A bratty post about gifts

[disappointedkittens]

Hey!  Sorry if this sounds super bratty but...
The ILs would like to get us a baby gift, and they were hoping to go out and pick out a crib together, but we have already bought one.  Where we live the selection in stores is super crappy so we bought a few of our large items already when we were in a place with more selection.  So anyways, I'm looking for ideas of something else that we could go get together as a baby gift, they want it to be one higher value item, and something fun (so not a car seat). 
Anyways, if you have a great baby item you are glad to have I'd love to hear about it!  For reference we already have a crib, pack'n'play, rock'n'play, and a rocking chair.

[Velar Fricative]

A stroller?

[disappointedkittens]

Aug 14, 2013 9:45:52 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

Stroller. They can be as fun and fancy as you want. If they want to spend big bucks, you will have quite a few possibilities.

Stroller has also been rejected   I think it's because we already know what stroller and car seat we want so they won't really be involved in the picking. 

[disappointedkittens]

Aug 14, 2013 9:46:11 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

How is a crib "fun"?

lol.  It's what they bought for SIL so I think they had their heart set on doing that.  The fun criteria was added when they found out we had a crib.

[trafficgirl]

A dresser or changing table? Or maybe some sort of decor for the baby's room (like a piece of artwork)? I realize that's kind of reaching, but I'm not sure what other big ticket items there are.

[Yankees21]

I can't think of anything else big that's fun, but you don't sound like a brat!

[thejackpot]

Crib bedding, art/fancy growth chart, dreser.

[snickers]

WTF, they are crazy.
Tell them babies in this generation use IPADS or something lol

[trafficgirl]

Aug 14, 2013 10:23:34 GMT -5 snickers said:

WTF, they are crazy.
Tell them babies in this generation use IPADS or something lol

Please do this. They can even pick out the color.

[disappointedkittens]

Aug 14, 2013 9:56:56 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Aug 14, 2013 9:47:53 GMT -5 disappointedkittens said:

Stroller has also been rejected   I think it's because we already know what stroller and car seat we want so they won't really be involved in the picking. 

wait a minute. they want to actually help make a decision in the picking process? lol. this would never work for me. pick out some clothes or a blanket or a freakin bib? suuuuuure. pick out the major gear i've spent the last three months researching? yeah, no. what a weird stipulation.

if you don't care about colors, i would still try and pick out a stroller and maybe let them pick out the print? or just let them pick which pen they'd like to use for the check they're writing you hahhaha. sorry, i have nothing. 

oh wait! what about a glider (if you wanted one)?

This is exactly how I feel about it, which is why I'm worried I'll seem bratty.  i mean giving us a gift is generous and awesome, but I've done research!  They had a similar stipulation on our wedding gift, where we were all supposed to pick out art together.  

I like the idea of art, but again we'd have to pick it together, which means I'd have to find something local in our crap selection here.  That Ipad thing is genius though.  I wanna do that.

[Velar Fricative]

If they won't get you an iPad or something fun *for you*, the only other thing I can think of is a fancy swing. I know you have the RnP but a swing like the Mamaroo costs $200. If you're interested in a swing, have them get a swing for the baby.

[sent]

If my in-laws were being so insistent with gift stipulations and wouldn't listen to any of my suggestions (I can totally see my in-laws doing this), I would go shopping with them and let them buy something and then go back and return it the next day for store credit/gift exchange etc. Yeah, now that would totally be a bratty move on my part.

Othewise I vote iPad. Babies today would definitely call an iPad "fun." I see all the one year olds tap tap tapping away at their moms' iPhones. Give the kid his/her own iPad and let them be happy!

[VillainV]

So they want to get you a gift, but only if it's "fun", they can pick it out on their own, but you have to tell them what it is? Huh???

Seriously, in-laws should know that cash is always great. Surely the kiddo is going to need a college fund. Or a gift card. Or maybe they could just look on your registry if you have one?

Or maybe it's a good time to pick out a really nice Kate Spade diaper bag.

[rupertpenny]

I don't think you sound like a brat. This is annoying as hell. I don't know why people don't understand that you pick out baby stuff for real reasons, not just because its pretty or fun. Anyway, if a stroller is out, I would go with a swing.

