Ugh...I'm so passive. Help

[vthokie]

I'm just not sure what to do right now, but I'm pretty pissed. Ansley got bitten at day care again today. That's 3 times in 3 days. I'm pretty sure, by the same kid. The response today was "She wasn't the only one" and it looked like they had a STACK of papers for parents to sign about their child being bitten.
I know it's the age, and I get that, but I'm not ok that my kid has been bitten this frequently, especially because it hasn't been provoked. I was told that there's a friend who's "been on a biting rampage" I was too irritated with other things to say anything today, but I may have to tomorrow. I just don't even know what to say.

Apparently, when the child bites, they go in the "sad chair" but that's all they're allowed to say. I also know that there is something about frequent biting in the parent's handbook, but I can't find mine to see what the policy is.

It's not like I'm trying to kick the kid out of day care, but I want to know that MY child is safe when she's there. She's already having a tough time transitioning right now, and I'm worried that if she's attacked everyday, we'll never get back to her enjoying being there.

Any insight from you ladies? Especially those of you who have worked in daycare?
@sprinkles

[sunshineluv]

I would set up a meeting with the director and have her explain to you exactly what the plan is. This can't be the first time and won't be the last that they have dealt with this.

The sad chair isn't fixing the problem, they need a better plan of action, I would talk to them until you felt better about it.

I have heard of kids getting kicked out for biting, sucks for the kid and the parent, but you also can't have all the kids going home with bite marks on a daly basis.

[sunshineluv]

Also, I am sorry, this sucks. Your little girl getting bitten :-(

Henry bit me tonight, he has only bitten when teething so far. I said no sternly and he cried and cried. Hopefully that nipped it in the bud. I don't want him to be the biter at daycare.

[SteelCity44]

I'm sorry. I'd be pissed. Are there any other alternate places you can switch to? If so, I would want to know their plan of action and tell them you're leaving if they don't have one. That's ridiculous.

[imimahoney]

Ari was bit 7 times last school year. It sucked. I don't know what they did to get the other boy to stop but one day, he just stopped biting Ari.

But, Ari also bites me daily and has been doing so for the past month or so. I can't get him to stop biting and only hope that he stops when he gets back to daycare. I asked his pedi yesterday and said that it is 100% natural and developmentally appropriate for a toddler at this age. Still really sucks though.

[Deleted]

Ugh. I have the toughest time expressing myself in these situations. I would make a brief list of what I want to say to the director. 1.You get that kids bite. 2. You aren't comfortable with your child being bitten this frequently 3. You want communication about how the issue is being dealt with.

[vthokie]

Aug 7, 2013 19:51:42 GMT -5 SteelCity44 said:

I'm sorry. I'd be pissed. Are there any other alternate places you can switch to? If so, I would want to know their plan of action and tell them you're leaving if they don't have one. That's ridiculous.

I'd probably have to wait list another location. I really like this place in general. Best price in the area, great location, and the only cloth diaper friendly place around. I'll have to talk to the director and see what the deal is.

[ruby412]

Aug 7, 2013 19:54:52 GMT -5 @thadsrad said:

Ugh. I have the toughest time expressing myself in these situations. I would make a brief list of what I want to say to the director. 1.You get that kids bite. 2. You aren't comfortable with your child being bitten this frequently 3. You want communication about how the issue is being dealt with.

I love this advice! You could start with an email to her to get the conversation rolling and then followup in person after pickup tomorrow.

Remember to express your concerns factually, not emotionally. It is fact that she has been bitten 3 times in 2 days, and that is excessive. If this pattern continues, what will be the next steps?

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I would ask for a meeting with the director and tell her exactly what you just wrote, that you don't want this child kicked out but you need to know your daughter is safe while she is there. I world also ask what is being done to correct it since the normal consequences aren't working.

I worked at a daycare for 3 years and we had a policy where if a child bit so many times then they were kicked out.
I really hope this gets solved quickly for you and A.

Sent from my AT300 using proboards

[Deleted]

My manager's son has to be sent home from daycare if he bites. He was doing it often enough he was suspended for a few days. I'm sorry this is happening and hopefully something gets done.

[jenbelle]

J bit someone a couple months ago, and we had to sign the incident report. Luckily, he didn't do it again, because they have a strict policy and he would have been kicked out sooner than later. My niece was a biter and was close to being kicked out as well.
I would be VERY upset with how things are going, especially since she is getting nailed pretty badly. I really like pp idea of the email and list. Very well thought out. Good luck!!!

[Deleted]

I worked in a toddler and 2 year old room for too many years. In our toddler room we had 20 kids with 4 teachers when I left so we had groups. We had 4 primary kids to do the lessons with change diapers record daily notes etc. this really helped when we has children with behavior problems. It was easier to see if there is a trend of when the child bites.

We all know some children bite. It's their form of communication we would give the biter a teething ring clipped to his shirt or a pacifier. Shadow him as much as possible etc.


I like the email idea to the director the teachers can't say who is the biter but should have a better way of explaining their plan of action for him.

[jaime183]

If you have her email, it might be a good way to get the conversation started if you feel too passive to confront them. Then at the end of the email ask for a meeting to learn more about the plan

[jsillyfun]

I think the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so if you made a stink about it, maybe they will make an effort to keep this kid away from yours? I hate confrontation too, but in this case I would say something.

[thedahliharpa]

I'm sorry she has been bit. I've found that these type of mom things have made me more assertive over the years. Once you get it over with you will be relieved and hopefully the biter will be more closely monitored.

[devotchka]

Maybe I'm naive but it seems weird that they aren't doing anything else about it. Obviously the sad chair is not working (I don't think it would have an effect on mine, tbh, but I think it's the age.) I would definitely make a (calm and collected) stink about it, but confrontation is hard for me too (I get a little emotional and don't communicate as well as I'd like to) so doing it over email would probably be my way - and ask for a meeting at the end. I understand that this can be normal behavior for toddlers, but wanting your child to be safe, taken care of and not anxious when they go to daycare is pretty basic.

This makes me really nervous about sending Max to "preschool" in the Fall. Oh boy...