Sup, pregnants? :) I have a question about telling family.

[coribelle26]

Hello, I am new to your ranks.    I found out last Wednesday that I'm pregnant, and so far only my parents and my best friend know.  They were definitely in the know about us TTC (it took a year) and are my best support system besides H, and I will need them to know what's going on if it turns out that this isn't it for us.  I don't have my first doctor's appointment until August 28th, at which point I will be 9 weeks (based on LMP). 

H and I are of different minds regarding telling his parents.  He feels weird about telling ANYONE until a doctor has said, yup, there's a baby in there, and I don't blame him considering our struggle to get to this point.  (Though he was fully on board with me telling the people I told, considering the circumstances.)  But since kind of a lot of time will have gone by when we actually get that reassurance, I'm starting to feel guilty that this is going on without his parents knowing.  I also feel like his mom and his sister are going to be kind of WTF about finding out when I'm already 9+ weeks.  (His sister had a baby last year, and she told all of us pretty much as soon as she found out, so that's the precedent.)  I feel like bottom line is his family, his choice, but if this is a dick move on our part like I feel it might be, I'd like to give him a little more information before he makes a final decision. 

So what did you guys do?  When did you tell?  Was there a difference between one set of parents over the other?

[sent]

I told my parents at least 3 weeks after my husband told him mom. Neither parental set has no idea when the other found out.

[annabear07]

First, Congrats!

Second, we told early and the ILs first at 5 wks and my parents about 3-4 days after. But that was what we were comfortable with. Do whatever you feel like doing. If anyone gets their feelings hurt about being last, well they'll get over it. However it is a bit strange that they will go 1 month + without knowing after you already told your parents. Is there a particular reason he wants to put off telling his parents? Are they loud mouths?

[AlpineSlide]

We told our parents and my sister at 12 weeks. We went FB public at like 14 weeks. DH told his brother (against my wishes) after we had doctor confirmation around 8 weeks. But he just couldn't help himself.

I felt that I would want to deal with a m/c in private rather than the dreaded "untelling" so I was fine with waiting as long as we did. No one WTF'd over our waiting to tell them either. It was all cool, they understood our reasoning.

In your shoes, I would have to agree - his family, his choice.

[Jalapeñomel]

I had to tell my parents at 6 weeks, because we had to change some vacation plans. Then we slowly told people after our 8 week appointment, and then most everyone else after the 12 week appointment.

[KKD]

Welcome over here!

With our first two, we told our parents right away and our siblings after our first appointment and ultrasound. When I got pregnant last summer, we told our parents and siblings right away and ended up finding out at our first appointment that I had a missed m/c. I was glad to be able to talk about it and get support from my mom and sisters, but my in-laws just didn't get it. So, when we got pregnant again, I only told my mom and one sister at first. We planned to tell my in-laws after our first appointment, but for reasons I now forget, we ended up waiting to tell them until after the NT scan at 11 weeks. I felt a little guilty that we waited so long to tell them when my parents had known from the beginning, but at the time that is what H and I felt comfortable doing.

We have always waited until around 12 weeks to tell extended family and friends.

[soozy87]

Congrats!

I think that every family is different. If he wants to wait a few weeks to tell his family then that is okay. When you guys do end up telling them I wouldn't make a big deal about telling other people already. Maybe tell the people that you have told not to mention it either when they start discussing it.

Bad:
"Oh, isn't it so exciting that coribelle is pregnant?!?"
"Yeah, they told us a few weeks ago! We are so excited!"

Good:
"Oh, isn't it so exciting that coribelle is pregnant?!?"
"Yes, we are so excited for them!!"

[shelbyann]

We haven't told either of our parents/families yet. We're waiting until after the NT scan next week, partially to make sure everything is OK, and partially because it will be fun to (hopefully) have a good US pic to send to them, since they are all long distance and we'll be telling them over the phone. I will be almost 13 weeks when we tell them.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ILs being offended that you didn't tell them right away. I think it's pretty common knowledge that many people wait a few weeks to share the news, so would they really be surprised? I also agree with reminding your parents to be sensitive to the timing difference in conversation with them though.

[BaliHai]

Congrats!

I honestly think it comes down to whatever you're comfortable with. We told our parents and siblings (well, my siblings - we told SIL when I was 6 weeks because she was having her c-section a few days later and we didn't want to pull the attention from the birth of our nephew) at 10 weeks, because it was Mother's Day weekend and we wanted to at least have our first ultrasound so we could show them a picture. I told my BFF at 5 weeks (after she told me! we're due 9 days apart) and my cousin at 6 weeks, because they are the people I would want/need to lean on had anything gone wrong. If you're fine with the arrangement you and your H decided upon, then there's no need to feel bad.

[runblondie26]

Congrats! I think it's a personal choice for everyone depending on your family dynamic. We told everyone early with my first, like 6 weeks or so.

