This complaint needs its own thread

[blindyswife]

I fucking hate Facebook.

I don't understand how it is apparently not common knowledge that someone else's news is not YOUR news to share.

Ive mentioned here that we have our RCS schedule tomorrow morning. The only people IRL who know this is our parents/siblings. We've asked them not to mention it to other people, because we still want this baby's arrival to be a surprise. And, up until now, there was still the possibility of spontaneous labor any time this week, which would've obviously made the RCS not happen on schedule. I realize most people don't care about all the surprise and whatever, but we do, and we're private people, and just don't need it to be blasted everywhere that I have scheduled the baby's arrival, y'know?

So what happens today? Someone asks on MIL's fb wall "grand baby arrive yet?" And MIL replies, "c/s tomorrow morning!" UGH. We have mutual friends in common, so our best friends who don't even know that tomorrow is the eviction can now see this. It showed up on my sister's newsfeed, so conceivably could be on theirs too. Again I realize its not that big of a deal that people know tomorrow is the day, but fuck, we asked that they not announce it to people. 

I think it just burns my hide, because shit like this happens all the time. When we called and told our parents that we were expecting #2, they called my grandparents to tell them, totally acceptable. And then my grandma immediately posts on FB "so excited for Blindy to have baby #2 coming in August". Like, wtf, we haven't finished calling people yet! NOT YOUR NEWS TO SHARE.

Similar shit happened when I had Linus. I didn't want people to know we were in labor/at the hospital, until he was actually born, so that we could make our announcement ourselves. Instead, coworkers immediately posted shit on my wall about how excited they were that we were in labor etc etc. (they knew because I was a week overdue and called in that morning, pretty obvious). 

And its like, you can't event be like, I fucking quit FB because it sucks. Because people will/can still do this same crap, but now you aren't aware of it. 

I mean, in some respects I can see that I'm over reacting. Maybe its too much to ask to keep things to yourself, or what to keep things a surprise. And maybe I am trying to micromanage the kind of details that just really can't be managed. Is it my problem or theirs? Should I be the one reevaluating my expectations here? 

Also, I'm irritated, so I didn't proofread. Typos are probably abundant. 

[littlemisschatty]

I am not defending FB or anything, but people are just dumb and inconsiderate. FB is just the platform for us to all know about their level of dumbness and inconsiderateness.

I am sorry this happened to you. I hope no one else
noticed it. Did you ask her to remove the comment?

ETA: and NO you are not being irrational, I would be pissed too.

[simpsongal]

I'm sorry - have you had an intervention with them about this?

It's going to keep happening with first steps and all sorts of things. Warning: blatant generalization: Old people are the worst on FB.

[cincodemayo]

i'm really sorry, that stinks! I would feel the same way and hope people are considerate of us.

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW! We'll be thinking of you!

[catsarecute]

Ugh, I am so sorry! I've thought about deactivating FB until we are ready to "announce" that we are pregnant because I'm worried that the close friends/family we do decide to tell will post stuff, even if we ask them not to.

I've already had conversations with my husband about how I don't want "CATS IS IN LABOR" posts the second my water breaks but he doesn't understand why. I think there is just something special about having that moment for JUST you, your husband and chosen family members. I'm sorry that is ruined for you.

Hang in there and best of luck tomorrow!

[blindyswife]

littlemisschatty I was thisclose to sending her a PM asking her to delete, then decided to let it slide. Then five minutes later I told H, and he was more annoyed than me, so he text her about it. She hasn't replied yet which means she probably hasn't seen the text yet. And honestly, I'd bet five bucks she doesn't know how to delete something anyway.

swizz Exactly! Policing it is a good term. I have no better solution than what we already do, which is asking our families to zip their lips. But there is always someone who doesn't listen. I feel like FB should have a banner on the front page that says, DON'T SHARE OTHER PEOPLE'S NEWS! It seems like such common sense to me, but I guess its not.

[VillainV]

Maybe she's like my MIL and doesn't really understand the difference between posting on someone's wall/newsfeed and a private message? Not that a private message is really any better, but it would be equivalent to telling her friend over the phone.

I would highly recommend you (or yor husband) call her out on this. "Hey Sue, we asked you to keep that private an are hurt that you disregarded our wishes."

[blindyswife]

simpsongal LOL YES. I seriously almost ended my post with "old people shouldn't be allowed on FB" but didn't want to offend. No intervention yet, but if H is annoyed enough he will probably bring it up this wknd while theyre in town. And swizz- yes, the sharing of the detail with some random old lady I don't know is fine-- but now it happens in a public forum where EVERYONE can see EVERYTHING YOU DO. mekiakoo I would guess you are right, that she doesn't even realize her wall is public to everyone. Again with the old people!

[runblondie26]

Ugh, sorry that sucks.

Fortunately, most people are self-absorbed. Hopefully this comment slipped right by a lot of people. You can have the honor of making the big annoucement.

Good luck tomorrow!

