Friends/ making friends

[laurack]

When people/other moms give you their number and say we should totally get together, sounds like fun! And really sound genuine do you think they mean it or do people just randomly give numbers out even if they don't like people?

Yet again this happened to me, I went to a mom group gathering a few weeks back at a bar and got on great with one girl who happens to live super close to me and then we exchanged numbers. One time about a week later I texted her and said hi we are going to that thing at the park, remember you were talking about it and how we should meet ... etc. and she texted back and said they went earlier. Ok cool. So then another time I was heading to the playground by her house after work with M about 6pm and I texted her we were going to the playground if she was around. She texted back a couple hours later and said oh sounds like it would have been fun! 

So now I'm like ... do I stop texting her? Am I being loserish or do I need to present more opportunities? how many tries do you give before you just give up. It's only been two, should I text one more time about the park? Should I try to plan something more "formal" with her?

I think it would be good for me to have more friends and she lives really close and seemed to like me. 

Why don't i have friends! I AM NICE I SWEAR IT!!!!

[Faevantastic]

I think you should text her again and plan something with a notice? Like "hey, do you want to get the kids together at the playground this weekend"?

[muppetinma]

I don't think you're a loser or pathetic. She just sounds flakey. I wouldn't spend any more time or energy on her. If she wants to hang out, she's got your info. If not, no harm done.

[Regina Philange]

Try something more formal if ya want.

Just say, "Hey wanna meet us at the park on Saturday." See where it goes.

There is no way i would give my number to someone i didn't want to give my number to. I am sure she really does want to be friends with you, Laurack. I would.

[laurack]

Aug 28, 2013 11:00:27 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I don't think you're a loser or pathetic. She just sounds flakey. I wouldn't spend any more time or energy on her. If she wants to hang out, she's got your info. If not, no harm done.

but I have no friends!! so it is "harm done"! lol

[musiclover]

I would try one more time to make actual plan ahead plans and see how she responds, maybe if she does not try to attend that event or does not attempt to make other plans then you'll know.
FWIW: I am a phone number snob, I would not give someone my number like that if I did to see friendship potential

[dixeedeluxe]

I have a pre-babies friend who continually tries to make plans in advance with everyone and it just NEVER works. I feel really terrible because she confessed to me (and then publically on FB) how she feels like such a loser because she keeps asking. I told her she needs to KEEP ASKING because I appriciate it.

[dixeedeluxe]

Also, I think it's weird to give out numbers because I just think everyone should add everyone on FB and make plans that way.

[musiclover]

Now that I think about it, I have a friend from daycare that I think is awesome, like she kicks ass. If my life were not so hectic busy, I would totally extend an invite to get together with her. Every few weeks she'll throw it out there that we need to make plans, and I totally agree, but then I never have the time. I wonder if she feels like you, and that I do not want to be her friend. Why can't there be more free time in life?
FFFC: If I were into swinging, her and her husband would do quite well (kiss) & (huh)

[muppetinma]

Aug 28, 2013 11:02:36 GMT -5 laurack said:

Aug 28, 2013 11:00:27 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I don't think you're a loser or pathetic. She just sounds flakey. I wouldn't spend any more time or energy on her. If she wants to hang out, she's got your info. If not, no harm done.

but I have no friends!! so it is "harm done"! lol

  I just try not to surround myself with stressful people, so I'd be inclined to try one more time, then let it go.  As a general rule, if you're constantly late, changing up plans at the last minute, or not answering texts/calls altogether, I'm going to stop calling you.  Ain't nobody got time for that. 

[lauranicole91]

I would definitely try a more formal scheduled play date of sorts before throwing in the towel.

Even when texting a new mom friend for the first time I shoot for a formal planned meet up.

If she still seems stand off-ish and won't commit to anything I'd just stop texting. If you never hear from her again, so be it. If she texts you next week to finally meet up cool.

[Deleted]

I would try a more formal play date and if she can't make that one I'd say something like "okay, well were usually free Monday and Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings so let me know if that ever works for you! "

[katie]

I have exchanged numbers twice but like others mentioned we made a date/time/location we could both make it to. It wasn't that easy because we all worked, people have plans, etc. I would try one more time in advance, if it doesn't work out then I would stop texting.

