Anyone friends with their ex?

[bookworm]

Just curious. If so, what is your relationship like? Did you remain friends right away or did it take time?

For anyone else, do you think it's possible to be friends with an ex?

[bullygirl979]

No I am not. But I also think it depends on the reason. Given XH cheated on me, I don't really have a burning desire to keep him in my life. If I see him out, I smile and exchange pleasantries. But I don't seek him out.

[udscoobychick]

Yes. XFI lives about 4 hours from me, so we were able to have some distance to get over the breakup. He's a good guy, but we weren't right for each other. We chat on FB every so often. I wouldn't be opposed to meeting up with him to catch up if I ever happen to be headed in his direction.

[stephbfan]

I can't say we are friends but we are friendly. There was no cheating, abuse or any other big deal breakers but we did have a lot of problems.

We can talk about a whole bunch of things and laugh. I am currently teaching him Spanish and we pretty much email everyday. We take DD to places together and talk about shows we both like like How I Met your Mother. We don't live in the same country, so when he comes to pick up DD he stays at my place and when I travel to the US to pick her up, I stay at his place because its more convenient.

However, we draw the line right there. I do not talk to him about my personal life. I don't know whether he is dating (well I kind of do), what he does on the weekends and the same goes for him.

It took us a while to get there, we broke up 4 years ago and I already stop seeing him as my ex and I see it more as DD's dad.

If we didn't have a child together, probably, I would talk to him at all. For me to be able to get over someone, it requires for me to stop contact. That's why it took me way too long to get over him.

[achase123]

No, but there have been instances where I have tried. He cannot keep it businesslike and will constantly try to talk about getting back together. Sometimes I think it's easier when we're in the barely speaking phase, as we are right now.

[heavenly]

I am despite the fact that he hurt me in the worst way possible which a clean shot to the heart.

We co-parent extremely well and are better together as really good friends who support each other. It just a different kind of relationship and we both just heads over heels over our son and want the best for him. We both see how valuable it is to our son that he sees us both get along and knowing we are always there for him.
Seeing how good of a father my eh is to my son validates that I did pick a good man to be the father of my son despite our outcomes. Knowing this gives me faith in myself when it comes to making decisions with a future possible s/o. It just got to get better than what it was and if I thought it was good then, I am onto something amazing sooner or later.

[mandimija]

Nope, but my ex was abusive. We can be civil, and will with the house selling. Occasionally I'll engage him in conversation just to keep him from pulling batshitcrazy shit, but I keep him conversation with him to a minimum. After the house sells, I just can't see talking to him.

[chrissie3416]

When we first split we were good friends...took DD out together to do things, talked about life, etc...Now I woudl say we are just friendly. We get along and co-parent together fairly well but thats about it now.

[Bernadine]

I would have liked to have stayed friendly, but he's been a massive dick since I left, so no.

[missbetty1]

I am not friends with my ex...been there done that! We have broken up a few times before and he would suggest we be friends, I agreed and somehow some way we would end up back together and I would be miserable all over again despite his "promises"...uggh. This time around I refuse to be friends with him...I am cordial, though. I ran into him, I think last week, and I spoke and kept it moving...

[wrathofkuus]

Gozf was! I don't know if she still is, after his shenanigans.

[explorer2001]

ExH hell no. He's a sociopath who harmed me in more ways than I'd like to count.

ExBF yes. He's a good guy but our relationship ran its course and we ended it as friends and have stayed friends since.

[dakotadangerdog]

Dear god no. But that did NOT end well.

[jojoandleo]

I've never dated someone that I was friends with first, so, when the relationship is over, it's easier for me to just get out and not confuse myself. I tried to stay friends with a couple exes, which turned into fuck buddies, which turned into fucked. I need the distance. After the distance, well, we weren't friends first and I have friends, so...

[bullygirl979]

Jun 20, 2012 12:14:12 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Gozf was! I don't know if she still is, after his shenanigans.

Right?! Moron.

