Reality sinks in...

[explorer2001]

As soon as I was medically cleared after my divorce, I turned into a gym rat big time. I worked out 6+ times a week. I also became a regular at a local book store, started writing poetry again and joined a Scrabble club. I took up crocheting to keep my hands busy and away from food while I was recovering.

The first few weeks sucked rocks for me, but I was recovering from major surgery and exH's physical assault in addition to the emotional trama. I was extra isolated because I wasn't medically cleared to go back to work for a few weeks. After that it got a lot easier.

I know it seems awful now, and I won't lie it isn't fun. But I promise it gets better. I spent a lot of time thinking, questioning and reevaluating things in my life. I spent a lot of time working with my counselor and reading to learn more.

I have since redefined my life and I know I could never have been this happy before.

I get missing companionship. I ended up getting a fish, not a great companion but low maintenance and yet required me to drag my ass out of bed and take care of it. I also reconnected with friends and made new ones. I joined a support group for survivors of domestic violence and eventually started volunteering with that organization, too. The women in that group were and are amazing and an incredible source of compassion, companionship, community and strength. Do you have any supportive girl friends you could call to just come watch movies?

[phoenixrising]

I have been out on my own for a week and a half, and I had already scheduled vacation time because of another event I had going on. I thought that would be perfect because it would give me time to settle in and get unpacked and stuff. Instead, I have felt completely unsettled and am going a little stir-crazy. I definitely hear you on the feeling empty. In fact, my STBXH called me yesterday to talk about some "business" things (insurance, cell phone plan, etc.), and I found myself making a little conversation to keep him on the phone. And I am the one who chose to leave (although he had an affair, which is why I chose to leave). I think this is just part of the process, and there is definitely a mourning period. Even if your marriage was not good, you are giving up what you thought your life would be, as none of us went into our wedding day knowing our marriage would not be good. It's the death of a dream, and it's hard to get over.

[usedtobebear]

Hi hun, I was wondering how you were doing. Glad to hear you moved into your new place. It is hard when reality starts setting in. I am managing by leaning on friends and family and trying to keep busy when I get off work. I am trying really hard to not wallow in self pity, even though it's tempting.

My Dh went to our house yesterday to move out some additional stuff out. I got home after 10pm and he turned off our breaker, so I came home to a dark house, was comletely scared, and thinking wtf has my life turned into. Thank goodness I had a good friend on the phone with me while I walked around in the dark trying to get the lights turned on. My heart was beating so fast and I made her stay on the phone while I checked all the closets and made sure I felt safe. I felt like I was having a panic attack, thank goodness for xanax. But, my point is, my DH has never been physically abusive, but he has been verbally and emotionally abusive and it has taken a toll on me.

Whenever you start to self doubt yourself try and remember the crap you have put up with over the years. We deserve better than that. Every day I am getting stronger, and I am loving my new freedom of doing whatever the fvck I want without him accusing me of something untrue. I think it's normal to have good and bad days, and I think over time the good days will come more often than the bad days.

Keep hanging on girl! You can do it!!

Sorry this got long, lol.

[usedtobebear]

Jun 20, 2012 0:06:41 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

As soon as I was medically cleared after my divorce, I turned into a gym rat big time. I worked out 6+ times a week. I also became a regular at a local book store, started writing poetry again and joined a Scrabble club. I took up crocheting to keep my hands busy and away from food while I was recovering.

The first few weeks sucked rocks for me, but I was recovering from major surgery and exH's physical assault in addition to the emotional trama. I was extra isolated because I wasn't medically cleared to go back to work for a few weeks. After that it got a lot easier.

I know it seems awful now, and I won't lie it isn't fun. But I promise it gets better. I spent a lot of time thinking, questioning and reevaluating things in my life. I spent a lot of time working with my counselor and reading to learn more.

I have since redefined my life and I know I could never have been this happy before.

I get missing companionship. I ended up getting a fish, not a great companion but low maintenance and yet required me to drag my ass out of bed and take care of it. I also reconnected with friends and made new ones. I joined a support group for survivors of domestic violence and eventually started volunteering with that organization, too. The women in that group were and are amazing and an incredible source of compassion, companionship, community and strength. Do you have any supportive girl friends you could call to just come watch movies?

Jeez woman, I have never heard your story, sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope we can meet up this weekend to talk more. It sounds like you have come so far, that is wonderful!

[Deleted]

How about a dog or cat to keep you company?
I actually loved being alone, but i know a few people who went the pet route.
This to will get better!

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2012 10:21:52 GMT -5 mags said:

How about a dog or cat to keep you company?
I actually loved being alone, but i know a few people who went the pet route.
This to will get better!

I did get a kitten...and she is awesome!!

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2012 10:15:57 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Hi hun, I was wondering how you were doing. Glad to hear you moved into your new place. It is hard when reality starts setting in. I am managing by leaning on friends and family and trying to keep busy when I get off work. I am trying really hard to not wallow in self pity, even though it's tempting.

My Dh went to our house yesterday to move out some additional stuff out. I got home after 10pm and he turned off our breaker, so I came home to a dark house, was comletely scared, and thinking wtf has my life turned into. Thank goodness I had a good friend on the phone with me while I walked around in the dark trying to get the lights turned on. My heart was beating so fast and I made her stay on the phone while I checked all the closets and made sure I felt safe. I felt like I was having a panic attack, thank goodness for xanax. But, my point is, my DH has never been physically abusive, but he has been verbally and emotionally abusive and it has taken a toll on me.

Whenever you start to self doubt yourself try and remember the crap you have put up with over the years. We deserve better than that. Every day I am getting stronger, and I am loving my new freedom of doing whatever the fvck I want without him accusing me of something untrue. I think it's normal to have good and bad days, and I think over time the good days will come more often than the bad days.

Keep hanging on girl! You can do it!!

Sorry this got long, lol.

Thanks!! I completely understand the awesomeness of the new freedom without accusations. I'm reconnecting with all my girlfriends that I drifted from because of assface. I'm going to dinner with one friday and I have plans for happy hour after work next week with coworkers and a coworkers 30th birthday at a bar/club next Saturday. I never would have been able to do these things with him. I'm getting there! :drink: