Post by doctorchick on Aug 12, 2013 7:06:23 GMT -5
So so glad to know you made it out safely! You were strong enough to get through this first hurdle. You can totally handle whatever nastiness he tries next!
Oh, yes. The "i love you and I would do anything for you" is always followed by a "you frigid bitch" and a whole bunch of accusations.
Let him go through the cycle on his own this time.
(((starries)))
Yep, so much this. But you really have so many upper hands because you KNOW it will happen and you already have a plan to stay safe and healthy and move on properly.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 12, 2013 12:14:10 GMT -5
You guys, he just called me at work. This sucks! He wants to meet tonight to talk. I told him I'm not ready to talk yet.
He kept on pressing me for information, and I just kept on repeating, "I can't talk about this right now, I'm not doing this at work."
I know this is classic, manipulative behavior, he sounds so sad... It's so hard. I'm not waffling, it's just hard to hear him sounding so sad. He knows that it's going to get to me, I'm sure... That's probably why he did it. But it's still so damn hard...
You guys, he just called me at work. This sucks! He wants to meet tonight to talk. I told him I'm not ready to talk yet.
He kept on pressing me for information, and I just kept on repeating, "I can't talk about this right now, I'm not doing this at work."
I know this is classic, manipulative behavior, he sounds so sad... It's so hard. I'm not waffling, it's just hard to hear him sounding so sad. He knows that it's going to get to me, I'm sure... That's probably why he did it. But it's still so damn hard...
You are in charge here. You talk to him when you are ready and not a moment before. You have the upper hand and he knows it. He is going to do whatever he can to reverse that situation. Stay strong. And, yeah, I would not take his calls at work. I'm not sure I would take his calls at all right now, but that is totally and completely up to you.
If you don't want to talk to him at all, tell him that all correspondence should be in writing and directed to your lawyer.
You guys, he just called me at work. This sucks! He wants to meet tonight to talk. I told him I'm not ready to talk yet.
He kept on pressing me for information, and I just kept on repeating, "I can't talk about this right now, I'm not doing this at work."
I know this is classic, manipulative behavior, he sounds so sad... It's so hard. I'm not waffling, it's just hard to hear him sounding so sad. He knows that it's going to get to me, I'm sure... That's probably why he did it. But it's still so damn hard...
Classic manipulation technique. He's been manipulating you long enough to know what works and what doesn't. I think you're handling his calls really well. Just repeat "I can't talk to you right now" until he finally listens. Hang up if you need to.
You guys, he just called me at work. This sucks! He wants to meet tonight to talk. I told him I'm not ready to talk yet.
He kept on pressing me for information, and I just kept on repeating, "I can't talk about this right now, I'm not doing this at work."
I know this is classic, manipulative behavior, he sounds so sad... It's so hard. I'm not waffling, it's just hard to hear him sounding so sad. He knows that it's going to get to me, I'm sure... That's probably why he did it. But it's still so damn hard...
Exactly ad others have said, classic manipulation. Feel free to screen his calls (if you can see who's calling on your work phone) and to tell him you can't talk at work and then hang up if he pushes at all.
Repeat the same couple of phrases over and over. It's easier on you, and it doesn't allow him to weasel his way into manipulating you and twisting your words, etc. You're doing really well
Repeat after me. "I can't take personal calls at work. Don't call here again," followed by an immediate hang up. You don't need to give him a chance to respond because his response changes nothing. You are too busy to talk to him. (but not too busy to talk to us. )
Repeat after me. "I can't take personal calls at work. Don't call here again," followed by an immediate hang up. You don't need to give him a chance to respond because his response changes nothing. You are too busy to talk to him. (but not too busy to talk to us. )
You guys, he just called me at work. This sucks! He wants to meet tonight to talk. I told him I'm not ready to talk yet.
He kept on pressing me for information, and I just kept on repeating, "I can't talk about this right now, I'm not doing this at work."
I know this is classic, manipulative behavior, he sounds so sad... It's so hard. I'm not waffling, it's just hard to hear him sounding so sad. He knows that it's going to get to me, I'm sure... That's probably why he did it. But it's still so damn hard...
You are in charge here. You talk to him when you are ready and not a moment before. You have the upper hand and he knows it. He is going to do whatever he can to reverse that situation. Stay strong. And, yeah, I would not take his calls at work. I'm not sure I would take his calls at all right now, but that is totally and completely up to you.
If you don't want to talk to him at all, tell him that all correspondence should be in writing and directed to your lawyer.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 12, 2013 13:57:35 GMT -5
LOL, Chirp!
I would not mind some jello with alcohol in it...
On the plus side, I'm 4 minutes away from my lunch break, and I'm actually hungry for the first time in 4 days. So, maybe some food will help my mood and give me some energy.
Have a good lunch and try to relax a bit. Everyone has said what I think. He's trying to get back in your good graces. I know it's hard but screw it that he's sad. It took you leaving to make him sad. Focus on what makes you happy, you deserve it.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 12, 2013 17:33:16 GMT -5
Now he's switched from trying to get in my good graces to getting me back in the house. He wants to get together tonight to talk, and I specifically told him I needed time... He keeps trying to get me to commit to going back. GAH! I shouldn't have bothered putting on makeup today...
Oh, yes, and he's "chapped" that I think I can just take off with HIS son and not tell him where we are.
Now he's itched from trying to get in my good graces to getting me back in the house. He wants to get together tonight to talk, and I specifically told him I needed time... He keeps trying to get me to commit to going back. GAH! I shouldn't have bothered putting on makeup today...
Oh, yes, and he's "chapped" that I think I can just take off with HIS son and not tell him where we are.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You should just tell him no. No.
He did this to himself, if he actually cared, he would have changed a long time ago.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 12, 2013 17:57:47 GMT -5
No, I'm not going back. That's just not happening. Quite frankly, I left once for a couple of days before. He's telling me the exact same things he said then. The only difference now is that I don't believe him. But it still hurts me that he's hurting.
As sad as it is, I'm kind of looking forward to the angry stage. It will make me angry, and I can draw strength from that anger... I can barely function when I'm all weepy... I'm not afraid anymore, I just don't want to feel this intense sorrow anymore... I'd rather just be angry.
I know this is him trying to regain control of the situation by making me feel like I am in the wrong and guilting me into going home. He's done it before, and he thinks he can do it again. I'm ready for round 2, I think... If not, I'll fake it.