fork over cash. If my mom writes USED clothing or whatever it is then no duties have ever been collected.

We live in Kreis 8, near the lake. This is an amazing country and I wouldn't change a thing about my experience!

[allibally]

Jun 18, 2012 1:08:16 GMT -5 @publius said:

The only downside is that Swiss healthcare is seriously expensive. I think our policy was just shy of $1k a month for the two of us and that was with H's company picking up the vast majority of the tab.

For the two of us it was less. Maybe around $500. I had the lowest coverage possible. H had about medium. We were under 25 though. I know it increases with age bracket.

But OMG did we have the most terrible time with the insurance company I had. Which I never ever got an insurance card for... but somehow he were paying them 200 CHF a month. And my doctor they listed was in Luzern.

I had Agilia (stay the hell away) H had CSS. He payed more but the customer service was so much better. We even went there to try and switch mine and find answers and the lady from CSS called my company for me. She got the same runaround and muttered this is bullshit. We had to get an ombudsman (intermediary) involved to finally settle a claim with Agilia. You can only cancel it at certain times of the year or something... so I was stuck with them.

[ktkl09]

Jun 18, 2012 2:57:33 GMT -5 allibally said:

Jun 18, 2012 1:08:16 GMT -5 @publius said:

The only downside is that Swiss healthcare is seriously expensive. I think our policy was just shy of $1k a month for the two of us and that was with H's company picking up the vast majority of the tab.

For the two of us it was less. Maybe around $500. I had the lowest coverage possible. H had about medium. We were under 25 though. I know it increases with age bracket.

But OMG did we have the most terrible time with the insurance company I had. Which I never ever got an insurance card for... but somehow he were paying them 200 CHF a month. And my doctor they listed was in Luzern.

I had Agilia (stay the hell away) H had CSS. He payed more but the customer service was so much better. We even went there to try and switch mine and find answers and the lady from CSS called my company for me. She got the same runaround and muttered this is bullshit. We had to get an ombudsman (intermediary) involved to finally settle a claim with Agilia. You can only cancel it at certain times of the year or something... so I was stuck with them.

DH and I pay around 800chf/month for health insurance. We have the most expensive plan, but it's worth it.

Like the others said, get your driver's license ASAP or it will be become a major PITA.

Everything is insanely expensive and you will experience a lot of sticker shock, but you'll get used to it eventually.

[ktkl09]

Oh and my DH is Swiss, we were married in the US so I had no issues with name changes. I changed my name in the US and used my married name on all of our visa paperwork.

[tktravels]

I may have a different approach to packing and moving things than many of you. DH & I didn't have a lot of stuff to begin with (we used to share a 30 m2 studio apt with our two cats), and after having moved so many times in the last few years, we have realized that you actually need and use a lot less than you initially think you will.

When we moved to Morocco, I had embassy pouch rights, and as such, could send myself about 50kg worth of educational materials. The government did not, however, extend such rights when we left at the end of my contract, so all of the books, etc., were donated to my host university.

This year, we decided that, if we cannot carry it (with allowances made for a luggage trolly at the airport!), we cannot take it. We have crammed our lives (and the lives of our two cats) into four foot lockers that, when full, tip the scales at 96kg total.

Limiting yourself saves both time and clutter/space, and really forces you to think about the things you choose to keep in your life. And things may be super expensive when you land, but I see that as another way to limit myself from becoming overloaded by things that we don't really need. That and I typically choose second hand shops, etc.

I know our way of living isn't for everyone, but the longer you do it, the easier it gets. And it's really liberating too.

Anyway, good luck with your marriage and your move! Getting used to any new place can be trying at times, but especially so when there is so much newness all at once. Be patient with yourself and with your soon-to-be husband!

[clickerish]

Not from Zurich, but I can only echo the above. Try to see it as a new adventure that is bound to have ups and downs. Remember that, just like in the UK, Switzerland is a lot smaller size-wise than what you have in the US. You probably will only regret bringing large amounts of stuff with you.

Try not to anticipate the issues. So, for example, the child thing. Unless you are getting pregnant tomorrow, there is time to deal with that stress down the line. Just focus on the getting married and name change, focus on what you must deal with now. It makes it far less stressful.

Also, you may not always live in Switzerland. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. Nothing is set in stone, because you can always re-think that later. But if your children are raised between both, it will be to their advantage, not to their detriment!

I like to try to think of the positives and dwell on those. Yes, divorce rate is 50%, but guess what? In that 50% a lot of them are starter marriages from younger people, or people who divorce several times. This in no way dooms your marriage. You're older. Presumably you have thought this through maturely. There is no reason why your marriage would fail!

Good luck!

[carolinalt4]

Thanks y'all!

Yeah we're definitely excited - maybe a touch nervous as it's been 'his' flat for last 13 months and soon to be 'ours'. I honestly think it'll be better to start our lives not in the US or UK with our families looking on

I wish I could be one of those people who can fit their lives into a footlocker. I really do. I did move to UK long ago with 2 heavy suitcases but we'll now be two pack rats in a tiny flat.

Sticker shock was ugly, I agree. Went to a VEGETARIAN restaurant in Zurich, no big label, and each had a main course with a glass of juice and split a bottle of water. $100 USD our bill was. The weekly grocery shop just floors me. We live right by Sihl City so the Coop is convenient but holy moly - for the first time in my life I find myself designing the weekly menus around what's on sale!

Thanks of the advice with DL. I never switched my US to UK because I had to take the written and declare 'manual or automatic' and didn't like the restriction

No idea what we'll do about name change and visas. We have a little over a week to sort everything so trying to figure out best plan of attack. Also firing up the German lessons whilst waiting (not much call for German in the South though...)

Anyway, thanks again!!! Am sure will have more questions. But yes, I happened to be in Zurich when they blew up the Snowman (please don't ask me to remember the German name). It was cold and rainy so didn't go to the parade but by golly do those Swiss know how to put on a show?!?! FI also sent photos from Basel during their Carnivale. We giggled at how the party may have ended at 2am with a foot of confetti and glitter on the ground but by 8am when he walked to the office the streets were pristine once more....having lived in Notting Hill during the Notting Hill Carnival I can only applaud!

And yes, throwing away ANYTHING in CH is a PITA. I come to visit and still see bundles of paper, clothing and recycling from my previous trip (where I bundled the stuff in the first place) as FI missed the collection date. Finally found the plastic bottle bank in Sihl City (thank you thank you thank you!!!!!). I will guiltily say that I've deliberately and cruelly tossed a foil yogurt lid into the Zuri sack, BECAUSE I CAN (sorry, the defiant American still sometimes needs to rebel against order and society).

[allibally]

Ahh shopping the sales. I once carried two 6 packs of 1.5L cokes. From shop to tram and then tram to apartment. Because they were half off... Two apartments away I broke down and called H.

We didn't go out much because of prices. But check out Le Rendez-vous. It's along tram 13 on your side of town. Around Bahnof Enge. It was delicious and service was good.

Hope the move goes smoothly.