GG Is Going Into a Home

[orriskitten]

Its happening.

Part of me is relieved, part of me isn't. Luckily, it will be a home that is only 3 blocks away from my house, so it'll be really really easy to get to. I could easily be there everyday.

Basically, grandma is going into the hospital again and DH and I talked a whole bunch. I cannot keep doing this and it is unfair to GG to have to keep changing places. She hates seeing her daughter in pain and grandma has 0 patience for GG and is not caring or compassionate towards her. Grandma is going to need a hip replacement and the recovery time can bet anywhere from a week to 3 months, we don't really know. I had a big fight with grandma today. She got mad at me because I am not helpful to her and she has to rely on strangers. Sorry, but I have a child to care for as well as myself, so no, I am not going to take your damn watch to get a new battery when you have a perfectly functioning one. If that means I am not helpful, then la dee da. I told her I am in survival mode- if it is not life or death of me, my unborn child, Mel, GG or her, then I'm not doing it. I am not super woman and I'm doing as much as I can and its not my fault that is not enough.

She basically said she can't fight and I should do whatever I have to. i know it is hard to put GG into a home, but I am wearing myself thin. I am sick half of the day and still have to be up and caring for Mel even during that time. GG isn't hard to care for, but when you don't have space or an area she is used to, it becomes so much more difficult. She is going to lay a lot of guilt on me, but it is kinda her fault. If she had gotten home help 2 months ago like she promised, it might not be this way. But she didn't, so now it has to be done in an emergency situation.

I'm wrung out, but it is for the best. A home is not the end of the world. I just wish I could do better for GG. She doesn't want to be alive and is so tired of living feeling useless and like a burden. I want peace and happiness for her.

And my grandmother to never call me or see me again. Ever.

Thanks for dealing with my venting again. I don't mean to complain so much, but I have no one else to tell except for DH and he is hurting so much for me, but being beyond wonderfully supportive, and I don't want to keep laying it on him.

[katfco]

I'm sorry. I know last time you tried didn't work, but it sounds like a home really is the best place for her. I hope she can make the transition well. Do the staff members seem nice and caring?

[orriskitten]

Aug 25, 2013 16:14:22 GMT -5 katfco said:

I'm sorry. I know last time you tried didn't work, but it sounds like a home really is the best place for her. I hope she can make the transition well. Do the staff members seem nice and caring?

I haven't met with them yet, but a family friend had her mom there and didn't have anything overly negative to say. Since it'll be so easy to get there, I know I can be so much more proactive and create relationships much easier. The biggest fear is having attentive nurses at night if she needs to use the bathroom, but even the family friend said it was fine as long as you were on top of them in a way.

[Regina Philange]

Hugs lady.

[ruby412]

Sounds like this is the best move for your family. I hope the transition goes smoothly.

[careyalis]

Hugs! I think this will be for the best.

[spaghetticat]

Sounds like it's definitely for the best.

[orriskitten]

Aug 25, 2013 19:35:32 GMT -5 jamaicam said:

You are an amazing lady Who qhas dealt with so much. You should never feel guilty - you are finding somewhere new for Gg to live where she will have her own space, and people to look after her. You need to look out for Mel and your new baby first- you can't look after everyone if you are constantly worn down. You will still see her lots and will still be looking out for her. I hope that the home is a nice place and everyone is able to settle in their new normal soon.

That was really the deciding factor for me (in addition to me being too exhausted to handle this for long). She told me today "I feel like a Gypsy. I have no home, I have to go so many different places to live. This is horrible." Its not right to feel that way at 101 years old. She should be comfortable and in her routine and just like you said, we just need to adjust to the new normal and she will have stability.

[AndyCohen]

I know this isn't ideal, but I really think it is for the best for everyone. I think your gg will start to feel comfortable with the home once she's there for a bit and she will still get to see you and Mel when you visit.

[rxbeth]

It does sound like the best thing for everyone involved. Hugs.

[The Foozzler]

Sorry about GG. This sounds like it will be good for her to have a place to call home.

Which home is she going to? My GG and Great Aunt were both in nursing homes in Brooklyn and both were very positive experiences. I have a lot of experience with Menorah Home near Kingsboro.

[claralou]

You're doing the right thing. You're amazing. Sending you big hugs.

[Dorothy Zbornak]

This does sound like the best thing for everyone, even if it's hard.

Do you think you'll be able to cut ties with your grandma after this now?

[bigapple]

I am constantly amazed by how strong you are and how much you care about everyone around. This is the best decision you can make. GG will get the care she needs, she hopefully will no longer feel like a burden or a wanderer, and you will be able to enjoy your visits together without the cloud of stress and exhaustion you're under now.

Best wishes for a smooth transition. And for Grandma to forget your number.