Small baby comments (vent)

[ladygrey]

I am so frustrated and tired of people making comments about DD's size. She was 6lbs 9 oz at birth and currently at the 10th percentile for weight. However, she is a voracious eater (EBF) and gaining weight like a champ. Her pediatrician says that she is completely healthy and that her weight is nothing to be concerned about.

Yet, people feel the need to constantly point out her size. We get a lot of "Oh, she's itty-bitty!" or "What a tiny little thing!" comments, especially out in public. A woman at the grocery store referred to her as a premie, which really pissed me off (no offense to moms of premies) since she was born at 39w4d, clearly not in premie territory. And yesterday, a woman in my moms group had the nerve to come over and lay her daughter next to DD so that she could compare them and kept exclaiming how much bigger her daughter is. The leader of the group even referenced it, talking about all the babies and then saying "ladygrey's DD is the smallest one in the group!"

I know I'm still on the postpartum emotional roller coaster, but am I being overly sensitive by being offended by these comments? It seems like people love to compliment parents on chubby babies, but if an infant isn't pudgy with rolls it's implied that there must be something wrong with him/her.

[karinothing]

Ah, I am sorry. DS was small too (5lbs 14 oz at 39 weeks). I think when people say "oh, she's itty bitty" they really just mean "she is adorable!" I really don't think people are meaning anything by it.

[ijack]

Aug 14, 2013 13:18:05 GMT -5 ladygrey said:

 but if an infant isn't pudgy with rolls it's implied that there must be something wrong with him/her.

Most people do think this unfortunately. I've dealt with it DD's entire life - she's 5.5 and people still comment on how small she is for her age. It sucks, and I used to take it very personally, but it gets easier with time.
Hugs, people are stupid.

[Deleted]

I get offended too. and my DD is in the 50% for weight. I think it's just something that I'm hyper aware of. In reality, I think people just have no idea how big or little babies are, even those with babies themselves.

Hugs!

[Deleted]

I feel this way all the time. Every time people say how small B is H tells them he has grown 75% of his birth weight in the past ten weeks etc.

[Cheerio]

I was going to say that most people forget how tiny new babies actually are, so that may be a reason for some of the comments. I know that my neighbor's new twins are a good size, but I can't help but say how small they are because they are babies and they make DS look so big. I would try not to take offense to the comments from random people.

This doesn't account for the people with children of similar age, though. If you want to reply, I would just say that neither your nor the doctor is concerned about her weight. Otherwise, just ignore. I bet they mean no harm and don't realize that it bothers you when they make the comments.

[Deleted]

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum and many people would comment about what a big boy I had.  He's in the 75% so not a monster by any means.  But I'd constantly second guess myself about overfeeding him.

Now I know not to take it to heart.  All kids grow at different rates and it's really not an indicator of future size.  

A lot of people talk just to talk/comment/stir up conservation so I learned to just kind of smile and agree.

[jr009j]

I think a lot of people don't really have any idea about how a baby compares to other babies in size. I would be annoyed with the direct comparisons but would be less with the strangers' comments because they probably just have no clue. Translate their comments in your head to "wow she's adorable" and smile.

DD gets called petite all the time which is ridiculous as she's 25 percentile for weight and 95th for height. She is slim for her height but definitely not petite.

[rootbeerfloat]

People often can't think anything else to say. My kids were fat babies, and we heard about it. Now DS is a small kid, and we hear about it.

[frlcb]

I got it all the time with my son - he was 6 lbs 13 oz and 15 days late. He is just a small kid, and at 5 he still is, he is in the 6% for weight and 4% for height. People ask him ALL the time how old he is, and then say things like 'are you 3? almost 4?' and I'm like he is 5.5 and going to be in kindergarten, and then they always go 'oh. wow, he is small'. I hate it.

[AmyRI]

I have a chubby baby with pudgy legs and people make comments like, "she doesn't miss many meals, does she?" constantly, as if being chubby is a bad thing. You just can't win sometimes.

[ladygrey]

Thanks, all. I'm sure people do mean well when they make comments on size and I need to work on translating them in my head to be complimentary. My inner mama bear is definitely coming out; I'm surprised at how protective I am of my daughter!

[hocus2]

I know that this is a sensitive issue but I think most  folks don't mean anything about it. 

Babies are small. I used to get comments about my kids (one of who was always in 95th percentile) when they were babies. Now I get a lot of oh my your kids are big. Shrug. It is just people making conversation.

[Deleted]

My favorite was when I'd get "he's so big" and "he's so small" on the same day. People really have very few things to comment on with babies, but they feel the need to talk anyway.

The only one that has annoyed me lately was the NP at the walk in clinic commenting on DS's size. Yes, he's small. I'm aware that he's small for a 2 year old.

[brooklyn]

I think any comments about a babies size are rude and annoying. My kid is in the 98th percentile for height and weight, and I'm totally sick of the "he's soooo big" "are you over-feeding him?" comments that I've been getting.

[slug*bug]

Aug 14, 2013 13:30:54 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

People often can't think anything else to say.

Yup.

I'm sorry, ladygrey: I think your feelings are totally normal, but I think people just blurt things out for lack of something else to say. (And FWIW, DS was a super chunk for most of his baby and toddler-hood, but even he didn't get really get the rolls until at least 4-5 months old: he was a string bean as a NB, just like they all are.)

