FI damned near gave me a heart attack

[pixelpassion]

After his performance tonight, he was going to have dinner with the cast and then later hangout with some of our mutual friends while I was at my mom's. 

I was sporadically contacting him throughout the night, and noticed that he was not returning my calls/texts. Then his mom calls me, asking me where he is and I told her I don't know. Then the friends he was supposed to be hanging out with by now called me twice asking me where he is. Now I am in full-blown fucking panic mode and I start calling his phone every 20-30 minutes, still no answer (which is very unlike him to ignore a call). His friends are looking for him, I'm looking for him. After about 3 hours of freaking out, he calls all nonchalantly. I was anxious and definitely aggravated, but I was also crying like a lunatic because I was so happy to hear that he was okay. Now he's mad at me because he thinks I was overreacting. 

Well fuck me for caring. 

[milosh]

So, where was he?

[tulip]

I'm, so where the fuck was he?!?

[pixelpassion]

Stayed at the cast dinner longer than he expected. I thought he had left since I called the friends he was with there, but there was no answer and their mailboxes were full.

I did overreact, but still. The theater where he was performing is in a shitty area.

[gozf]

Did he have an explanation for not returning your calls or texts?

I totally understand losing track of time, especially when on a post-performance high. I do not understand ignoring multiple calls and texts from a worried significant other.

[milosh]

Weird

[pixelpassion]

He put his phone on silent during the performance, and never changed it back. FI can be absentminded sometimes and has been generally clueless at times.

[Jalapeñomel]

My DH sucks with the damn phone. I hate it.

[sherbanator]

I'm glad you feel better.

[pixelpassion]

Aug 18, 2013 22:21:51 GMT -5 sherbanator said:

I'm glad you feel better.

Thanks! I am feeling much better. 

I think FI sucking at the phone is one of the annoying habits that I will have to keep in mind so that after we get married and it's still sending me into a panic attack, I'll say "well you knew he was like this before you married him you dumbshit" 

[karmasabiotch]

It drives me crazy when my H just ignores his phone. He does it with everyone. He doesn't seem to have the worrying panic gene.

Im glad he's ok. Maybe you can talk to him about getting more in the habit of checking his phone.

[mrsukyankee]

Nope. My husband used to do that and we talked about how it could mean that he was hurt (we live in London) and that realistically, I'm not over-reacting (plus I can't sleep if this is going on). We made an agreement that he would call at the beginning of his night out and then text/call some time near when he was meant to be leaving (so he could say if he was staying later or whatnot). He hasn't always followed through, but he does more often than not. It's just being thoughtful and caring about the other person and needs to be in place. When he hasn't called in the past, he's apologised a ton cause he knows I worry. And that's what it is about - he needs to recognise that you are now someone whose feelings he has to keep in mind too. So come up with a system that works for both of you in the future.

[snickers]

Ugh, that would send me into panic too.

[CheshireGrin]

Yeah, he should have not have given you attitude for that.

I've been on the other end of that, been the one who forgot to turn a phone back on after work, and I felt really bad about it. You were completely justified in being worried, especially with everyone else calling you.

[pixelpassion]

Aug 19, 2013 7:58:32 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Aug 19, 2013 1:45:07 GMT -5 pixelpassion said:

Thanks! I am feeling much better. 

I think FI sucking at the phone is one of the annoying habits that I will have to keep in mind so that after we get married and it's still sending me into a panic attack, I'll say "well you knew he was like this before you married him you dumbshit" 

Yup just accept it now LOL

My H is the worst about his phone. We only have cellphones, but half the time his is dead or he doesn't haven't with him. Drives me totally bonkers!

A couple of years ago I was in a car accident, and the cop had to drive me home because H wasn't answering his cell......OMG I was beyond angry but he still hasn't changed LOL

I'm pretty sure I'd kill FI in his sleep if he did this

[Stingyshark]

DH has gotten better since he got a smart phone; but occasionally he'll go hours w/o answering his phone. It's okay if I know where he's at, but he travels for work and the later into the night it gets, the more I worry. His plans often change at the last minute, and I have no idea what city he's in. It was worse before he got a smart phone - now he can send me a quick text; but prior to his smart phone all he had was a work phone which didn't have texting.

Glad you were able to reach him - I would have been super annoyed.

[pedanticwench]

He's mad that you were worried about him? Tell him to stop being a bitch.

[BaliHai]

I feel you, and, overreaction or not, I'm agreeing with the others that he should not be pissy with you. Three hours is a long time to not even glance at his phone.

It took three years of being together, one of living together, for H to get better about his phone. He used to work late some nights and not call or text, and he listens to the radio so damn loud that even on his way home he wouldn't hear it ringing. One night it was 8:00 (he usually got home around 5:30) and I had called him about 40 times, and he finally called back to find me mid-full-blown anxiety attack. An overreaction on my behalf for sure, but he never forgot to call or text again.

[bab]

Ummmm, this type of behavior would send me into super sleuth mode.




The most curious part of the story is where he gets mad at you for being concerned about his well-being.   RED FLAG

[pixelpassion]

Aug 19, 2013 13:41:24 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

He's mad that you were worried about him? Tell him to stop being a bitch.

It took a lot of self control not to rip his head off. I told him I was glad he was okay, but I was pretty miffed at him being cranky about me being worried. He was ultimately fine and apologized like 20 minutes after our conversation. His bitchiness was mostly from him being defensive and caught off guard with how emotionally intense I was. 

