so a ? about the whole friend situation

[DotAndBuzz]

A bizarre continuation from yesterday's drama.

At the shower I'm hosting, we asked each guest to bring a photo of themselves with the bride.  The earliest photo they had of the 2 of them together.  The idea is that then we make a photo book at the shower to give to the bride, showing her family and friendships through the years.  It will be neat, because of course there's her family w/ baby pictures, me w/ a baby picture, and then other friends from elem, HS, college, work, etc.  She's big on pictures, so this is right up her alley.

Friend B (the one who basically dumped friend A in a fit of sanctimonious mommy rage) sent me a scan of a pic of her, the other shower hostess (also a bridesmaid), and friend A.  All 4 of us when we were like, 7 years old, laughing it up, being the best friends that we were through childhood.  She said "here's a pic if you want to use it." 

so....do I?  She isn't attending the shower or wedding.  I haven't spoken to her since this happened, so she doesn't necessarily know that I know.  I don't know if the other hostess/friend knows about this drama, and in any other circumstance it would be a great pic to include.  But given what just went down, I'm not so sure, and don't know if I can include such a bittersweet pic in what will otherwise be a really nice sentimental picture book.  I'm going to bring it up to the other hostess to see what she thinks (she is super diplomatic), but she's at work, and this isn't a quick email chat topic.

[Deleted]

i think i'd include it. since it's 4 of you, not just crazyfriend and bridefriend.

[mandy0810]

This isn't going to be a popular opinion I'm sure but, would you be able to crop out friend B from the pic and keep the 3 of you in it? I'm sure I'll probably get flamed, but I would probably do that in this situation.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

NO

[snickers]

Nope, I would not include it.

[luckyval]

At first I was thinking olive branch like kevin said, but I'm leaning toward her testing the waters for a little more drama.

Don't use the photo

[hopecounts]

Aug 13, 2013 13:58:30 GMT -5 mandy0810 said:

This isn't going to be a popular opinion I'm sure but, would you be able to crop out friend B from the pic and keep the 3 of you in it? I'm sure I'll probably get flamed, but I would probably do that in this situation.

I was thinking the same thing would it be possible to crop or photoshop her out and use the photo?

[ECB]

This is bullshit. She doesn't get to be the pill that she's being, then insert herself when it serves some purpose for her. Which this does - or she wouldn't be doing it. I'd bet you that she absolutely WANTS it to be bittersweet, she WANTS it to upset A, and she WANTS it to somehow make A feel bad for what happened - even though this is all on B. And perhaps she thinks this will get A to come groveling to her and apologize profusely.

No, I wouldn't use it.

[Deleted]

whitewashing history!


okay, maybe that's dramatic. but they WERE friends. and it's not JUST a photo of them. i think it's bittersweet and it's okay that crazyfriend might get jollies out of it. it's still a nice memory.

[Deleted]

Aug 13, 2013 13:54:14 GMT -5 cville said:

i think i'd include it. since it's 4 of you, not just crazyfriend and bridefriend.

Yep

[Muddled]

If it's a good picture and a good memory, I would include it.

[hbear]

It would be one thing if she couldn't attend the shower or wedding, and was sending a picture to be included.

But she's CHOOSING not to attend these events because of what has happened.

I'd say no, it doesn't go in the book.

[game blouses]

I'd only use it if you're hard up for pictures from that time in her life.

[Deleted]

Aug 13, 2013 14:31:30 GMT -5 Muddled said:

If it's a good picture and a good memory, I would include it.

Me too.  Sounds like a good memory and isn't that what the book is supposed to be about?

[coribelle26]

Aug 13, 2013 14:08:12 GMT -5 ECB said:

This is bullshit. She doesn't get to be the pill that she's being, then insert herself when it serves some purpose for her. Which this does - or she wouldn't be doing it. I'd bet you that she absolutely WANTS it to be bittersweet, she WANTS it to upset A, and she WANTS it to somehow make A feel bad for what happened - even though this is all on B. And perhaps she thinks this will get A to come groveling to her and apologize profusely.

No, I wouldn't use it.

I think I'm leaning this way too.  Maybe I'm paranoid but I imagine that her rationale is wanting A to feel badly that her "drunken shenanigans" ruined their wonderful friendship.

[VeryViolet]

I would send it to kevin arnold and see if she can photoshop the bitchy friend out of the picture.

[sergey]

I think I'd include it. Who knows, they may make up before the wedding or at some point after it and even if they don't it's still a picture of what was a great friendship and a good memory.