My in-laws are like this too. They wanted to buy us a $400-500 crib, we said no thanks we already found one we like at Ikea for $100 and they were all put out about it. And my MIL keeps telling me she will buy me diapers (we are CDing and trying to build up a stash) and just keeps getting me relatively useless stuff instead. Like $100 worth of crib sheets from Pottery Barn, when I don't even like PB and I registered for $8 crib sheets that are perfectly fine. And everyone else keeps calling to ask what I want and it's all I can do to say "look at the damn registry! I made it for a reason!" My H's aunt seriously interrogated him about why we wanted a regular RnP instead of the deluxe one. Everyone is being generous, and I am thankful for that, but I just wish they would respect the decisions I've made because I put significant time and energy into picking out what I want and putting together a registry. No one did this when I got married, everyone just accepted the dishes and pans I wanted without a second though, why do they need to get all up in my business about baby stuff?

Sorry, that turned into a very long rant, haha.

[trafficgirl]

Aug 14, 2013 11:16:23 GMT -5 panicfoot said:

This is why I always pick the most boring thing(s) on someone's registry. Everyone wants to give the fun! big! best! item and when all of that is gone, end up buying what they want and not what the parents need.

What about a baby monitor?

Oh, that's a good idea.  Those things get expensive.

And rupertpenny - I agree, it's annoying when people ask what I want when I've done so much research and what we need is on the registry. I just tell people something along the lines of "even though I know it's not as fun or cute, what we really need are necessities, like bottles, crib sheets, diapers, etc". I'm hoping an answer like that gets the message across.

Also, disappointedkittens - I agree w/ PPs that you aren't being bratty.  Your ILs are. Though I'm sure you already realize that.

[pixiedust]

Nothing to add to the above suggestions, but I just wanted to say I empathize with you, and I don't think it's bratty...luckily, I don't think (hopefully) my MIL will care that much about what she gets specifically, which is a good thing because we told both sets of parents on Sunday at just 4 weeks, and my mom has already "claimed" crib and accessories, layette, and other misc items.

[trafficgirl]

sameoldash - that is another reason I wanted my showers on the earlier side. It kind of forces people to buy things on a timeline I'm more comfortable with, and gives us more time to fill in the holes before the babies are born.

[Cheesecake]

You're not being bratty at all. We all spend countless hours debating, discussing, reading up on and testing out (if we can) the products that we want to use for our LO. Not just for style (even though that's a large part of it too for some) but mostly for safety and useability. Having someone else go and pick out big ticket items is just not useful.

I'm so glad my mom and ILs just gave us money. My mom said she wanted to buy us a stroller, but she didn't know what we wanted and if that fit her budget so she gave us money earmarked 'stroller'.
Then the ILs offered to buy us a stroller as well (again, letting us pick, but earmarking money) and we told them we already received one from my mom, MIL asked us to think of another big ticket item she could buy us. We told her we would really love to have the high quality video monitor with the larger screen and she said sure, pick it out and let me know how much it is. That, to me, is how you give big ticket item gifts without doing it through a registry. Any other way is just annoying.

Had my mom or ILs demanded to be part of the picking process we likely had told them we wanted a savings account for LO and they could pick out whichever bank or account or plan or whatever they wanted to open.

My MIL did want to pick something out all by herself without our input. Guess what, she bought 2 super cute unisex outfits. I couldn't have been happier, and neither could she.

[rex]

They sound like the brats. It would be hard for me to even accept this offer from them.

[rupertpenny]

sameoldash I get you. I was in the freaking hospital on Monday on the brink of induction and my MIL was all "let me know if I can send something for Rupert!" OMG how about you buy the freaking diapers you said you would buy months ago since this kid might actually be BORN soon! I don't need an Edible Arrangement or some crap.

I'm also having late showers, somewhat against my will, which isn't helping. My H's friends are throwing us one on Saturday. They asked if the date was ok and I basically said "not really, I will be 38 weeks, that is pretty late" and they said "Oh too bad, it works for everyone else!" and now I actually might not be able to go because I am on bed rest.