Eh, I anticipate him being stupid with the phone is going to happen again, but I really hope I don't have to deal with him being an ass about it. 

[pixelpassion]

Aug 19, 2013 13:51:42 GMT -5 bab said:

Ummmm, this type of behavior would send me into super sleuth mode.




The most curious part of the story is where he gets mad at you for being concerned about his well-being.   RED FLAG

The more that I think about it, I think him being mad is either one of 2 things (or perhaps both). His mother used to get really panicky like this for really insignificant things when he was younger, and I think my reaction was totally activating that AND I normally don't get like this. We spend a lot of the day apart.The 2nd thing was that he mistook my being SUPER worried and anxious for being ragey. He sometimes gets defensive initially when he knows he done fucked up. Then it turns into guilt. 

[kayl84]

Ok so I typed up something at like 5am during my insomnia, but fell asleep. I thought your FI was a douchewad last night & I still think he's douchewad today. I've remembered some of the past posts about him and I'm not a fan at all of his attitude/treatment of you.

You are an amazingly sweet girl, you remind yourself of me until recently when realized that I've spent most of my 20's dating fixer-uppers, and it seems like you think that once the wedding happens that it'll be all better and that shit will change. He won't. I don't know when your wedding is, but it's just my opinion that you guys need couples counseling. I mean gosh I've had FWB's in the past that treat me better than your FI has lately.

He, in 3 hours being out, didn't look at his phone not once? Eh..

[pixelpassion]

Aug 19, 2013 22:08:45 GMT -5 kayl84 said:

Ok so I typed up something at like 5am during my insomnia, but fell asleep. I thought your FI was a douchewad last night & I still think he's douchewad today. I've remembered some of the past posts about him and I'm not a fan at all of his attitude/treatment of you.

You are an amazingly sweet girl, you remind yourself of me until recently when realized that I've spent most of my 20's dating fixer-uppers, and it seems like you think that once the wedding happens that it'll be all better and that shit will change. He won't. I don't know when your wedding is, but it's just my opinion that you guys need couples counseling. I mean gosh I've had FWB's in the past that treat me better than your FI has lately.

He, in 3 hours being out, didn't look at his phone not once? Eh..

Thanks for the sweet sentiments kayl84. 

I'm a little confused about something though. I actually felt weird posting this whole debacle last night since this is the first time that I complained/aired grievances about FI on this board. I looked through the last 2 months of my posts and I haven't mentioned him much. Do you perhaps have me confused with someone else?

If not, thanks for looking out for me though. FI and I have a pretty solid relationship and have been dating for 7 years. Last night was a little weird, but I can't see it as being one of those things that I'll still be upset about in the immediate future. 

[Captain Serious]

Aug 19, 2013 13:51:42 GMT -5 bab said:

Ummmm, this type of behavior would send me into super sleuth mode.




The most curious part of the story is where he gets mad at you for being concerned about his well-being.   RED FLAG

I'm glad it's not just me. Not only because he came in guns ablazin', but also because the people he was supposedly with called you and said they didn't know where he was.

[tacocat]

I am sorry you are dealing with this! My husband is like this about his phone and it is a source of constant fights in our house. I was stuck in the ER for hours longer than I needed to be because of it one time as well I respond by getting mad and calling more; which is exactly what his father does :/ and then we have a fun, vicious cycle...

Like with anything I have learned we get further if we talk about it when we are calm.

He is somewhat better now, but I still can't count on him to answer.

I guess no real point to this other than to sympathize, and say don't handle it my way

[pixelpassion]

Oh balls, I realized I forgot to update.

When FI and I's mutual friends had called me, FI was still at the cast dinner. He mentioned earlier that day that the head of the opera house took all the food orders and they ordered ahead of time to make the event as fast as possible. What ended up happening was that there was shitty service and they weren't even served their food until 2 hours after they were supposed to. This was confirmed by another person I know, so FI wasn't lying.

To make things more awkward, FI didn't get reception in the restaurant and got all of the calls and texts I sent when we finally met up. I was standing there and his phone went batshit insane with all the messages. It still isn't cool for how he initially reacted, but then again, I wasn't entirely calm either. He apologized, and I'm over it.

[kayl84]

Even the poster above where you quoted me, Jesus if I was in the ER for HOURS later than I should have been because he wasn't answering I'd seriously be inserting my foot in his ass and he'd be on the couch for a good day or 2.

I was serious with my BF from Jan this year-June. My mom was on a cruise and he swore up down he'd be around if I needed him god forbid. Well I had an emergency, where I needed to be taken to the hospital in NYC, due to my doctors being there (long story). Called him from 1a-4am to find out he was on Instagram. I kept calling, texting & the douchelord didn't call me back until 10am. Well once I was admitted and after I had to call a car service to drive me 90 minutes into NYC, puking and screaming in pain the entire way, he became my ex-boyfriend.

Maybe that's why I'm single. I wouldn't put up with one ounce of the crap from someone I'm not even married to yet. If I do/don't have you confused with someone else, it's almost 6am here, I'm not feeling well at all and lacking sleep. I'm all for apologizing later if I'm wrong, but it seems as if others agreed with my last statement. Like I said, I could be wrong, but that's doubtful. I'm pretty fuucking close to perfect.