s/o asshole three year olds...pooping at night

[thebuddhagouda]

We have a bedtime routine with laminated photos of him doing each step that he attaches to a board as they're completed. The steps are

1. Cleaning up toys
2. Brushing Teeth
3. Going to the bathroom
4. Putting on pajamas
5. Reading a book
6. Getting in bed

Every morning if he did all of his steps with no hassle he gets a sticker on a chart and x amount of stickers earns him a reward. It's been working fairly well EXCEPT he has started holding his poop. He has no problem pooping in the toilet during the day, so I know he's not afraid to do it. Still, every night within ten minutes of going to bed he's calling for us to come change his pullup because he's pooped. EVERY NIGHT despite having just peed in the toilet a few minutes earlier. He's totally and completely doing it on purpose. We've tried making him sit on the toilet for a longer period of time before bed. We've taken away his sticker for the next morning. I'm kind of at my wits end because any kind of time out or other punishment would just accomplish what he wants which is to delay going to bed. I try to make as little fuss as possible, change him quickly, and put him straight back in bed but I really really need this to stop.

[Deleted]

Ugh if it wasn't poop I would say have him change himself

I'm sorry. That is really really frustrating.

[beefcheeks]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that sometimes my 3.5 year old does this, so you are not alone! The worst is when it's the middle of the night and he'll cry out for us. "Mom, I gotta go POOP!" At three fucking thirty, really?! Then he'll proceed to sit on the toilet for 20 minutes.

[joenali]

I don't know that taking away a sticker for pooping after he has gone to bed is the right thing to do. I mean I get what you are saying that he does it on purpose, but it's poop and punishment for pooping may be drawing more attention to the problem. even negative attention is attention.

I wanted to add, that he did pee and got his reward, he did what he was supposed to do. He just didn't poo. Aim for approximation at this age.

[thebuddhagouda]

Aug 20, 2013 10:47:52 GMT -5 joenali said:

I don't know that taking away a sticker for pooping after he has gone to bed is the right thing to do. I mean I get what you are saying that he does it on purpose, but it's poop and punishment for pooping may be drawing more attention to the problem. even negative attention is attention.

I wanted to add, that he did pee and got his reward, he did what he was supposed to do. He just didn't poo. Aim for approximation at this age.

I don't know. I mean he's doing it on purpose. If I tell him "You need to poop in the toilet now" and give him 30 minutes to do so and he still poops in the bed five minutes later, it's fucking maddening. I don't want to punish him for pooping, but I don't know what to do because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's intentional.

[looseseal]

Our kid will wet the bed half the time if he wears underwear. We tell him he has to go back to diapers, he keeps the diapers dry for a week. We put him back in underwear, BAM. Wets the bed. I am half tempted to say he's just not ready to be nighttime trained, but he keeps the fricking diaper dry. Is he doing it on purpose? I am tired of washing sheets.

[nomad100]

I have no ideas other than telling him that the Beatles all pooped in the potty before bed. Or that girls won't chase him like a Beatle if they know he poops in the bed.

(and this is why it is probably best that I don't have kids)

[Redpoppy]

We had poop issues where he was just refusing to go and pooping in his underwear after he had a rash. Pedi agreed it was behavioral at that point and to punish. Even punishing didn't work. He'd wake up and say he didn't care and he wasn't pooping in the toilet.

After picking him up at daycare and finding he pooped in his underwear again and DS starting to cry there because he wasn't going to be able to watch cartoons I ended up crying in the car. He saw it and told me to stop and I said I was sad he wouldn't just use the potty. When we got home he told me to calm down and he would go use the toilet and did. Within a couple days he was fully back to using the toilet. No reward was working this time (I was withholding opening cool birthday presents too). Apparently straight guilt did it.

Eta: he turned five when this was going on.