This time I took the test, woke DH up with the news, then text messaged my mom a picture of the test to confirm we weren't hallucinating. Yeah, I have a pretty close relationship with my mom .

We played it a little closer to the chest this time with everyone else since I had some first tri bleeding again and wasn't being followed closely by an RE, just the regular OB. We told DH's parent's around 10 weeks, and the rest of the world around 16. My belly was becoming obvious at that point.

[salemsaberhagen]

I thought I was going to hold out until 12 weeks. LOL! I told my mom a few days after I found out and DH called his mom. My doc checked my numbers and when it was confirmed all good, we told our siblings and a few close friends.

DH told his mom the doc said it was official, she thought that meant she could put it on FB. I was so mad! I was only 4 weeks at that point. Thankfully, my SIL got it down pretty quickly.

[snickers]

We told H's parents a couple of days after we told my parents only because H couldn't get a hold of them that day. I talked it over and decided that if something did happen we would want the support of these people anyways, so we figured it wouldn't hurt to tell them.

[Cricket0619]

We wanted to tell both of our families in person. We told mine at 5 weeks and his at 7. It was so hard for me not to call my parents and sister right after taking the test, but I knew it would be fun to see their reactions in person.

[SKP82]

I told my mom and BFF a few days after I got my BFP. H wanted to wait to tell his parents until after our first appointment (it wasn't real for him until the doc said there was a baby in there).

If that's the way your H wants to handle it, I would let him wait to tell them. It doesn't make you jerks to not share the news ASAP. This is a personal choice and decision that you have to make together.

[ilikedonuts]

We didn't tell my ILs until 12+ weeks both times. My parents found out right away the first time and 6 (and 9) weeks this time.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait like your husband wants to (just like there is nothing wrong with telling early if that's when you feel comfortable). its your husband's family so I'd just go with what he wants.

[coribelle26]

Well, ironically I started spotting pretty majorly right after I posted this. So I'm calling the doctor tomorrow, and either we will have been smart to wait to tell, or there'll be more legit confirmation. Ugh.

[sporklemotion]

We told my MIL after the NT and MaterniT21 results came in--actually, it was a couple of weeks after because I had a business trip and we wanted to tell her in person.  .  We didn't tell the rest of our families until after the A/S (my parents are gone so this was siblings and extended family).  
In our case, it worked out well.  My MIL was OK with it-- I've had a loss in the past, and she understood that we wanted to keep it quiet until we'd passed a few milestones.  I think if we had told her earlier, she would not have kept it a secret for as long as she wanted us to-- as it is, she was majorly pressing us to spread the word.  And my SIL outed me on FB the day after she found out. 
So I would say, use your best judgment about your family.  I don't think it's unusual to wait until after your first ultrasound, so hopefully, they'll understand.  They'll still have 31 weeks to get excited and celebrate with you!

Edit: just saw your update. Fingers crossed it's nothing and that all is still well!

[timorousbeastie]

I'm 13.5 weeks, and we still haven't told anyone yet. H isn't ready to tell, and I'm fine with waiting until he's comfortable. I made him promise we'd tell before 9 months go by and the conversation becomes "guess what we brought home from the hospital today!" Both sets of parents live OOT, so we don't have to worry about them guessing about my expanding belly.

My parents' anniversary is in 2 weeks, so I'm thinking I'll probably tell them then. I know my parents can keep a secret (they did when other siblings were expecting), so hopefully they won't tell ILs if H still isn't ready to tell them at that point.

Most people I know IRL don't tell anyone (including family) at least until the first appt., if not 2nd tri, so they shouldn't be upset if you choose to wait that long (and if they are, well, that's their problem, not yours!)

ETA: just saw your update; good luck - hopefully it's nothing to worry about!

[hymen]

With my miscarriage, we told family (parents and siblings) at 8 weeks.

With DS we told them after we had an ultrasound, so at 12 and 13 weeks (his family first, then mine, just so we could tell them in person).

With this pregnancy, both sets of our parents and my sister know, but we are waiting to tell his siblings until after my ultrasound on Friday. We will probably tell extended family and close friends soon afterwards. I go back to work (teaching) in 2 weeks and plan on telling my principal and my team then as well.

I'll probably keep it off Facebook for a while. We didn't announce on Facebook with DS until after 20 weeks and we knew the gender.

[coribelle26]

Mini update, I went to the doctor today and she did a pelvic and found no bleeding, despite the fact that I'm still getting brown spotting. She also said my cervix is closed, so there's that. No ultrasound until the 28th and my positive on their pee test was super faint so they ordered a blood test. Fingers crossed that everything is where it needs to be, but I'm really starting to fall more in the "less people that know, the better" camp.

And here's one of my own weirdnesses, even when we do have a pretty good sense that this is a viable pregnancy, I don't see myself ever making a facebook announcement. Most of my posts are random silly things and photos, so I feel like people will probably put two and two together when there are like baby shower photos or some other picture of me looking pregnant.