[roselis]

Not friends, but friendly. If we didn't have DS, I would not even talk with him anymore. After the cheating and constant lies, I cannot trust him. And I am not friends with someone unless I can trust them on some level.
We do co-parent well though and I try to keep the conversations to those that affect DS in some way. If I email or text him, it is either about DS or to send him pictures of DS.

[letyourselfgo]

I am not friends with any of my exes except for one.....the last guy I was together with, who incidentally is also my best friend.

We weren't right for each other romantically, he wasn't sexually attracted to me, I wasn't that attracted to him, but was desperate for anyone to show some interest after my Ex-FI reiterated that we would not be getting back together ever, we both were horny and respectively, the opposite sex never had any interest in either of us.... but we clicked as friends and still do. So, we went straight from being together, to just friends after we split about 2 1/2 months ago.

Then again, our relationship wasn't that crazy intense....except for in the bedroom, sometimes.

[Deleted]

Yes, we are friends because we have 3 children together and have remained on very friendly terms. It took about 2-3 years to get to that place. He spends holidays with us and he and my H get along well.

[BookLover]

Hell to the NO!!!

[hobs209]

No, but he sure tries. I suspect he regrets what happened and wants an "in" to keep me in his life and I'm not on board with that at this point. I might not be opposed to being semi-friends way later, but he tried to start another full on relationship while we were together, so that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

[audg]

Yes and only because we have a child together and because I am an extremely forgiving person (for my son, only). We get along like brother and sister. Our divorce was final 2 wks ago and we still live together - but he'll be out in about 2 weeks. So, because we are around our child together so much, we've had no choice but to get along. Of course, I've had my moments where I got so mad at him I'd say things I later regretted in fear that my son heard me, but all in all, we get along and quite well for our son's sake.

[gozf]

Jun 20, 2012 12:44:45 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 20, 2012 12:14:12 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Gozf was! I don't know if she still is, after his shenanigans.

Right?! Moron.

Haha! I still am, even though he behaved poorly. I didn't speak with him for about a month -- not because I was punishing him, but because I needed some space. We're talking again and just had dinner last night. He screwed up, he knows it, and it's over with. Like I've said before, he's still my family even though he's not my husband. He was thoughtless, but he's not malicious. We're fine again.

[gozf]

I should add that we had a very amicable divorce. Nothing ugly, no fighting, no anger. We were sad things didn't work out, but we both knew it was best to part ways. We piss each other off and get on one another's nerves sometimes, but we're close. He's one of my favorite people. We're actually much better at being friends then we were at being married.

[formerlyak]

Friends? Like would I hang out with him if our ds wasn't there? No.

Friendly? As in he sits with my family at ds's events (his family is all out of the area and mine is here so we all go to sports and school stuff together as a united front for ds). We both have dinner with ds every Monday night together. He comes in and chats for a few minutes during drop off. He has started meeting some of my new neighbors who have kids ds' age. I figure if I have to deal with him for, oh, the rest of my life because we are both parents to a cool kid, why hold a grudge about the cheating part and make it harder than it has to be?

And now that he stopped whining about paying his half of ds' activities, I don't even want to kick him anymore

[wrathofkuus]

I'm glad to hear that. For some reason, I didn't want to see that friendship end.

[gozf]

Thank, Kuus. I'm glad, too. I was peeved -- and I had every right to be -- but I didn't see it as a friendship-ending offense. We've been through too much over the past 12 years, y'know? At the end of the day, I adore him. I think we'll always be friends.

[wrathofkuus]

I couldn't agree with you more. Real friends aren't people you ditch the first time they royally piss you off. You fight, you stew, you cool off, and you get over it.

[gozf]

It's true. Also, I am the worst grudge-holder. Short of intentionally killing my pets or my mom, I will eventually forgive pretty much anything.

[Bernadine]

Jun 20, 2012 14:12:44 GMT -5 gozf said:

It's true. Also, I am the worst grudge-holder. Short of intentionally killing my pets or my mom, I will eventually forgive pretty much anything.

But would you take a bullet for her?!?

Oh wait, wrong board.

[wrathofkuus]

HEE!