[carolinagirl831]

I agree it's annoying but honestly I think you're being too sensitive. In the examples you gave people are just saying it as something to say. In fact alot of times they mean it as a compliment. Oh she's itty bitty means looks how adorable and tiny she is! People love tiny babies. If they said wow look how pudgy and how many rolls she has, you would say Hey quit calling my baby fat!
Just roll with it and realize people will say anything about babies and rarely is it mean

[MadamePresident]

Aug 14, 2013 13:43:31 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

I agree it's annoying but honestly I think you're being too sensitive. In the examples you gave people are just saying it as something to say. In fact alot of times they mean it as a compliment. Oh she's itty bitty means looks how adorable and tiny she is! People love tiny babies. If they said wow look how pudgy and how many rolls she has, you would say Hey quit calling my baby fat!
Just roll with it and realize people will say anything about babies and rarely is it mean

I agree. You are always going to be getting comments about something. Having teeth, no teeth, lots of hair, no hair, red hair, etc. I have 9 friends that all had babies in 2013. We compare often. Its funny to see my October daughter bigger than her August and September friends, but her December friend just passed her up this month. I think its going to be fun to see how they change and grow at different rates.

[minzy]

Objectively, a seven week old baby is probably going to be on the smaller end of the infant (0-1 year) baby spectrum, regardless of where she stacks up against other 7 week olds.  So maybe that's what people mean by saying that she's little.

I do think that lining them up in a group to point out the smallest one is kind of an asshole thing to do, though.

[sjh722]

Aug 14, 2013 13:27:40 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

People are just talking to talk. I got a LOT of "she's huuuuuge!" comments about Lu. Try not to let it bother you too much.

Ditto. I get "SHE'S SO BIG!!!!!" all the time. And "Why isn't she crawling yet? Well, I guess they just all develop at their own pace!" Uh, she is 5 months, not 12. 

[mushmouse]

Aug 14, 2013 13:18:05 GMT -5 ladygrey said:

I am so frustrated and tired of people making comments about DD's size. She was 6lbs 9 oz at birth and currently at the 10th percentile for weight. However, she is a voracious eater (EBF) and gaining weight like a champ. Her pediatrician says that she is completely healthy and that her weight is nothing to be concerned about.

Yet, people feel the need to constantly point out her size. We get a lot of "Oh, she's itty-bitty!" or "What a tiny little thing!" comments, especially out in public. A woman at the grocery store referred to her as a premie, which really pissed me off (no offense to moms of premies) since she was born at 39w4d, clearly not in premie territory. And yesterday, a woman in my moms group had the nerve to come over and lay her daughter next to DD so that she could compare them and kept exclaiming how much bigger her daughter is. The leader of the group even referenced it, talking about all the babies and then saying "ladygrey's DD is the smallest one in the group!"

I know I'm still on the postpartum emotional roller coaster, but am I being overly sensitive by being offended by these comments? It seems like people love to compliment parents on chubby babies, but if an infant isn't pudgy with rolls it's implied that there must be something wrong with him/her.

Yes.  People just look for something to say.  My son was 9lbs when he was born, then "caught down" and was really small on the charts.  I got 'he's huge' I got 'he's tiny' and I often got both on the same day.  If someone says "what's wrong with her?" punch them in the face.  For anything else just smile and nod.

[Susie]

As a non-breeder, I would have NO IDEA that "small" = derogatory and "big" or "chubby" = compliment as pertains to babies.  I would think, aw, tiny little baby, how cute! 

I don't know.  I mean, weight/size is not a defining characteristic of an individual (or their parents' ability/success).  But for an infant who hasn't developed a personality yet, it's one of the few observable traits that you can comment on to show that you are in fact looking at and paying attention to the wee one.  I'm kind of at a loss for what to comment on that's specific enough to show I'm paying attention and still "safe" with babies and moms.

[drloretta]

Unless they are saying, "Oh she's so small, what's wrong with her?" I'd take it with a grain of salt and try not to let it bother you. Lining them up is weird, but it may also validate that kids are so very different, and can be perfectly normal and healthy at the low or high end of the height/weight spectrum

[Deleted]

My DD was one ounce smaller than yours, and now is almost 11 months and is third percentile (I don't think she's . I get comments all the time, like "oh she must be only 6 or 7 months old". I always correct them, and throw in something like "yeah, she's petite, but she eats like crazy."

I kind of just let it roll off my back. Like PP said, people don't really know what else to say, other than comment on their size and how beautiful your baby is.

[chia]

My son is 6wks old - and well over 10lbs.
People in the grocery store still say "OMG, he's so itty-bitty!  Look how tiny he is!"
I think it's just a standard comment for babies that are like under 3m old.

[mollybrown]

I would probably just assume that they meant she's itty-bitty compared to older children, vs. itty-bitty compared to other infants. Honestly, all infants look tiny to me now that it's been a couple of years since I've had one. I just commented to my neighbor how little and cute her infant is, but that was compared to my toddler and preschooler. Her baby is actually huge, but he looks so tiny to me!

My children are both freakishly tall, so everyone comments on it. It does get old, but I know that people don't mean anything by it. I agree that there are limited things to say about children you don't know, so people comment on the obvious. My son was 10th percentile for weight his first few months, so I get that it's different when children are smaller vs. larger than average. Feel free to shut anyone down the moment they try to make you feel as if you should be concerned.

[my4girls]

I think people don't know what to say so they just say things. DD2 and 3 are very petite and get comments. I find the funnier ones from my dad who is like wow dd3 is such a big baby! lol. I'm like well she's actually not but ok....

[6fsn]

People used to tell me how small my 9lb5 oz baby was. 99.9% of the people mean nothing significant by these comments.

[whitemerlot]

People have no filter. Someone told me my son was so big that he would be a football player. He was at the 5%tile for weight. I just said "maybe"!

[mcfelix]

I'm in the same situation - my DS was 12th percentile for weight at his 2 week appt. People are always commenting about how tiny he is - one woman who was a retired NICU nurse asked if he was a preemie. It doesn't bother me at all - I don't mind talking to strangers and I appreciate them acknowledging our cute little man! I don't think anyone is trying to be offensive - just making conversation.