[browneyedgirl9]

Ummmm wow. You don't sound like the brat...they do! This is something for your baby, so you should choose what you want, especially the big items that you will be using for years and maybe multiple children. That's crazy that they rejected the stroller idea because they wanted to be involved in the decision. Just wow :-\

[trafficgirl]

Aug 14, 2013 11:35:08 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Aug 14, 2013 11:30:24 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

sameoldash - that is another reason I wanted my showers on the earlier side. It kind of forces people to buy things on a timeline I'm more comfortable with, and gives us more time to fill in the holes before the babies are born.

i don't know how to encourage this. i have heard people talk about showers, but never even come close to discussing dates. one of H's cousins from NJ said he'd definitely be at our shower (so i guess he's heard it will be a couple's shower? our wedding shower was one, so that would make sense) but nobody has said anything to US about it. i'm planning on none, so that it won't stress me out either way. we don't need one at all, and i will just make sure anything we need immediately after the baby is here is in stock and easily shipped via Prime to our house lol.

Honestly, I think I lucked out with this. Having twins makes it more realistic, because they are likelier to come early, and I was also worried about bed rest, which I made known to several people. So when my family and friends started offering to host showers, I suggested dates that were much earlier than what I think is typically thought of as "normal". Sorry, I know that doesn't really help you.

rupertpenny - I am seriously pissed at your H's friends for you. How can they throw something that the guest of honor has already stated doesn't really work for her? Do these people have kids? Or common sense?

[sporklemotion]

How about a new car to hold the not fun carseat?    I like the iPad idea.

You don't sound bratty at all.  Are there any nursery decorations or accessories (lamps, toy chests, shelves) that you don't need but would be nice? Or maybe something traditional and heirloomy for when your child is a little older, like a dollhouse or train set or little craft table? Then they could add to it for birthdays and in a few years, they can give it to the child and say they've been working on it since birth? Or does it have to be for an infant? My MIL is all jazzed that she saved a rocking horse from when my DH was a kid (in 1975), and while I don't necessarily want it, it's not worth arguing about.  We have the space to store it, though.  My MIL is very into tradition/passing things through generations, though.

Another thought... Are they local to you and do you expect to visit frequently? Maybe a second pack 'n play and some toys you can leave at their house, if they have room? That way, they can give input into it and, as long as it's not a safety hazard, you can go along with it even if it's not the one you want full time.  And it would make your life easier in terms of having less crap to haul around when you visit.

 IDK if these are silly, but it sounds like they want input and most of the big items are either things you have or things that require research.

[sweetminnesnowtan]

Aug 14, 2013 11:26:39 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Aug 14, 2013 11:17:38 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

I don't think you sound like a brat. This is annoying as hell. I don't know why people don't understand that you pick out baby stuff for real reasons, not just because its pretty or fun. Anyway, if a stroller is out, I would go with a swing.

My in-laws are like this too. They wanted to buy us a $400-500 crib, we said no thanks we already found one we like at Ikea for $100 and they were all put out about it. And my MIL keeps telling me she will buy me diapers (we are CDing and trying to build up a stash) and just keeps getting me relatively useless stuff instead. Like $100 worth of crib sheets from Pottery Barn, when I don't even like PB and I registered for $8 crib sheets that are perfectly fine. And everyone else keeps calling to ask what I want and it's all I can do to say "look at the damn registry! I made it for a reason!" My H's aunt seriously interrogated him about why we wanted a regular RnP instead of the deluxe one. Everyone is being generous, and I am thankful for that, but I just wish they would respect the decisions I've made because I put significant time and energy into picking out what I want and putting together a registry. No one did this when I got married, everyone just accepted the dishes and pans I wanted without a second though, why do they need to get all up in my business about baby stuff?

Sorry, that turned into a very long rant, haha.

lol OMG, i get you. my GMIL keeps asking me if i've put enough stuff on the registry because "this is our first great-grandchild! we are so, SO excited for you guys! we want to help out a lot!" i've told everybody countless times i wanted things to be done early because of school starting in less than two weeks (i've been telling them this for months). i told them i wanted to order the CDs and nursery stuff asap. 

GMIL: how's the baby stuff coming along?? we want to help!
me: it's great! i've finally picked out *fill in major purchase here* so all that needs to happen is pick it up/order it/whateverrrrr. 
GMIL: oh well that's nice.

*rinse and repeat for over a month without any further offers, which is FINE, so i get antsy and order alllll the stuff myself*

GMIL: how's the baby stuff coming along?? we want to help!
me: it's great! i ordered the CDs and the nursery furniture (minus the crib). 
GMIL: what? why? we want to help buy those things! you have plenty of time!

