So Exhausted

[achase123]

I'm sorry for complaining so much ladies. I was asleep last night and I woke up because I had a nightmare that XH was standing at the foot of my bed. I was shaking so badly and I had a hard time going back to sleep.

P has been fighting bed time and then waking up at the crack of dawn. I fought with him until 9pm last night before he went down and then he woke up at 5:45am.

All the while my CFP test is one month away. I cannot help but feel SO resentful of XH because I was counting on him to help me with P while I studied these last few weeks. This morning I felt like crying because I feel like he couldn't have picked worse timing to fuck things up. I am so appreciative of the family support I have but I also feel guilty asking my mom to watch P for me all the time. I just want to pass the damn test once and for all.

Sorry for venting, I think the lack of sleep makes everything worse.

[chrissie3416]

Poor thing!!! I can definitely relate in some ways though. Im sure your mom/family is more than willing to help. Its not like this is a permanent situation. Take the help and get yourself some rest so you can study and kick the test's ass!

[turtle1120]

It's very hard to have a douche for an Ex that can't be counted out to help with the LO when you need it. I completely understand the feelings of guilt for asking family to help out, but I'm sure your mom LOVES her time with P!

SD is just a fuck-up in general. No matter how much of an a-hole he may be, I don't think he purposely picked a stressful time to fuck with you. He just doesn't understand that his instability makes things harder on you. He doesn't comprehend that he has a responsibility to take care of P, because you always have and always will make sure that P is taken care of...without him.

Hang in there! You'll get through this and try not to feel guilty about accepting help from your mom. And good luck on your exam!!!!

[compassrose]

Ugh. I hate the stress dreams, and you have more than enough stress to go around. I second those who say to gracefully accept the help from your mom right now, and then go kick that test's ass!

[doriswe]

Said with love, but stop having expectations that SD will step up. He's a douche and has no intention of being a real father to P. If you have no expectations you'll won't be constantly disappointed in his behaviors (or lack there of).

As hard as it is to ask for help, your family will help you get through this!!

(hugs)

[Deleted]

You've got this lady. I'm so sorry it's so stressful right now. But don't feel guilty about taking the help from your mom. I'm sure she loves having P around and I know you express how appreciative you are. These are the things mom's are for. Think about it, if P was in a similar situation, you'd do whatever needed to help right?

[bullygirl979]

Jun 19, 2012 11:17:35 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Said with love, but stop having expectations that SD will step up. He's a douche and has no intention of being a real father to P. If you have no expectations you'll won't be constantly disappointed in his behaviors (or lack there of).

As hard as it is to ask for help, your family will help you get through this!!

(hugs)

ITA. I know it is natural to expect XH to help, but he has demonstrated time and time again that he won't.

It sounds like a lot right now and I get why you are stressed. And yes, I agree that being exhausted probably isn't helping. You know how to take care of yourself so I won't preach to the choir. Hugs!

[explorer2001]

Hugs. I hate to say it but its classic. My exH did everything he could to screw up my CPA exams. (We were still together at that point.) Anyway I know you can do it and I'm sure your family is happy to help.

Hang in there I know you can do it.

[stephbfan]

You know that I always hope for SD to be better for P. I actually really thought this time would be it for him to be sober.

As much as it sucks to ask for help, if your parents are willing, just go ahead and do it. I know you miss spending time with P but you are doing this for him!

[achase123]

Jun 19, 2012 11:23:59 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 19, 2012 11:17:35 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Said with love, but stop having expectations that SD will step up. He's a douche and has no intention of being a real father to P. If you have no expectations you'll won't be constantly disappointed in his behaviors (or lack there of).

As hard as it is to ask for help, your family will help you get through this!!

(hugs)

ITA. I know it is natural to expect XH to help, but he has demonstrated time and time again that he won't.

It sounds like a lot right now and I get why you are stressed. And yes, I agree that being exhausted probably isn't helping. You know how to take care of yourself so I won't preach to the choir. Hugs!

This is so true. I know that I shouldn't be surprised of XH and it was wrong to count on him or think that I could. Anytime I think he might actually back up what he says he definitely proves otherwise!