[glauren]

Aug 15, 2013 14:06:41 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I'm sorry - have you had an intervention with them about this?

It's going to keep happening with first steps and all sorts of things. Warning: blatant generalization: Old people are the worst on FB.

Fact.

blindyswife I feel you; my MIL is awful on FB too - as is my SIL. MIL made a big (PUBLIC) FB announcement about the pregnancy weeks before I did. I know MIL and SIL will be posting pictures of LO before I do, and probably telling his name (most likely spelling it wrong!); I just don't have the energy to police them anymore. At least my mom stays relatively quiet on FB (although she'll constantly ask "what was that ____ you posted??" about friends' articles and such that I like).

[Cheesecake]

Aug 15, 2013 14:18:47 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Maybe she's like my MIL and doesn't really understand the difference between posting on someone's wall/newsfeed and a private message? Not that a private message is really any better, but it would be equivalent to telling her friend over the phone.

I would highly recommend you (or yor husband) call her out on this. "Hey Sue, we asked you to keep that private an are hurt that you disregarded our wishes."

This.

My mom has posted some pretty damn offensive shit on my brother and some of my cousins' walls and never understands how I know - does everyone constantly call me to complain about her??

If this isn't the case, I would be livid and definitely call her out on it.

People really suck with regards to privacy some times....

[Jalapeñomel]

There is always a risk of people blabbing when you tell them stuff, and in the world of FB nothing is sacred. Your best bet is to not say anything until you are ready for it to be told to everyone.

[salemsaberhagen]

Aww, sorry! My MIL did the FB thing as well. She thought because the doc confirmed it, it was OK to post. I was 4 weeks!!

I agree with the whole not your news to share.

[rex]

I hear you on this. Facebook makes people behave in stupid and inconsiderate ways. Etiquette DOES still exist but some people seem to forget.

My parents announced my pregnancy before me and didn't get why it wasn't okay.

My SIL announced my nieces birth and name (which was a secret) before most of us had even seen my niece or my other SIL got to, you know, announce her own daughter's birth!!! It still bothers me.

I've already made it very clear that no one is to say anything about our daughter until I post something, and I will reiterate this once they know about her arrival.

[Stingyshark]

Thankfully my MIL doesn't really use her FB, but she was dialing her phone to tell people before I could say don't. She couldn't figure out why, at 6 weeks, I didn't want the entire world to know. Despite telling her 1 million times, AND her saying she wouldn't tell... she still did & i got a text a few hours later from a cousin that shouldn't have known. I came unglued... DH handled it.

[KKD]

I would be annoyed too.

When my sister had her first baby last fall, her college friend was the first to announce it. Granted, my sister was so wrapped up in her new baby that she didn't really care, but my other sister and I were annoyed for her. I didn't post a thing about the baby on her FB until she finally put up her first picture...days later.

I'm sorry your news was outed, blindys. I hope you get the first shot at posting the big reveal!

[winecheery]

blindyswife I'm really sorry. I would be upset too. I'm not on fbook, I hate what it does to people's etiquette. (Among other things I hate about it) It has strayed so, so far from what it was initially intended to be, and it's become an excuse for bad behavior. "Oh what'd you expect, it's Facebook" Ummm I expect people to respect my wishes when I've made them clear...

We have a private family blog/website we're setting up to share our photos of babywine, because she sure as hell isn't going up on fbook for all to see. It's password protected and invite only.

I know this all seems bizarre considering I love these chat boards and we're all strangers technically, and I tell you peeps everything. And also since I have a website for work with my headshots and portfolio blasted all over it. But my professional name and legal name are not the same, and because these boards are anonymous, I feel a bit of privacy remains.

Bottom line: You shouldn't feel like you can't trust those closest to you with private information, but now you know you can't. MIL is on a need to know basis IMO, and until you have shared important news with the people you wanted to tell first hand, she doesn't get to know. She finds out last.

GL tomorrow, we'll be thinking of you and can't wait to hear about outside baby #2

[snickers]

That is so annoying
Good luck tomorrow!!!!!

[MrsAxilla]

My MIL announced our pregnancy, too. DH made her delete it. People suck. Good luck tomorrow!

[sent]

I am 17 weeks and have been telling people the news slowly but I always have to remember to follow with the caveat "Don't post it on Facebook!" But I don't have any old people friends on FB

But thanks for reminding me about this because my husband does have aunts and uncles on there who make "God bless" types of comments on there. He was planning to do a mass e-mail announcement this weekend because that's apparently how his friends and family do baby announcements. Whatever. I'll have to tell him to put the "DO NOT POST ON FACEBOOK" caveat in there otherwise I can totally see his relatives writing stuff on my wall and thinking nothing of it.

[redpenmama]

I'm glad my family isn't particularly active on FB.

You're totally entitled to be annoyed. I think perhaps the older, non-tech-savvy generation fails to realize that what they are writing on their page can be seen by others.

Most importantly, good luck tomorrow!

[winecheery]

YES GL BLINDY!!!!