Mommy wars?

[Deleted]

My only advice is to not engage.

[VillainV]

I'm sorry she's like that. Sometimes super-smart people do have problems with people skills. I'm not super-smart by any means, but I can be socially inept sometimes and only realize afterward that I've put my foot in my mouth. I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful.....but yeah, I would be bothered by her comments.

[thejackpot]

Try not to let it get under your skin. She does have a point about having plan B in your mind allows you to not work so hard on plan A. That is a good and bad thing. It is great to be determined and push through it is another to be so determined that you get in your own way.
Truthfully, so many things dealing with motherhood are such personal choices that it doesn't even make sense to discuss with others.

[2curlydogs]

Jul 31, 2013 22:08:39 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Jul 31, 2013 21:52:27 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

My only advice is to not engage.

That's what I've done. About the BFing I was like "yeah, I mean, I've heard a lot of stories and sometimes it just doesn't work out" and she still insisted it was all about how bad you want to do it.

Partially what I think is annoying is that I'm her client. 

I'd stop engaging her on the topic at all.  You have reasonable expectations and she's clearly got her head so far stuck up her own ass she thinks she poops diamonds.

says the mom who used hypnotism for a med-free childbirth and bf until 14 months....

[runblondie26]

Jul 31, 2013 21:52:27 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

My only advice is to not engage.

This. Don't let it rattle you.

I probably would have gotten fired up over this stuff with my first pregnancy. I had a failed induction that ended with a c-section, got an epidural during the process, used disposable diapers, only breast fed (actually pumped exclusively) for 3 months, etc. etc... all the stuff that would make many moms tsk, tsk and shake their heads. But you know what, after all that my kid is still awesome    So other moms can take their opinion and STFU.

There's no one way that works best for everyone, so don't engage and try to argue. You'll figure out what works best for you and your baby.

[disappointedkittens]

Yes, I also agree to not engage. It's possible that she thinks she's being helpful, or that she is just trying to tell you how SHE plans to get through it and it's coming accross poorly. Or she's just a jerk.
I have a friend who is constantly posting rants on facebook about how she still breast feeds her 2 year old, and HOW could a monther take away such a wonderful activity from an innocent needy child. However, she herself stopped breastfeeding her first child at 6 months because she needed to go on some medication that was incompatible with breastfeeding, and it was a very tough decision for her to make.
I think some people either just forget, or are trying so hard to put on a show for others that they are doing the "right" things that they don't consider others feelings, or that the right thing depends very much on the individual mother and child.

[winecheery]

I really like going into unchartered waters (such as this birthing, parenting business etc) with strong ideas of what *I* want to try to do. But I also like to be realistic about those ideas and recognize that plans change, and sometimes you find yourself in situations you never thought you would be in, and it turns out to be the best thing that ever happened.

I say don't even bother to discuss baby related things with this person if the convo always leaves you frustrated or feeling judged. If you cannot listen to her blather, and let it roll off your shoulders because deep down you know what is best for you, just avoid the topic all together. I'm sure this is not easy to do.

[jennifertx]

Don't let her make you feel bad because your way is not her way. Her way is certainly not the end all be all, and chances are the baby may throw a kink in her perfect plans. There are so many circumstances beyond our control, and I think you have to be flexible or you will just end up driving yourself crazy.

[2curlydogs]

Aug 1, 2013 11:32:05 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Aug 1, 2013 8:04:41 GMT -5 2curlydogs said:

I'd stop engaging her on the topic at all.  You have reasonable expectations and she's clearly got her head so far stuck up her own ass she thinks she poops diamonds.

says the mom who used hypnotism for a med-free childbirth and bf until 14 months....

I love you.
I'm really not that upset I just wonder if anyone else has this stuff going on and if you have any fun comebacks.

Whats funny, I just think I'm more flexible, which isn't my usual self. My H has rubbed off on me I guess. He's Mr Low Key. Lol.

I get it a lot from my brother and his wife, who both have long suffered from the "EXPERT ON ALL THINGS" syndrome.

I just nod and smile and escape as soon as possible.  I don't try and continue or prolong the conversation.

Rarely do I actually offer my opinion.  And never while we're dealing with the problem.

So an example was sleep training.  B was always a relatively good sleeper, but like any baby he would wake up at nights.  And H and I chose to not CIO with him.  That was what we were comfortable with as parents.  And, really, it worked for us.  We never had to let him CIO and at 12 months he was sleeping straight thru from 7pm to 7am.  So, yay, right?  Well, when B was around 11 months I was chatting with my brother and made a stupid off-hand comment about how B had woken up last night, so I was a bit tired.  And was promptly treated to a dissertation on CIO and why it's good and he and his wife did it and blah.  And I just nodded and smiled and went away. Fastforward to this past April, we were all out for lunch after a funeral and, somehow, it came up again.  And my brother said some sort of conspiratorial "nudge nudge wink wink" thing like "Well, sometimes you just have to let them learn how to self-soothe to learn how to sleep. Right Curly?"  And THEN I got to say "Actually, we never did that with B. We felt that, if he was waking up it was for a reason, even if he wasn't hungry. So we never let him CIO and he learned how to sleep just fine."  BAM. End.Of.Discussion.

It's just not worth the bother otherwise.  Because then you'll hear "Oh, JUST WAIT until your baby refuses to nap unless you're holding them/you're running on 3 hours of sleep for 5 days straight/wakes up 6 times a night/won't stay asleep unless you're rocking them/blows up/etc."  Which can be a complete and utter load of horseshit as far as you're concerned if it's something you're not comfortable with or unwilling to do or whatever.  B went thru phases of all of those things, but that didn't mean we were suddenly miraculously comfortable with letting him cry.

[blushing]

Just a lurker here, but I wanted to tell you that she is setting herself up for PPD. I had PPD and attended a CBT group as part of my 'recovery'. There were 5 moms that attended and all 5 of us ended up with PPD because motherhood had not met our expectations. I know PPD has to do with a chemical imbalance in our brains, but the common theme for all of us were our expectations. So next time she starts up maybe say something to her about trying to save yourself from the hassle of PPD and not having expectations or something like that. Of course then she will probably mention how she is planning on having a placenta smoothie to combat that.