I will take my mom up on her offer. She said she'd watch P at least one night a week so I can study. I know I can also study at work which is really nice.

[heavenly]

I think it would be good to ask others like your mom instead of your XH for support. Try to be "transparent" when your ex in the moment your XH is mistreating you and let it go through you rather than stick onto you.

I can't help to think you still have some fear inside of you regarding your nightmare. You are not the same person as you were before and definitely one of the strongest ladies I know on this board. XH can't take your power from you.

But as a single mom who also have days where it just hard with nothing going on schedule and lack of sleep, I sympathize. You still have a few weeks, can you ask extra support from your friends besides your mom just to get through this month and have extra time for study? It is definitely worth asking for and you deserve all the help you can get.

[achase123]

Jun 19, 2012 12:01:21 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I think it would be good to ask others like your mom instead of your XH for support. Try to be "transparent" when your ex in the moment your XH is mistreating you and let it go through you rather than stick onto you.

I can't help to think you still have some fear inside of you regarding your nightmare. You are not the same person as you were before and definitely one of the strongest ladies I know on this board. XH can't take your power from you.

But as a single mom who also have days where it just hard with nothing going on schedule and lack of sleep, I sympathize. You still have a few weeks, can you ask extra support from your friends besides your mom just to get through this month and have extra time for study? It is definitely worth asking for and you deserve all the help you can get.

I think there is definitely still fear from everything I went through.

It was really weird, after everything went on and I confronted XH about the DUI on Thursday, I had a strange/frightening thing happen on Friday.

I always lock my doors but my grandparents came to my house to watch P on Friday and then left. They may not have locked the door because we live in such a small town and they probably didn't think about it. Anyways, when I came home I went to go get in the shower with P. I turned on the shower and the shower head was facing directly at me (where the door was opened) and it sprayed me with cold water. When XH and I still were married, he used to take a shower first, then purposely aim the shower head towards the door so I'd get sprayed when I turned it on. He did this more times than I can count.

So when this happened on Friday it really freaked me out and I wondered if he could've gotten into the house. I never, ever touch my shower head and it's pretty difficult to maneuver it towards the door and make it stay that way without some sort of effort.

I think I've been more freaked out about that than I want to admit.

[doriswe]

That would freak me out too....are your locks changed since he moved out?

[achase123]

Jun 19, 2012 12:30:40 GMT -5 doriswe said:

That would freak me out too....are your locks changed since he moved out?

Oh yes, they are.

[stephbfan]

Jun 19, 2012 12:22:23 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Jun 19, 2012 12:01:21 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I think it would be good to ask others like your mom instead of your XH for support. Try to be "transparent" when your ex in the moment your XH is mistreating you and let it go through you rather than stick onto you.

I can't help to think you still have some fear inside of you regarding your nightmare. You are not the same person as you were before and definitely one of the strongest ladies I know on this board. XH can't take your power from you.

But as a single mom who also have days where it just hard with nothing going on schedule and lack of sleep, I sympathize. You still have a few weeks, can you ask extra support from your friends besides your mom just to get through this month and have extra time for study? It is definitely worth asking for and you deserve all the help you can get.

I think there is definitely still fear from everything I went through.

It was really weird, after everything went on and I confronted XH about the DUI on Thursday, I had a strange/frightening thing happen on Friday.

I always lock my doors but my grandparents came to my house to watch P on Friday and then left. They may not have locked the door because we live in such a small town and they probably didn't think about it. Anyways, when I came home I went to go get in the shower with P. I turned on the shower and the shower head was facing directly at me (where the door was opened) and it sprayed me with cold water. When XH and I still were married, he used to take a shower first, then purposely aim the shower head towards the door so I'd get sprayed when I turned it on. He did this more times than I can count.

So when this happened on Friday it really freaked me out and I wondered if he could've gotten into the house. I never, ever touch my shower head and it's pretty difficult to maneuver it towards the door and make it stay that way without some sort of effort.

I think I've been more freaked out about that than I want to admit.

That is scary Achase! Make sure you let everyone know to lock the doors before leaving.

