House or Baby?

[thiswillbe]

Ugh. I'm not sure how much S has mentioned on the other board (I've been off both boards for a while because I've been so busy), but we're hoping to move soon. We desperately need the space. I always say that many people have done more with less, but at the same time, our current living situation is driving us both crazy (and has had a negative impact on our relationship, IMO, even though things on that front have been great lately).

So we've pretty much decided to take the leap and buy a house.

But given our many conversations about it and a thorough review of our finances, getting a bigger house means we will have to postpone indefinitely (possibly forever) having another child. We both want another child, and had planned to start trying later this year (I just turned 35 and the twins are 2+, so the clock is ticking).

I feel like it's a totally crappy catch-22: we don't have enough space to add to our family in our current house, but if we get a house that has enough space, we won't have enough money to add to our family. Ugh.

Out of curiosity, then, what would you choose? House or baby? Is a bird in the hand (house) worth two in the bush (the possibility of another child)?

[ct]

I don't recall if you rent or own now, but have you given any thought to renting vs. buying the larger home and if that would make any difference in the equation?

[2brides]

House. IMHO if you are miserable in the house with 4 people, you won't want to add another to it. But perhaps moving into a bigger house (or perhaps a house that is laid out differently) will allow you to have that 3rd child in a couple of years. But renting might be a good option.

[thiswillbe]

CT-- we (well, I) own right now. It's a house I bought when I was in grad school. It's served me well for 12 years, but it's t.i.n.y. We looked at renting some before we headed into this (intense) house hunt, but at the time there wasn't anything that would work on the market. Also, moving is such a huge pain, we don't really want to have to do it again (if we can avoid it).

[thiswillbe]

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not-so-secretly hoping we can move into a new house and I find a way to improve our finances enough to make child #3 a possibility.

If the housing market picks up enough to sell our current house at a decent profit, that could do it (right now we're planning to rent out our current house until the market improves). Or if the school system we're moving in to proves to be a viable option and we don't have to budget for private school any more, that could do it as well.

I guess I have been REALLY hoping I* can make it work, because I'm feeling kinda sick to my stomach thinking about kid #3 being off the table as a possibility...


*ETA: I only say "I" because I am the one juggling our household finances, not because I am the only one who wants another kid.

[twotrue]

House. If your current space is in way functional for 3 kids than the house has to be first. Time is ticking but you likely have more time than you think. I can only imagine how difficult the choice will be but I think planning for the family you have right now is the wise thing to do because the future is in no way a guarentee.

sent from phone

[kershnic]

Jun 18, 2012 16:13:53 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not-so-secretly hoping we can move into a new house and I find a way to improve our finances enough to make child #3 a possibility.

I think your hopes are realistic, as it sounds like there are several possible ways this could happen. If you're already unhappy with two kids in your current home it's only going to get worse with three. I'd recommend taking the time to build the life where the baby will fit in (home, finances, etc.) and then pursue the baby. Time is going, but plenty of people have babies when they're older than you are and I've known lots of people (including myself) who are close to siblings who are far apart in age.

That said, my wife and I have voted hands down to pursue baby #1 before a house.... but I feel like it's a different decision once you have kids. If delaying trying for #3 is going to put a bigger strain on your relationship/family than overcrowding I might reverse my advice.

[kimnsandy]

House. (renting or owning)

Your twins are only going to get bigger and need more space and frankly, you will find yourselves wanting more space to have time to yourselves too!

GL!

[thiswillbe]

Thanks for all the input, everyone. Great points.

I especially appreciated reading everyone's advice as we were moving forward with making an offer on a house, and seeing the responses makes me feel OK about the fact that we are currently UNDER CONTRACT on a new-to-us house! Lots of hurdles left to clear, of course.

[ct]

exciting!!! GOOD LUCK!!