[lemon]

I'm certainly no child whisperer and I, too, have a kid that has poop issues. He poops on the potty just fine at home but will hold it or poop in his pants more often than not at school. I've tried everything, from not talking about it, to making a big deal about it (that made it worse), to gentle reminders, to punishment. We are currently in the punishment phase and it seems to be going a little bit better. If he poops in his pants at school, he doesn't get to ride his bike after school. So far, we've only had to implement it once in the past 2 weeks, so that's pretty good progress for us. He's 3.5 FWIW.

[bananapancakes]

Not a mom yet, but what would happen if you stopped putting him in a Pull Up? If his "safety net" was gone, do you think he would go in the toilet?

[thebuddhagouda]

Aug 20, 2013 11:07:01 GMT -5 bananapancakes said:

Not a mom yet, but what would happen if you stopped putting him in a Pull Up? If his "safety net" was gone, do you think he would go in the toilet?

I don't know. We've considered it, but he's such a heavy sleeper that he's going to pee in the middle of the night. It's a given. I guess we may just have to bite the bullet and stack 45 extra sheets on the bed for easy stripping in the middle of the night.

[joenali]

Aug 20, 2013 11:02:23 GMT -5 nomad100 said:

I have no ideas other than telling him that the Beatles all pooped in the potty before bed. Or that girls won't chase him like a Beatle if they know he poops in the bed.

(and this is why it is probably best that I don't have kids)

This might work!!

[livinitup]

M 3 year old did the exact same thing. She was fully trained for pea and poop and then suddenly waited for her overnight diaper to poop. 10 minutes after bed. I got frustrated and got firm with the no pooping in your overnight diaper, which caused constipation.

Until I said, "(Fuck it) It's your body and your poop. Poop where you want." So, then things got much easier for me. I expected and planned for a poop diaper. Wasted one per night on this crazy hold out. No fuss or muss. No attention other than a little 'shushing, now settle back down' comment, a pat on the back, a tuck of the blanket. Then lots of celebration and signing when she pooped on the potty during the day or before bed.

Completely resolved itself within a few weeks. Maybe not even that long. But it was a calm time for me, once I gave myself permission not to let it bother me.     

[Redpoppy]

The sticker may not be enough. He's not really losing anything yet. We were told by the pedi to not let him return to what he was doing prior but since the pooping was mainly at daycare he said punishing at home was fine (daycare can't punish but was on board with not calling it an accident and having him help clean it up). Obviously you want him back on bed too. We went with no cartoons as the punishment.

[AHappierHour]

What about telling him he will earn 2 stickers for poop? I'm learning that my kids are driven by rewards/ bribery. DD1 loves money DD2 candy

[thebuddhagouda]

Aug 20, 2013 11:22:22 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

What about telling him he will earn 2 stickers for poop? I'm learning that my kids are driven by rewards/ bribery. DD1 loves money DD2 candy

That's a thought. He got a ninja turtle this morning because he earned a full row of stickers, so he might be extra motivated to try for more stickers.

[Deleted]

Aug 20, 2013 11:29:13 GMT -5 thebuddhagouda said:

Aug 20, 2013 11:22:22 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

What about telling him he will earn 2 stickers for poop? I'm learning that my kids are driven by rewards/ bribery. DD1 loves money DD2 candy

That's a thought. He got a ninja turtle this morning because he earned a full row of stickers, so he might be extra motivated to try for more stickers.

Can he get a special " poop " sticker ( and can it be a Sgt Peppers sticker?). In a special Column on his chart if he poops on the potty. If he gets x # of poop stickers he gets an extra reward that week? A special poop reward ?

That way you disassociate pooping from his " main" reward, and use it as an extra incentive.

[chikastuff]

What about putting a plastic potty in their room so if they have to go, they can do it in an appropriate place?

Expecting a 3 year old to poop on your schedule is a little unrealistic IMO. I understand he's doing it on purpose, but he's doing it for control, not out of spite. Put him in control of when he poops by putting a potty in his room. Hopefully that will get rid of the diaper pooping. Most 3 year olds can remove their diapers/pull ups to go to the bathroom. Just have him call you to clean up when he's done.

ETA: I'm a lurker with a 3 YO boy