[heavenly]

Jun 19, 2012 12:22:23 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Jun 19, 2012 12:01:21 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I think it would be good to ask others like your mom instead of your XH for support. Try to be "transparent" when your ex in the moment your XH is mistreating you and let it go through you rather than stick onto you.

I can't help to think you still have some fear inside of you regarding your nightmare. You are not the same person as you were before and definitely one of the strongest ladies I know on this board. XH can't take your power from you.

But as a single mom who also have days where it just hard with nothing going on schedule and lack of sleep, I sympathize. You still have a few weeks, can you ask extra support from your friends besides your mom just to get through this month and have extra time for study? It is definitely worth asking for and you deserve all the help you can get.

I think there is definitely still fear from everything I went through.

It was really weird, after everything went on and I confronted XH about the DUI on Thursday, I had a strange/frightening thing happen on Friday.

I always lock my doors but my grandparents came to my house to watch P on Friday and then left. They may not have locked the door because we live in such a small town and they probably didn't think about it. Anyways, when I came home I went to go get in the shower with P. I turned on the shower and the shower head was facing directly at me (where the door was opened) and it sprayed me with cold water. When XH and I still were married, he used to take a shower first, then purposely aim the shower head towards the door so I'd get sprayed when I turned it on. He did this more times than I can count.

So when this happened on Friday it really freaked me out and I wondered if he could've gotten into the house. I never, ever touch my shower head and it's pretty difficult to maneuver it towards the door and make it stay that way without some sort of effort.

I think I've been more freaked out about that than I want to admit.

Gosh! This would scare the heck out of me. I would re-evaluate on how to make your home safer. Maybe some alarm system and extra bolts on the doors? Just remind yourself that you have choices on how to protect yourself, when I say that, it does help make me feel a little better. But this is a real good reason to be extremely concerned. I hope you find some resolutions to alleviate your fears. This is reminding me of a movie that Julia Roberts was in and it was regarding her abusive ex husband looking for her.

[missbetty1]

Oh My I would have freaked the eff out! I'm so sorry you are going through this...

[lookingup]

I'm sorry achase; that's really scary! I definitely don't blame you for being freaked. I hope things get better for you and that you're able to pass your exam.

[trafficgirl]

Achase, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's tough, but you will get through it.

Also, it's making me ragey that your XH used to do that with the shower head. I'm sure that's because it sounds like something my XH would have done and it's so inconsiderate, immature and a complete power struggle that it just makes me want to stab something.

heavenly said:

This is reminding me of a movie that Julia Roberts was in and it was regarding her abusive ex husband looking for her.

Yup - Sleeping With The Enemy. That was exactly my thought. Stay safe lady.

[lookingup]

Jun 19, 2012 14:53:02 GMT -5 inara said:

The shower thing is definitely scary. Be sure to remind everyone how important it is to lock up your house. I had a similar scare a few days ago and I have been having trouble sleeping since. XH used to come into the house when he picked up DDs, but I recently told him he had to wait outside because I caught him snooping through my things. I woke up a few mornings ago and heard talking in my living room. My tv was on and streaming law and order svu on netflix. It isnt a show I have watched recently and the wii doesnt automatically start the next episode, so it had to have been turned on within the last half hour. My front door was locked but not bolted, which is unusual. Nothing else seemed out of place or weird, but it freaked me out. I have had to get up during the night to check the locks multiple times now. It seems silly, but feeling like XH could have been inside my house while I was sleeping really shook me up. I am considering changing the locks.

Feeling safe in your home is really important. I hope you figure out a way to get that feeling back.

This is so scary! After that whole incident with STBXH, it makes me happy that I am now living in a house with an alarm.

[dakotadangerdog]

I know how you feel. Even after having my locks changed I am paranoid about my XH having been in my house. It's been almost 2 years since I kicked him out and still when the house creaks I get nervous that it's him creeping about in my house.

[TEM325]

Sorry to hear it's been a bad week. I wish I could magic wand that asswipe out of your life forever!

[prettyinpearls]

I seriously have chills for you right now. I had already known about the shower head thing when I was reading about the nightmare you had. Gah! Just typing that out gave me chills again.