I'm gonna effing kill my ILs

[y4m]

Remember SIL - we're helping her get her financial feet under her, go over loans, make a plan, etc.  So we're on a call tonight to go over finances...

She leads off by saying she's been looking at brand new cars, because her parents are encouraging her to do that.  Conveniently, that would also mean she could give her car (AKA OUR CAR) to her little brother to drive.  How nice for them.  The car she is considering is literally nicer than our car.  Which we share.  She is doing this having never done the math on her SLs.

My head is going to freaking explode.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.  Before I hit send...  Apparently ILs have a grand plan that they can refinance the Plus loans they have for her with their really messed up personal student loans, which they will have for all eternity because they have been in deferment and they will never had enough money to pay them off.

Hitting send before something else happens.

[bunch]

I'm sick for you. <+>**>!€.

[SusanBAnthony]

I am so sorry.

I don't know the whole back story but the car thing reminds me of my SIL. She has major financial problems and MIL offered her an old car for free, so SIL could sell her car that she has a 400$ a month payment. SIL's grand plan was to sell her nice car, and the old car from MIL, and buy a different new car.

Head.explode.

Nothing we say makes any difference.

[Miss Phryne Fisher]

Why does she think she can give your car away?

[y4m]

Aug 25, 2013 20:28:06 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

I am so sorry.

I don't know the whole back story but the car thing reminds me of my SIL. She has major financial problems and MIL offered her an old car for free, so SIL could sell her car that she has a 400$ a month payment. SIL's grand plan was to sell her nice car, and the old car from MIL, and buy a different new car.

Head.explode.

Nothing we say makes any difference.

This is the kind of shit ILs have been pulling for several years.  Our goal is just to keep SIL out of that cycle.  And then pay for IL's retirement needs as reasonably as we possibly can.

ILs approached us in 2010 with pretty dire financial issues.  We helped them get out of a house that was crushing them, put them on a budget, and gave them our car to help them out.  Now 3 years later it is clear they have not followed our plan at all, although at least they are in a cheaper rental, but they spent through the emergency fund we created and who knows what other debt they have created.

SIL has a nursing degree and real prospects (though also a traumatic injury to her thumb which will cause medical issues and time off work going forward).  This is the moment where she either chooses to manage her finances our way or her parents way.  I can't check out.

[lime]

What? What in the everloving fuck makes her think she can give your car away?

[pugz]

uggggh

[ladygirl]

Why does she think she needs a new car? Just because the parents want her to give it up?
It is so hard to stand by and watch people you care about (or know you will one day have to take care of) make bad life choices, but after many years of watching them do it there comes a point when you just become numb to it.
You can't make her make the right choices, so if she doesn't get it, she doesn't get it. Lead by example, which I am sure you are doing, and if she asks for help, then give it to her.
I had to learn this the hard way, and it is still hard to sit back and watch people I love make bad financial decisions, but I have learned not to lose sleep over their problems, especially when I know they aren't.

[y4m]

We pretended the phone died so we could regroup. Plan is to take her through her budget, a real one where she lives on her own and pays rent and taxes, to make it clear this is a bad idea.

[bostonmichelle]

She doesn't need a new car, she wants one. If she wants a new to her car then she should budget for it. Also she should definitely not be planning on giving your car to anyone without your permission. I would put your foot down and not budge from your positions. Good luck!

[y4m]

Did I mention that the graduation money we gave her is totally in an account the ILs can access? We noticed because we have the logins. SIL says she didn't know. But she hasn't spent any of it, except to pay off some very small credit card balances.

[Deleted]

UGGGGGGH.

I am not as anti-new-car as most because I think that in many cases, low interest rate + no/little maintenance costs can be a better deal than a used car. This is why my parents bought me a new car. 0.9% financing + big warranty = good deal.

But I've driven your car. There is NO reason she needs a car that expensive. When my parents bought me a brand new car, it was a base model Corolla. When we bought a brand new car earlier this year (and we're hardly MM picture children right now), it was a base model Honda Fit.

WTF car is she thinking of buying?

[y4m]

I'd totally support a gently used base model corolla (which is actually what she drives now, since that's what we've always bought in the past). She's sold on some kind of Mazda little SUV. Sticker is like $30k.

[y4m]

They are telling her she can get .9% financing--but who gives that to a 22 year old?!?

[bunch]

Aug 25, 2013 21:00:16 GMT -5 y4m said:

They are telling her she can get .9% financing--but who gives that to a 22 year old?!?