[Deleted]

I would not include it.

I'd rather not have reminders.

[lime]

Aug 13, 2013 14:49:54 GMT -5 coribelle26 said:

Aug 13, 2013 14:08:12 GMT -5 ECB said:

This is bullshit. She doesn't get to be the pill that she's being, then insert herself when it serves some purpose for her. Which this does - or she wouldn't be doing it. I'd bet you that she absolutely WANTS it to be bittersweet, she WANTS it to upset A, and she WANTS it to somehow make A feel bad for what happened - even though this is all on B. And perhaps she thinks this will get A to come groveling to her and apologize profusely.

No, I wouldn't use it.

I think I'm leaning this way too.  Maybe I'm paranoid but I imagine that her rationale is wanting A to feel badly that her "drunken shenanigans" ruined their wonderful friendship.

This is where I'm at. 

And since B isn't going to the shower, she isn't going to know whether it made it into the book or not. 

[revolution]

I'd be inclined to include it, or give it to A at a different point for her to choose what to do with it.

They were friends. Good friends for a very long time. yes? The friendship all of you had is a big part of each of you it sounds like. And this memory book is to be a look back at her life.

[Deleted]

Don't include.

Something similar went down right after my baby shower (not the same type of situation, but a close friend and I basically crashed and burned). I would NOT have wanted a pic of her in any sort of memory book.

[MixedBerryJam]

Aug 13, 2013 13:57:27 GMT -5 @booby said:

i'd be tempted to let B know that, 'given what went down, it would be really sad and difficult for friend to receive it in the book'.

if only for the purpose of opening up communication and getting her to see how callous and ridic she is being.

the more mature answer: no, i wouldn't include it. i think it WOULD be bittersweet and if i was A, i would be really upset to see that in the book.

I wouldn't include it, but I would take care of it, in case they smooth out their troubles in the future.

[jojoandleo]

I would not include it. I am sure A has pictures of B to remember the good times. This book is about the people at her shower. B will not be at her shower. A can look back at her own pictures of B and remember her any time she wants without putting her in a book that is about people there for her NOW.

[BaliHai]

I would not use it. Seems self-serving of friend B to send it along, and I think it could potentially sour the book a little for friend A.

Also/basically, I agree with ECB and Sue Sue.

[livinitup]

Aug 13, 2013 14:08:12 GMT -5 ECB said:

This is bullshit. She doesn't get to be the pill that she's being, then insert herself when it serves some purpose for her. Which this does - or she wouldn't be doing it. I'd bet you that she absolutely WANTS it to be bittersweet, she WANTS it to upset A, and she WANTS it to somehow make A feel bad for what happened - even though this is all on B. And perhaps she thinks this will get A to come groveling to her and apologize profusely.

No, I wouldn't use it.

I wish I could LIKE this 100x.

Does anybody REALLY think she's presenting this photo as anything other that to be a BIGGER drama-lama asshole than she's already been?

Listen - you don't get to refuse - and let's be honest, she is REFUSING to come this bride's wedding - because you think this bride is a BAD PERSON and a BAD INFLUENCE on your children who adds NOTHING to your lyfe - and then turn around and expect to be included in some nostalgic photo book.

Goodness, you get to draw a line on who gets to insert themselves as an asshole to the bride.

[karmasabiotch]

Leave it out.

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 13, 2013 15:47:44 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I'd send back the picture with a little note explaining that you cannot allow yourself to include this because you ""Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

Of course, I'm a bitch on wheels some days.

Omg please do this :-)

[SKP82]

I would absolutely not include it.

Maybe they will be friends again at some point. MAYBE. But it's likely that it will be upsetting to A, and her shower is NOT a place for anything to upset her.

I had a friend back out of my wedding, ending our friendship. If someone had given me a picture of her at my shower, I would have been like, "WTF are you thinking??" even if it was a picture of a very fond memory.

[speckledfrog]

Nope. Your friend does not want a picture in her book of someone who basically said she sucked so bad she wasn't worth having around anymore. Nope, nope, nope.

[miniroller]

Aug 13, 2013 16:59:51 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Nope. Your friend does not want a picture in her book of someone who basically said she sucked so bad she wasn't worth having around anymore. Nope, nope, nope.

My 1st thought was, NOPE! & then speckled when ahead & spelled my (forthcoming) thoughts out perfectly. Well done & thanks speckledfrog. Grrrrrr- I'm annoyed for you having to make these decisions, sorry.