I"M HOME ALONE! And also a vent/advice wanted

[mala]

H had to go into work to sign some paperwork he forgot to do so he took B with him. I'm alone in my house for 2+ hours (he works 45min-1hr away from home). It's so weird. I have no idea what to do with myself. Other than in the early days when he would take her for a drive so she would sleep in the car on nights she wouldn't fall asleep for me, he has only taken her out on his own once. ONCE. He's home alone with her all the time, and we go out and do things together, but I'm never in the house alone anymore.



And now for the advice wanted. So some of you may remember the fight I had with my dad at the beginning of the month. He and my mom agreed to watch B one day in Sept and emailed me asking about it and saying they wanted to go to Denver that weekend. Well, my response (and this is a really shorthand version of the way things went down) was to tell him exactly how his request made me feel (angry, insulted, and like we weren't a priority to him). His response to that was to tell me I'm overreacting.

I decided to let it go at this point and not respond because he's never going to understand. It's not trying to get out of watching B for us that really bothers me. They have since confirmed that they will watch her as we already agreed on. It's the fact that he said that I was overreacting that is bothering me. I told him how his words had made me feel. How is that overreacting? My mother and H both think that I wasn't. I feel like I'm owed an apology and I know I will never get it. I want to let this go. I am the kind of person who is hard to insult or anger. 99% of things that would bug other people just roll off my back. If I have a problem with someone I just let it go, and if I can't then I'll talk to them about it and then let it go. For some reason I can't let this go, and I can't seem to talk to him about it either.

It is really affecting the relationship I have with my parents. In the month since this happened, I have seen my parents twice. We used to see them once a week at minimum. I find myself ignoring their emails, texts and calls. And I feel really bad about it. I feel guilty too, because I'm not really missing my Dad, I'm missing the relationship I had with my Mom. We were really close and I feel like I'm letting this affect my relationship with her in a negative way. What scares me is that I would probably be OK with seeing less of my Dad. I know that sounds horrible, there's a lot of backstory to this (nothing abusive). I would not be OK with seeing less of my Mom.

On the one hand, I do think I need this distance from them for a little while. But I'm not sure that I know how to get back to where we were relationship wise. Or even if I want to go back to the exact way things were. I'm just not sure where to go from here.

[Deleted]

I think you just need to let it go. I know easier said than done but life is way too short to hold grudges. Mostly toward your parents. It was probably a decision between both of them to go to denver and your dad is the one that told you. Would act the same way if it was your mom who had told you? If you need distance, take it but don't ignore!

[laurack]

I guess I don't really get it. Is it all because they said they'd take him that day then said they were actually busy, or were there other things as well?

I'm confused.

[Regina Philange]

The overreacting statement makes you the most mad?

[mala]

My mother had no part in the original emails.

My father's email was in essence: We see on the calender that we are set to babysit B on this date. I don't remember what you guys are doing. Your mother doesn't remember what you're doing. We want to go to Denver to visit your brother that weekend.

My response was that we had tickets to an even, we asked them to babysit before we purchased said tickets and they agreed (almost a month before this email).

My dad says: Well can you find someone else to babysit.

I frantically look for someone else who can watch B, but none of our usuals can.

I respond that there is no once else immediately available. I am hurt that he wants to get out of it as it was arranged a month before. I tell him that I feel insulted that he is asking what our plans are as if they are of less value than what he wants. That is all my response was. I told him how I felt, I didn't make threats, I didn't tell him not to go to Denver, and I didn't tell him that if he cancels we will never ask them to babysit again.

His response is that I am overreacting.

My mother sent me a text later that I was spot on with my response to him.

Again, I'm over that he basically wanted my approval for canceling on us. That is what he was looking for, validation that it was ok for him to back out and go to Denver. I'm over that part. What bothers me is the "overreacting" part. He completely dismissed my feelings as inappropriate, and I don't agree.

[ruby412]

Listen, lady, I get it. I have a tendency to dwell on things and go over and over them in my head too. But, in this particular situation, I think you need to move on and let it go.

If there is more to the story, then possibly you have more you need to deal with in regards to your dad. But if it's simply that your dad can be insensitive at times, I think you should choose to accept him as he is and decide what kind of relationship you want with him. Unless it's something ultra serious and/or harmful, please do not put your mom in the uncomfortable position of being in the middle - where you want to see her often, but not him.

For me, it often helps to write down/type my feelings - everything out that you are feeling/worried about/want to say. And then trash it. Then make a conscious choice to move on. From the story you shared above alone, this is not worth continuing to be upset over.

[sunshineluv]

If this is about old stuff in your history with your dad, then you may need to chat with him about it. But I remember this story, although I understood why you got upset, I could see his side too. He wasn't sure that the date of babysitting was a firm date (a concert), so he was asking if you could switch. If it was a paid sitter not family, you would have just said, its firm we need someone that specific date. Once he found out it was set in stone, he did meet the obligation. I can see both sides.

It seems petty to be so upset about him saying you overreacted. Have you ever said anything to your family that maybe wasn't entirely the best thing to say, but they forgave you without an apology? I know I have, and my family has.

I think you need to let this one go, it isn't as big of a deal as you have made it out to be. I hope you can find a way to forgive your dad, this is not worth the strife you are causeing yourself.

[spaghetticat]

Didn't he also explain that he wanted to know what you were doing because he wanted to know if you had specific plans for that day? I feel like there is more to the story for this still to be bothering you. It is hard for me to understand why you are mad, so I am guessing he doesn't get it either.

[katfco]

I agree that, from your description, the incident was disrespectful to you and the agreement you guys had made, but I agree that you need to let it go. It would be nice if your dad would acknowledge your feelings, but it doesn't sound like he's going to. Unfortunately, we can't make someone see our side if they don't want to.

If this is something that happens a lot, then that's something to think about and try to talk to them, but I think you need to be the bigger person and just let it go.