They did for my H, he was a college student with 0 income and a $400 mo car payment, it was totally bizarre.

[bostonmichelle]

Aug 25, 2013 21:00:16 GMT -5 y4m said:

They are telling her she can get .9% financing--but who gives that to a 22 year old?!?

Subaru gave me their best financing rate of 2.9% after graduating college, I was 22. I technically wasn't employed at the time, had a job lined up for 3 months down the road but yep they still gave me the financing deal they advertised to everyone. I did have some cc's that I always just used for gas/groceries and paid off in full every month.

[Deleted]

Aug 25, 2013 20:59:32 GMT -5 y4m said:

I'd totally support a gently used base model corolla (which is actually what she drives now, since that's what we've always bought in the past). She's sold on some kind of Mazda little SUV. Sticker is like $30k.

What the FUCK?

I have never owned a car with a sticker above $17k. I got 11+ years out of my brand new Corolla, which was sticker of $15k (thanks, Mom and Stepdad!). 

As Suze Orman would say: DENIED. 

[heygrey]

Aug 25, 2013 21:00:16 GMT -5 y4m said:

They are telling her she can get .9% financing--but who gives that to a 22 year old?!?

H got 0% financing on a brand new Hyundai (Accent, so only ~$15k, but still) when he was 22, working a job that had us living at the poverty line. He had just accepted a new job with a better salary and I think they used those numbers even though it wasn't set to start for a few months. I have no idea how it was approved with his student loan debt, but yeah. Totally possible to get the loan. 

Fwiw, it was a great decision for us because we had to get a vehicle (our old car was dead and cost more to fix than it was worth) and we knew we could handle $300 a month for the next couple years, but would struggle with unexpected car repairs. However, we picked a base model of one of the cheapest cars on the market to be MM.

I wouldn't condone getting a new, and relatively expensive model, just for funsies in your sils position. You're frustration is justified. 

[mollybrown]

Is the car titled to you or to her? If it's titled to you, I would let all parties involved know that this little plan won't be happening. Presumably you would have given the car to BIL if you wanted him to have it. If the car is titled to her, there may not be much you can do. I learned the hard way that trying to give cars to family can definitely backfire...I will be selling all future cars to strangers.

[y4m]

It's apparently in IL's names. Which is not what our agreement was. It was supposed to be in SIL's Name.

[y4m]

I am so annoyed that they put us in the position to be the bad guys here.

[CallingAllAngels]

Yikes. I am assuming your H had the same reaction as you? That is horrible. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

[mskitkat]

I don't really understand why this is your problem. SiL is 22. Old enough to make her own mistakes and learn from them. How is she going to learn if you take care of everything for her?

My mom asked me to buy my fiscally irresponsible sister a car. I laughed at her.

[y4m]

Aug 25, 2013 22:24:10 GMT -5 CallingAllAngels said:

Yikes. I am assuming your H had the same reaction as you? That is horrible. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

DH and I are 100% on the same page

It's our problem because the ILs will be our problem long term except to the extent that we can help grow these siblings into fully functioning adults that can contribute to their support.

And it kills me to see sil falling prey to their insane financial thinking. "You can afford it--just get some overtime or a raise" kind of magical thinking.

[UnderProtest]

Why are your in laws your problem long term?

[y4m]

DH won't leave his parents destitute. As annoying as that is, I have to support him in that since we are fine financially. This will probably take the form of us buying them a home they can live in, which will be an investment property for us.

[UnderProtest]

Wow, that is incredibly generous of you. I admit that neither my husband or I would/will do the same because of choices his parents have made.

Can you start stashing money away in an account (in your name) for the inevitable?

[jerseyjaybird]

OMFG. I would be livid. Why does your SIL think it's okay for her to sell your car?

[y4m]

I'm not really mad at SIL. She's 22 and listening to TERRIBLE money advice from her parents. We did the math with her and I think she gets it, although it blows that we are now the bad guys in this situation. I am livid at my ILs, who should know what a bad idea this is, though apparently do not.

[speckledfrog]

y4m, I get why you are helping your ILs. I am in charge of my mother's finances. She is our burden and it was either get involved now or deal with worse shit down the line. I know not everyone would do it but that doesn't mean it's bad to do.

Of course your SIL wants to do things your IL's way. That's so much easier than being a grown up! I hope you can set her straight.