Last name decisions. Ugh

[Cheesecake]

So difficult.
Dh's last name is the most common last name in this area. Literally about 1 in 20 people has his last name. Mine is a good solid Dutch name as well, but much much less common (only 56 people in the country (17.5 million people) with my last name, only 5 in this area (abput 1 million people)

DH has graciously offered to use mine, which I always wanted, but nowthat it's time to decide (we have an appointment about this at city hall tomorrow, it's how it's done here) I'm wondering if it's the right thing to do.

Ugh. So hard! Stupid Dutch naming laws...

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[Cheesecake]

If you're legally married baby gets dad's name standard unless parents come in prior to birth to ask for mother's last name. If you've got another type of (registered or not) partnership, baby gets mom's name unless you ask for father's name in.advance.
It's not allowed to.hyphenate, combine, change or whatever both your names into.something different. It has to be exactly either parent 's name.

After marriage everybody keeps their own name and passports just say 'spouse of other name'. Legally changing your name to your spouses name is not allowed. Your name is yours until you die.

There are only 3 legal reasons for a.legal name change, the process to do so takes long and costs quite.a bit of monay.
Reason one: the name is humiliating (great last names as shitty or turd or such (in Dutch) are eligible)
Reason 2: you choose, after you've turned 18, to use your other legal parent's last name.
Reason 3: your name is one of the 3 most common last names in the country(DH's name falls in this category)

First name rules are less strict, but it is up to the city hall clerk (with whom you file/register the birth and who creates the birth certificate) to accept or deny a name. If he denies a name you have a right to appeal, but in.general his denial will have solid ground and.stand up in appeal. He can deny youneek spellings, or names that have really bad connotations (like Adolf - unless you show that it's a very important family name the clerk might say that naming your child after Hitler is unacceptable.)
Clerks denying names hardly ever happens anymore, but they still can.

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[blindyswife]

I have nothing to add other than to say that is fascinating. Your name is yours until you die. Its kinda cool and weird at the same time.

Good luck deciding what to do!

[AlpineSlide]

Personally, I'd probably use my DH's last name and it wouldn't bother me that it's common. Good luck on the decision!

The Dutch naming laws are really interesting! I had no idea!

[Cheesecake]

Aug 13, 2013 15:43:45 GMT -5 swizz said:

Having a common last name wouldn't bother me, so I would likely stick with using DH's last name as that seems to be what the socially accepted route would be (as I'd guess most don't fit into the other two criteria for changing baby's last name.)

Since nowadays most Dutch people who have babies aren't married (a lot do get married later on, but it really isn't the American marriage-house -baby thing) a lot of children get the mother's name because parents forget to register the other name on time. So I guess mother or father's last name is about 50-50.

And DH is the one who said that not having the super common name would be better. With me it's mostly about my last name dying out
(15 years ago there were still abput 125 or so people with my last name, now it's only 56 and my male cousin is gay and hates our name, females have all given their children their dad's names so my brother and I are the only ones who could possibly carry the name on and it's not likely that my brother will have children any time soon.

But DH has just as much right to have a namesake as I do...
We might end up flipping a coin in that office tomorrow...

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[trafficgirl]

Given all that additional info, I vote your last name.

[shelbyann]

Wow, that is so interesting. And what a tough decision to have to make.

[magpie]

Very interesting (I have a Dutch friend who told me about name rules, but he never explained it very well like you have!).

I'm not sure which name I'd pick in your situation...it sounds like you are leaning towards your name. My H and I have different last names (I didn't change mine for marriage) and we are going with his (super common) last name for our girl, mostly because it matters a lot to him. I'm sad to see my last name dying out (my dad is an only child and my sister most likely won't have kids), but the next kids will definitely be getting it as a middle name (this one will be getting my mom's maiden name/my middle name as a middle name). Do you do middle names in the Netherlands?

[Cheesecake]

We do middle names, and we're naming after 1 family member on his.side and one.on mine.

I used to always.want mine, and now I'm just iffy about it. Like I almost feel like he gave up his too easy.

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[Cheesecake]

I'll let you all know what we did after we've been to city hall tomorrow!

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[Jalapeñomel]

I'm assuming that hyphenating is out?

Do what the Peruvians do, and give the baby both names!

[snickers]

That would be a hard decision, good luck with it. It's nice that your H is so supportive of it

[VillainV]

Cheesecake, that's absolutely fascinating. I vote go with your name. But it sounds like you and your H already decided this a while ago?

[sonrisa]

Can you do your husband's name as a middle name so he still has a namesake?

[Cheesecake]

Jalapeñomel hyphenating or doing both is not allowed in NL.

sonrisa
Baby is already getting 2 middle names, adding a third might be a little much and would be considered very very strange (if at the time of.birth the clerk would even accept it.

VillainV Actually, no. We never decided, but had talked about it a bit. Never realized that we needed to make our choice definite today. We thought we just had the option today, but that we could decide at registration once he's born.

Thanks everyone. We're leqving for our appointment in about an hour...

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[Cheesecake]

Well we're done.

My last name it is. I had DH decide, in the office, when hesaid mine I asked him ifhewas sure or wanted to just flip a cpin and he responded that there are enough his-names in the world.
We did have a discussion with the clerk on the options. He agreed that it was ridiculous how rigid it is and suggested that we could also come in together to register the birth and choose then. It needs to be registered within 3 days though, so if I couldn't come with, it would actually say father unknown on the birth certificate until I come in to rectify that (which would mean they'd make an addendum, but the original page would still say unknown).
Which led to the fact that if God forbid something would happen to me before I had a chance to come in, DH would have absolutely nothing to prove that he has rights to our child, while filing this now takes care of that completely.

So much stuff to take care of. Next step, the will and who we assign (or rather, NOT assign) to take care of LO if something were to happen to both of us... Even harder than a name, I tell ya.

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[Stingyshark]

Wow, very interesting, and a tough decision.