When do people start dating?

[hobs209]

Disclaimer: I am not at all looking to date anyone right now. I know that I have some personal things to work on first. I'm just curious Obviously this varies person to person, but I'm just wondering what's common around here. A couple months? A year? A few years? When have some of you all felt "ready?"

[Deleted]

I felt ready when the right person came along. I don't think you can really put a time on it. You'll just know.

[mandimija]

Agreed. My cousin (who left, then filed about the same time I did) began dating within a few months of leaving and got into a relationship about two months after she left. I began casually dating about six months after I left XH (I waited until I could leave the city safely to file). I can count on one hand the number of second dates I went on. I just wasn't ready, but learned a lot about myself through that casual dating process, and I had a lot of fun.

When BF came along several months after that, I figured that he was the right person (at least for now, who the hell knows about the future) and thus, that was the right time. Regardless, my advice is to take things slowly.

[hobs209]

That sounds good. I don't plan to even date casually at this point, although if the opportunity presented itself, who knows? I'm not looking anyway. I guess I'm just afraid of getting involved with someone too soon so that's why I was hoping for some way to gauge things. For example, if everyone responded with 12+ months and I met someone at 4 months, I would probably kind of step back and reflect on if I was really ready... does that make sense? I over-analyze things a lot. I have lots of time to think these days haha.

[doriswe]

I dated a guy, very casually, 3 months after XH moved out (and while we were still married on paper). It was the best rebound relationship EVER! Super fun, super easy and he made me feel like I was fabulous (which I am, obviously). We parted ways after a few months because neither of us were falling in love with the other. I've had a few first dates since then, but nothing really worth pursuing.

In the past, after break-ups, I told myself I was ready to date again quickly and man, that was a mess!! I really feel like I have done the work on myself to be ready-ish if the right person came along now (it's been a year since we filed for divorce).

[letyourselfgo]

I think that a person should start dating when they are comfortable enough with themselves and feel ready to do it.

Not when you're trying to escape from the feelings that result from a breakup.

[explorer2001]

I agree with the when you feel ready part. My exBF and I met less than a month after I felt like I was really ready to be dating again. The divorce was final in Oct after 3 months of processing in the courts and seven months of counselling, emotionally disengaging, etc. before that. ExBF and I had our first date six months later. It was a very good relationship. I'm glad we had that time together. I learned a lot and we are still friends but we got to the point that there were long term compatibility issues and wanting different things at that point in time so I ended the dating part after 10 months.

I have been on a lot of first dates since then and a few second dates since then. I haven't found someone who is worth dating longer term again yet (well maybe but I'm still trying to figure out if he is into me that way or just as a friend). I have enjoyed being single these past 16 months. However I can almost feel the winds changing. I feel like I'm ready again, which likely means I will not be totally single much longer. It's just the way it tends to work for me, when I feel ready things work out. When I'm not ready it doesn't matter how nice the guy might be things don't work.

[margaritagirl]

I dated MUCH too quickly after the separation, and figured it out. Worked on myself more. I finally felt like myself again and got out into the dating world about 10 months post-separation. Believe me, if it's too soon, you'll now.

[bullygirl979]

Ditto to PP--I think it varies for each individual. I also think it depends on how long your last relationship was and how "involved" you were with the person.

With XH I started dating about 3-4 months after our split and that was WAY too soon. With XBF I didn't really date until 1 year after our split but I was ready much, much sooner. I just didn't come across anyone that I really WANTED to date.

When you are really comfortable with yourself and you are really comfortable being single, then you are ready. With XH I jumped into it too quickly because my self esteem took a hit. I wanted to feel desired--totally the wrong reason!

[achase123]

I went on my first date about five months post-divorce. I think I had a "mini relationship" about six months after but I was NOT ready at all.

I think you just need to be honest about how ready you are with yourself. If you find yourself constantly thinking of your ex or making comparisons, it's too soon. Give yourself enough time to heal so you can make the right decision this time around.

[heavenly]

Jun 18, 2012 17:51:26 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I felt ready when the right person came along. I don't think you can really put a time on it. You'll just know.

I think this is a great answer provided that you feel healthy emotionaly/minded and and see that the guy is in the same mindset and not moving too fast.

I am happy not dating and have yet to do so since I separated last year on July 4th and officially divorced last April. (this does not mean I don't miss having a companion) However, after meeting a guy who shows a lot of respect this past weekend... dating might be on the horizon, onlty time will tell at this point.

[missbetty1]

Jun 18, 2012 17:51:26 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I felt ready when the right person came along. I don't think you can really put a time on it. You'll just know.

:Y: :Y:

[hobs209]

Jun 19, 2012 6:28:30 GMT -5 margaritagirl said:

I dated MUCH too quickly after the separation, and figured it out. Worked on myself more. I finally felt like myself again and got out into the dating world about 10 months post-separation. Believe me, if it's too soon, you'll now.

I hope so I also think both my therapist AND this board would speak up if either thought I wasn't.

[bullygirl979]

Jun 19, 2012 20:09:40 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

Jun 19, 2012 6:28:30 GMT -5 margaritagirl said:

I dated MUCH too quickly after the separation, and figured it out. Worked on myself more. I finally felt like myself again and got out into the dating world about 10 months post-separation. Believe me, if it's too soon, you'll now.

I hope so I also think both my therapist AND this board would speak up if either thought I wasn't.

Don't know your therapist but we may call you out

[BookLover]

I started dating shortly after my divorce had been finalized. We had been separated for over a year at that point, but I had also been to counseling and thought I was ready. When things got to series with a guy I pulled back (he was also a clinger and didn't need that). I've been single ever since then. I think I just wanted to shake off the ex and move on.

I'm at a place now that if I wanted to date, it would be fun, or I don't date and I'm ok.