Ugh vent of sorts...

[Dory1988]

Let me preface this by saying I realize that DH and I haven't been super wise with our money lately and now we have crap for money in our savings and we're living paycheck to paycheck. It sucks. I don't work, we paid for a vacation, our electric bill skyrocketed because its summer. It's just like everything hit at once.

We got roommates at the beginning of the summer. They pay less to live here than half of what it costs for us to pay rent and bills. We just didn't expect our utilities to go up the way they did (up due to extra people using them and because its summer) otherwise we'd be making money off this venture instead of Losing money by them living here. Obviously, I know what this couple makes in BAH (about $1200 as a couple). They could afford to pay us more but clearly that's not an option. I get so bitter because DH and I are struggling, living paycheck to paycheck and we can't even manage to pay off extra debt or build our savings back up but they're going out on date nights and what not. The female in the couple freaks out if you even take a sip of her kool aid but I'm eating freaking ramen every night. It's just totally frustrating. I'm depressed. DH just brushes off my feelings on it. They don't help clean, they frequently leave their dirty dishes in the sink, they leave wet clothes in the washer so now it smells like mildew, they leave lights on ALL THE TIME, take hour long showers at 5 am when they know everyone is trying to get ready for work and needs in the bathroom, don't put stuff away, basically all of the little things that make you want to scream. DH won't say anything to them nor will he let me say anything to them. It blows and it's putting a strain on DH and I's relationship and he just doesn't seem to care. It's seriously the 3rd and we don't even have enough money til next pay day to go out to dinner. Next pay period should be a bit better cause I have a job now and our car insurance is going down, etc. but I'm still just so frustrated because I feel like DH just lets our roommates infringe on our comfort.

One more example...

We're getting rid of cable and Internet because our Internet company is terrible and frankly we can't afford it. The girl roommate says "but then I have to do school at work you're going to get different Internet right?" The guy keeps trying to talk us in to other providers telling us how much they cost. DH is too prideful to say we're getting rid of it because we can't afford it and won't tell them if they want Internet and cable it's on them. DH and I would probably have a better relationship if we didn't have TV because it would force us to have some alone time and interact with out the distraction. We used to love to go to the park and throw the softball or walk or whatever and we never do now so...yeah it's better for us and...ugh. I guess I just want him to speak up or stop telling me I can't speak up. This whole situation is hurting our relationship. I don't know how to talk to DH about it because I'm wrong and I'm just making everyone else grumpy or whatever. Am I wrong here? Should I just be letting this stuff go? I mean I don't think the money frustration thing is totally out of line because if they were helping clean or paying more attention to using electricity I wouldn't give a crap because then at least they'd be "earning their keep". As it is they're getting one hell of a housing deal and it seems like they don't appreciate it. Sorry that got long I'm just at a loss and my marriage is suffering because of it and I guess I just need someone to tell me I'm being a turd other than my husband because I know he just doesn't want to ruffle feathers so he'd probably say anything to get me to shut up.

[Dory1988]

We do have a lease agreement they signed it didn't require us to provide Internet or anything. I just feel like we need to tell them what they're doing and give them an opportunity to fix it first but he won't let me say anything. That's what is most frustrating.

[iluvmytxrgr]

You definitely need to speak up to them about the situation. If not, it will only get worse.

[ilovelamp]

Ugh that sounds terrible, I definitely feel your pain.

I think you need to talk to your DH and get on the same page. This situation might be putting a strain on your relationship now, but it will only get worse with you keeping these feelings in.

[Dory1988]

We originally averaged out what was half of everything we were paying. Then our electric bill went from $100 per month to $500. I think this house is really poorly insulated on top of the addition of 2 more people living here because we do everything that anyone has suggested to bring the bill down: not running the dryer, washer, A/C, etc. during the day when it's hot. The bill is still the same despite our efforts. In fact, it continues to go up. I'm like baffled. In reality we should have had the rental paperwork say half rent plus half utilities but we made that mistake and I just don't know how to deal with it now. Like I said I probably wouldn't care so much if they helped out more.

[Dory1988]

February. I'll be gone before their lease is even up.

[sushi]

I don't see why they can't split utilities equally. I have roommates, too, and we don't have challenges like that. They don't watch our TV and use cable because they don't to pay for it. That's OK with us. Everything else equal.

[amaristella]

I don't think you're wrong to be feeling bad. I would likely have lost my mind already. Like, if I'm going to get rid of cable then I'm going to get rid of cable. I don't want to have more than a five minute conversation about it with anyone other than DH. Especially since it's not in the lease.

And house rules are definitely important. Even with with adults. At the very least the adults need to figure out how to split AM bathroom time so that everyone can get to work on time easily.

[livinitup]

"The utilities went from $100/month to $500/month since you moved in. So, we have to cut internet or you have to start paying 1/2 the utilities in the house."

What's the point of being vague? You live there, too. You have a voice. Not being "allowed" to be clear with my roommates would be a bigger deal breaker than eating crap food because I couldn't afford better. I would have a big problem with DH if he pulled that crap with me.

And you can have a conversation about House Rules anytime you want. What's with the "permission" to do so? You are an adult and dirty dishes in the sink and hogging the bathroom is just the normal stuff you have to stop being a doormat about.

[prettyinpink]

First off Hugs. Secondly congrats on your job!

Now for the tough stuff. You need to sit down with your H and tell him how your feeling and give him some ideas of how you think you need to address this. You need to all sit down and talk about this. The utilities went up, so tell them. Tell them that you all need to be more aware of leaving lights on, the setting on the AC ect. Show them the bill that spiked that much. I'm telling you from experience that it will help them understand. In college our house had crappy windows and insulation. We had a bill that spiked from like $80 to over $400. We each paid $450 a month rent and our utilities were included. Roommate talked to her parents about the bill( they owned the house)they panicked as anyone would and we had to take a look at what we were doing and what needed to be done to keep the bill down until we could get new windows. The two of us paying rent were told that if the bill stayed that way our rent would go up so that it wasn't a financial burden to pay the bill. No biggy we did what we had to do and the bill went down.

Also I would start a cleaning day. One day a week, maybe Saturday mornings. Assign jobs if you have to. We do this at work. We have 3x5 cards with cleaning duties on them and each person chooses a card, that's our job for the month. Obviously you don't need to worry about anything but common areas so the list will probably be short. Have a " you made the mess, you clean it" rule for the kitchen.

[nsl]

Yeah, not talking about this wouldn't be an option in my marriage. You need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your H and then another one with your roommates, and you need to do it today.

[amaristella]

Something I just thought of. When I had roommates in college we set up a joint bank account. Everyone put money in it to cover rent, utilities and a portion of groceries. Then those expenses were paid directly from that account and it would always become quickly obvious if things weren't adding up! We had three people on it and it worked out really well.

[ggirl]

You and your husband definitely need to be on the same page with this. I would get out the bills and other expenses to show to your roommates. At this point I would probably do it with or without my husband but that's really probably not the best course. Setting up a bathroom schedule and chore chart can also definitely help as well.
Is there a reason that your husband is refusing to talk about this with them??

[pugz]

You need to talk to them and amend the lease or kick them out. This is ridiculous. You husband is being dumb