*bangs head into wall*

lollll. i don't think people understand we are perfectly happy to purchase every cent of crap for this kid. you snooze, you lose. at least on the big stuff!

eta: and YES, they're not pleased the nursery is predominantly IKEA. "what??? why??? look at all the BEAUTIFUL sets on *fill in expensive website*!!!" 

Lol, this is how it's going with my in-laws. They just recently offered, after the baby shower and after we had our major purchases done, to get something else we needed for baby- we have about 98% of everything bought, so I'm not sure what they want me to tell them.  My parents offered up what they wanted to buy for us before I was 10 weeks pregnant lol. I have an aloof Uncle that is finally now wanting to buy a gift- he usually just gives money but wants to get us a gift instead- and I don't even know what to tell him because him in a baby store, dealing with registries?? Yeah, impossible. The ONLY things I can think of are the video monitor we want, and a bedding set that we don't want to spend the money on lol (if we didn't get it we're getting a cheap set at Walmart).

For the OP- a swing, video monitor are good options! Those get expensive!

[blindyswife]

What about a fancy-pants diaper bag?

Otherwise, yeah, sounds like a pain.

[rupertpenny]

Aug 14, 2013 12:06:27 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

rupertpenny - I am seriously pissed at your H's friends for you. How can they throw something that the guest of honor has already stated doesn't really work for her? Do these people have kids? Or common sense?

No kids, we are the first to have a baby. The hostess just likes party planning so I know that my H's college friends are just using this as an excuse to get together (we are spread out across the state). And that is FINE. It does not have to be all about me, but don't pretend like it is. The hostess actually sent me an email this morning saying she hopes I feel better and that I can make it, but that they are going to go ahead and have the party anyway even if my H and I can't come. Which again, people are travelling and I don't blame them for keeping the plans, just don't pretend like you are doing me a favor. 

[sweetminnesnowtan]

Aug 14, 2013 12:45:05 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Aug 14, 2013 12:06:27 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

rupertpenny - I am seriously pissed at your H's friends for you. How can they throw something that the guest of honor has already stated doesn't really work for her? Do these people have kids? Or common sense?

No kids, we are the first to have a baby. The hostess just likes party planning so I know that my H's college friends are just using this as an excuse to get together (we are spread out across the state). And that is FINE. It does not have to be all about me, but don't pretend like it is. The hostess actually sent me an email this morning saying she hopes I feel better and that I can make it, but that they are going to go ahead and have the party anyway even if my H and I can't come. Which again, people are travelling and I don't blame them for keeping the plans, just don't pretend like you are doing me a favor. 

I don't like these people. Some 'friends' they are.

[daisy24342]

I second the video monitor idea.....or swing/bounce seat if you want one.


Or revisit the stroller idea, that's such a nice gift

[trafficgirl]

Aug 14, 2013 12:45:05 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Aug 14, 2013 12:06:27 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

rupertpenny - I am seriously pissed at your H's friends for you. How can they throw something that the guest of honor has already stated doesn't really work for her? Do these people have kids? Or common sense?

No kids, we are the first to have a baby. The hostess just likes party planning so I know that my H's college friends are just using this as an excuse to get together (we are spread out across the state). And that is FINE. It does not have to be all about me, but don't pretend like it is. The hostess actually sent me an email this morning saying she hopes I feel better and that I can make it, but that they are going to go ahead and have the party anyway even if my H and I can't come. Which again, people are travelling and I don't blame them for keeping the plans, just don't pretend like you are doing me a favor. 

I thought as much - it seemed pretty obvious that they just don't get it.  And you're right, it's fine for them to get together, but call it what it is, not what it's not.

[irish]

Aug 14, 2013 12:45:05 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Aug 14, 2013 12:06:27 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

rupertpenny - I am seriously pissed at your H's friends for you. How can they throw something that the guest of honor has already stated doesn't really work for her? Do these people have kids? Or common sense?

No kids, we are the first to have a baby. The hostess just likes party planning so I know that my H's college friends are just using this as an excuse to get together (we are spread out across the state). And that is FINE. It does not have to be all about me, but don't pretend like it is. The hostess actually sent me an email this morning saying she hopes I feel better and that I can make it, but that they are going to go ahead and have the party anyway even if my H and I can't come. Which again, people are travelling and I don't blame them for keeping the plans, just don't pretend like you are doing me a favor. 

Yeah, if the party was all about you she might at the very least offered to re-locate the party (or part of it) to your place. You may not want this, but at least the guest of honour could have made it to the party...