[jaime183]

I would definitely make plans and see how that goes. We never can do last minute stuff

[dixeedeluxe]

I don't think I'd ever show up for a one-on-one playdate with someone I didn't really know. But I WOULD show up for a group playdate arranged on FB where I could see everyone's responses!

[jfh]

1. It's true, you are very nice. And fun and funny.

2. It sounds like you've been texting about last-minute things, and I know that for me, I would rarely be able to do something last-minute. It's not even about already having plans, I just have a mental block to last-minute social stuff. I also dislike organizing things over text. If a suggestion to GTG is in my inbox, then I'll get back to it, even if it takes awhile. If it's in my text messages, it's forgotten within the hour. My suggestion would be to try something more formal with her, planned in advance, and to get emails instead of phone numbers in the future.

3. Did she offer her number unsolicited, or did you ask for it? If she offered, for sure she wants to be buddies. If you asked and she gave it, she at least doesn't dislike you.

[jfh]

Aug 28, 2013 11:22:45 GMT -5 ladybug said:

I would try a more formal play date and if she can't make that one I'd say something like "okay, well were usually free Monday and Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings so let me know if that ever works for you! "

I like this strategy too.

[musiclover]

Does anyone recall that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandelier make a new friendship with a couple they met on the way back from their honeymoon? After the couple ignores their phone calls they both begin to acuse the other of ruining it.

I feel like there must be a great GIF for this?

[katfco]

I hate when people act all friendly and then never seem to actually want to get together. This happened with someone we used to go to church with. We ended up moving into the same condo complex that she and her family lived in and her youngest was just a year or two older than Abby. She would always say, "my girls keep asking me 'when can we go play with Abby?'" but when I would call her to schedule something or just spur of the moment, she was always busy. I'll tell you, it really made me hesitant to call other people up after that.

I'm not sure if that's the case here; it's only been a couple of times. Some people are just really casual about get-togethers. I agree with trying to set something up formally. Keep trying a few more times; maybe it's just a really busy time for her?

[AndyCohen]

Aug 28, 2013 11:08:09 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Also, I think it's weird to give out numbers because I just think everyone should add everyone on FB and make plans that way.

Nooooo!!

[laurack]

I just texted her to ask if she was around this weekend and if so we should hang out/go to the playground or something. If she says shes not around that's fine too I think, labor day weekend etc.

The thing is I don't have a lot of friends, but I also don't have a lot of time. We have one couple we hang out with a lot and I love them. She is my only real friend as all others are wives of hubbys friends and all those wives don't work.

I just feel like "normal people" have more than one friend you know? like I should have more friends, it would be healthier. But I work full time so there really isn't a ton of opportunities for doing stuff. I need friends that live REALLY close to me and probably working moms because they would "get" the schedule thing better. I always see play dates and stuff being scheduled on my mom facebook group but its always like Tuesday at 2! Which is no good to me.

[AndyCohen]

I feel you. I hate this kind of stuff. I feel like email is better and planning a play date ahead of time like others have said. I've had moms ask me for my number and then never text me. It's like, why did you ask??

[carawestt]

Aug 28, 2013 11:37:38 GMT -5 musiclover said:

Does anyone recall that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandelier make a new friendship with a couple they met on the way back from their honeymoon? After the couple ignores their phone calls they both begin to acuse the other of ruining it.

I feel like there must be a great GIF for this?

Yes! Haha at first Monica was saying that Chandler was being so funny and then it becomes "you told a lot of jokes and I think you went overboard."

[Regina Philange]

I completely understand laurack. I think it is just one of those things. I am in the same boat.

ETA: I miss my friends, but i moved away to a new town about a year ago, and i need to meet new friends in my town but i don't have time. I see my friends less then i would like and i need friends that live closer to me.

[bigapple]

Aug 28, 2013 12:48:37 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Aug 28, 2013 11:08:09 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Also, I think it's weird to give out numbers because I just think everyone should add everyone on FB and make plans that way.

Nooooo!!

I just checked FB the other day and had messages from April, so that is definitely not a good way to reach me. Text is best because it's right there. I only check my email periodically (sorry again, Rjamz).

[rjamz]

Aug 28, 2013 13:14:31 GMT -5 bigapple said:

Aug 28, 2013 12:48:37 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Nooooo!!

I just checked FB the other day and had messages from April, so that is definitely not a good way to reach me. Text is best because it's right there. I only check my email periodically (sorry again, Rjamz).

Lol, no problem