Help me stay strong

[bookworm]

I had to come see my H today (had to get stuff from the house). Of course now he is being all nice and moping around acting all depressed. I'm trying to replay all the anger he has had toward me but there is still this little voice that says I'm a horrible person for not giving him another chance. He said he will respect my decision but isn't going to give up on our marriage. It's like I wish he would go back to being mean so I wouldn't feel bad. Ugh.

Thanks for all your advice so far!

[doriswe]

How about listen to this LOUD voice: You are NOT a horrible person! You are doing what is right for YOU. Giving him another chance would just allow him more opportunities to direct his anger at you. Get your stuff and get out!

(hugs)

[Bernadine]

Write everything down in a journal, all of the bad things about him, so you can reread it when you're having doubts.

[compassrose]

I'm sorry. I hope you were able to get in and get out. And then do something really nice for yourself today, maybe find a friend to go out to lunch with or get drinks after work. Put on music you love and distract yourself when you can. Obviously you will eventually work through and let go of the guilt, but it's a long process and you don't need to try to do it at work : )

[missbetty1]

{Hugs} You're not a horrible person, I suggest journaling too. You'll be amazed when you go back to read it what you've put up with and it will help you realize your decision to move on was the best thing for you.

[bookworm]

Journaling is a great idea, thanks! I'll go pick one up this afternoon and use it tonight

[Bernadine]

My counselor recommended it, and it's really helped. Good luck!

[explorer2001]

Jun 19, 2012 8:35:54 GMT -5 doriswe said:

How about listen to this LOUD voice: You are NOT a horrible person! You are doing what is right for YOU. Giving him another chance would just allow him more opportunities to direct his anger at you. Get your stuff and get out!

(hugs)

All of this. He's being infantile because you finally said enough is enough and he is facing the natural consequences of his actions.

Stay strong. Hugs.

[Deleted]

In big letters on your phone, refrigerator, anywhere....
MANIPULATION!!! keep reminding yourself that his pity for himself has nothing to do with you! It is because he LOST!

[usedtobebear]

Hi hun,
I'm sorry you're questioning yourself, I've done this many times too. My DH was definitely more of an a-hole in our earlier years of marriage, I mean he's always had his issues but he was definitely verbally abusive early on. I have said many times recently that I almost wish he would have been like that recently as sometimes it's hard to remember how bad it used to be. I rely on my counselor to remind me of things I've talked about and I also have been writing in my journal the past two months, and writing down his text messages. So, when I start doubting myself, I go back and read my journal and it always helps to remind myself that I am making the right decision.

I have contemplated getting a divorce for many years, my only regret is that I kept giving DH more chances. And he did make progress over the years, but it was never enough for me to feel happy with our relationship. I now wish I would have gotten divorced sooner and trying not to feel like I've wasted the past 10 years of my life. I don't know how old you are but I'm 34, and don't want to spend another day in an unfullfiling relationship.

Good luck hun! Stay strong!!

[achase123]

Just remember, he won't change. If you need reminded of this make a list of all the horrible things he's done. That seems to do the trick.