is anybody here?

[Deleted]

Glad things went smoothly...but something inside me makes me think it went too smoothly...for my comfort!

[starrieskies]

Yes, it went very smoothly. I agree, almost too smoothly. But I believe this is the calm before the storm. I think that I will be doing the picking up from here on out though. stbx just kind of hangs around and it's really awkward... He got there to drop DS off and ended up staying until I put DS in bed (about 2 hours). It was... odd.

He keeps trying to tell me that he's a "changed man". Yanno, cus these things change over night... I told him several times last night that I'd like to believe him, but I can't. I've been lied to for years, and I have nothing but his word to tell me that he's making changes. And right now, his word isn't worth much.

[partiallysunny]

Don't tell me the drop of was at your parents? Am I reading that right?

[neonpink]

Starrie I'm glad you keep telling him that you don't believe he's changed.

I hope you and DS enjoy your new digs, also I'd start telling your friends what's up. I'm afraid your STBX will eventually use them to bad mouth you to them. To play the victim that you left, and he doesn't know why yada yada yada.

[starrieskies]

Yes, he knows we're there. DS spilled it to him on the phone. But my parents were home, so I felt safe.

[tiramisu]

Aug 19, 2013 11:25:59 GMT -5 neonpink said:

Starrie I'm glad you keep telling him that you don't believe he's changed.

I hope you and DS enjoy your new digs, also I'd start telling your friends what's up. I'm afraid your STBX will eventually use them to bad mouth you to them. To play the victim that you left, and he doesn't know why yada yada yada.

All this. Don't let his presence in their lives intimidate you or make you feel badly.

Also, I think future exchanges are best handled in public locations.

[motzie]

Starries, kick his ass out. Don't let him linger like that. Hell, don't let him in the front door. Prisoner exchange, as my family calls it.

[partiallysunny]

Don't do that to yourself. Don't let him hang out for 2 hours.

Do it someplace public and make it a quick one car to the other exchange .

[Muddled]

Don't let him in the house.

[gault]

Yeah...keep him out of your space. Go to the car, get son, go inside. It's best for you and your safety...at the very minimum, peace of mind.

Don't be afraid to utilize your friends. That's what they're there for.

[captainmel]

Oh Starries. Don't let him stay around. Tell him you have plans or you need to run to the store or just tell him he needs to leave.

Remember when you were five and you wanted some ice cream after dinner and your mom kept saying maybe later? He's the five year old that just keeps pestering you to answer his question until you're so annoyed at him that your just say "fine, have some ice cream you annoying kid"

No ice cream for him. A firm no response will do wonders for you.

Also, don't be alone during hand offs. And file your papers ASAP.

[starrieskies]

I love the 5 year old analogy, mel! You're dead on! And he uses DS to stick around... I have told him that I'm not having "the conversation" in front of him, so at one point last night he said he was leaving and then turned to me and said "unless Mommy wants me to stay..." UGH! DS gave me puppy dog eyes and I said he could stay for a little while longer (it turned into a freaking hour).

I need to work on my assertiveness, much of this is avoidable, I just need to put a stop to it. Future drop offs and pick ups will not be at my parents house. Either I will go and pick DS up at stbx's house, or we will meet half way. I'm not going to feel trapped like that again!

[captainmel]

Aug 19, 2013 12:00:27 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

I love the 5 year old analogy, mel! You're dead on! And he uses DS to stick around... I have told him that I'm not having "the conversation" in front of him, so at one point last night he said he was leaving and then turned to me and said "unless Mommy wants me to stay..." UGH! DS gave me puppy dog eyes and I said he could stay for a little while longer (it turned into a freaking hour).

I need to work on my assertiveness, much of this is avoidable, I just need to put a stop to it. Future drop offs and pick ups will not be at my parents house. Either I will go and pick DS up at stbx's house, or we will meet half way. I'm not going to feel trapped like that again!

Oh em gee. He is so manipulative I want to take a cattle prod to his testicles.

[Muddled]

Aug 19, 2013 12:00:27 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

I love the 5 year old analogy, mel! You're dead on! And he uses DS to stick around... I have told him that I'm not having "the conversation" in front of him, so at one point last night he said he was leaving and then turned to me and said "unless Mommy wants me to stay..." UGH! DS gave me puppy dog eyes and I said he could stay for a little while longer (it turned into a freaking hour).

I need to work on my assertiveness, much of this is avoidable, I just need to put a stop to it. Future drop offs and pick ups will not be at my parents house. Either I will go and pick DS up at stbx's house, or we will meet half way. I'm not going to feel trapped like that again!

"Nope! DS and Mommy have lots of catching up to do. Have a good night!"


Yes, it is avoidable. No wishy-washyness. Don't go to his house either. You know exactly what will happen. He will tell you that DS isn't quite ready yet or find some other way to get you into the house and voila. Don't let it happen. A grocery store parking lot or something will work just fine.

When is your next appt with your atty?

[starrieskies]

I have a call into her right now, but haven't talked to her since last week.