FWB question ...

[audg]

So I've mentioned before on this board that I am clearly not ready to date, but I def wanted a FWB, and so I found one He's super hot, in the Army (so he's only here til August..bummer) and he's super young too (he's 25 - I'm 37). I know he would have absolutely NO problem picking up women if/when he wanted one but he has told me he prefers having sex with older women and rarely has sex with girls his age. So before we did the deed, we talked, texted (ok ok, it was mostly sexting lol) and we agreed that we'd be perfect FWB. :drink:

So my question is this ... when you have a very obvious FWB situation, is it normal or ridiculous to expect you'd be their ONLY FWB? Just curious how this works cuz this is a whole new world for me. Yes, of course I could ask him.. but I don't want to sound jealous because even though I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend, (I would never date him).. I think I might be a little jealous..don't know why though. Hmmm.. thoughts, advise?

[Deleted]

I think it's realistic to ask from a perspective of being aware of your health. However, if you think you would feel jealous at all, then I think a FWB situation might not be for you.

[Deleted]

No, and to be honest, if you go in knowing you are ONLY FWB, then yes, you don't really have a say in who else he sleeps around with, you know? That being said, you can ask him, and vice versa, to prove to you he is clean every once in a while. Make sure you don't get any thing nasty, you know?

Honestly, a FWB isn't any sort of relationship other than a friendship where you guys sometimes bang. You two might not even hang out, out side of banging. If you feel like you are going to be jealous, don't get in to a FWB situation. Especially when it has been made clear neither of you want to date the other.

[ravenb1111]

There's no reason not to ask.. It is your body, that doesn't mean you want a relationship IMO.

[audg]

Jun 20, 2012 13:42:47 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Honestly audg, if you're jealous, then you might not be emotionally able to handle a fwb. Don't want you to get hurt

Yea, I thought about that, but I don't believe I'd feel hurt per se.. maybe just a tinge of jealousy. I seriously have zero romantic interest in him. And yes, we have talked about STDs and we are safe... so I probably will ask him if he's having sex with anyone else, but I just assume he'd say no - even if he was.

[audg]

Jun 20, 2012 13:46:46 GMT -5 @ravenb1111 said:

There's no reason not to ask.. It is your body, that doesn't mean you want a relationship IMO.

Good point...I'm gonna ask him. Thanks

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2012 13:49:10 GMT -5 audg said:

Jun 20, 2012 13:42:47 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Honestly audg, if you're jealous, then you might not be emotionally able to handle a fwb. Don't want you to get hurt

Yea, I thought about that, but I don't believe I'd feel hurt per se.. maybe just a tinge of jealousy. I seriously have zero romantic interest in him. And yes, we have talked about STDs and we are safe... so I probably will ask him if he's having sex with anyone else, but I just assume he'd say no - even if he was.

If there is a tinge now before you start sleeping together, imagine how much that would grow afterwards. Honestly think it through in your mind. If he banged you on Friday and you somehow found out he banged someone the next day, what would your reaction be? If it's anything except "meh..." this isn't a good set-up for you.

[audg]

Jun 20, 2012 13:52:36 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Jun 20, 2012 13:49:10 GMT -5 audg said:

Yea, I thought about that, but I don't believe I'd feel hurt per se.. maybe just a tinge of jealousy. I seriously have zero romantic interest in him. And yes, we have talked about STDs and we are safe... so I probably will ask him if he's having sex with anyone else, but I just assume he'd say no - even if he was.

If there is a tinge now before you start sleeping together, imagine how much that would grow afterwards. Honestly think it through in your mind. If he banged you on Friday and you somehow found out he banged someone the next day, what would your reaction be? If it's anything except "meh..." this isn't a good set-up for you.

Oh but - we've banged already .. many times .. lol Maybe that's why I have the tinge of jealousy?!?! I dunno... I think maybe you guys are right, maybe I'm just not emotionally ready to handle it.

[wrathofkuus]

Jun 20, 2012 13:49:10 GMT -5 audg said:

Jun 20, 2012 13:42:47 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Honestly audg, if you're jealous, then you might not be emotionally able to handle a fwb. Don't want you to get hurt

Yea, I thought about that, but I don't believe I'd feel hurt per se.. maybe just a tinge of jealousy. I seriously have zero romantic interest in him. And yes, we have talked about STDs and we are safe... so I probably will ask him if he's having sex with anyone else, but I just assume he'd say no - even if he was.

Well, you can't know that the two of you are safe unless neither of you is also sleeping with someone else.

[gozf]

I tend to assume that all FWBs have the right to sleep with other people. Otherwise, it's essentially a relationship, no?

I dunno. If you absolutely don't want him sleeping with other women, it doesn't sound like this is a good thing for a FWB sitch.

[roselis]

If you wonder then just ask. If you think you may be jealous, then it probably is not a good idea. Take a break and then maybe look at it again later.
I wasn't sure how I would feel with my first FWB. He said some things afterwards that brought up some jealousy issues within myself. We stopped, I figured out why it caused it, and I found a new FWB later when I felt ready.

[wrathofkuus]

What'd he say?

[roselis]

Jun 20, 2012 14:22:23 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

What'd he say?

Me or the OP?

[wrathofkuus]

You.

[doriswe]

Jun 20, 2012 14:05:07 GMT -5 gozf said:

I tend to assume that all FWBs have the right to sleep with other people. Otherwise, it's essentially a relationship, no?

I dunno. If you absolutely don't want him sleeping with other women, it doesn't sound like this is a good thing for a FWB sitch.

This!

[roselis]

Jun 20, 2012 14:22:23 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

What'd he say?

We had been talking afterwards one time and he was telling me about how he found a good friend of mine incredibly sexy (who was and is currently engaged). A little bit later I asked him his opinon of me and he classified me as "reasonably attractive".
This brought back a lot of issues from when I was still with XH as he compared me to her a lot (her fiance and she lived with us for a year and a half) telling me I needed to be more like her, one time even hinting that he would not have cheated if he was with her.
That came rushing back with the FWBs comment. That was also the last time we hooked up. I'm in a much better place now about that. His comment helped me realize that I never did deal with that issue and that I would need to before I was ready to date or even hook up with someone.

[wrathofkuus]

I don't think it takes any personal issues or history for that to sting. That was just an incredibly assholish thing to say. Can you imagine saying that to someone, anyone, even someone you haven't had sex with? "Hey, Bob, you know, I think your buddy Luke is incredibly sexy. You're only reasonably attractive, though." But as after sex pillow talk? Whoa. The wolves who raised him should be ashamed.

I suspected that whatever it was had less to do with any issues on your part, and more to do with the guy needing a mallet to the testicles.

[roselis]

Jun 20, 2012 14:37:25 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I don't think it takes any personal issues or history for that to sting. That was just an incredibly assholish thing to say. Can you imagine saying that to someone, anyone, even someone you haven't had sex with? "Hey, Bob, you know, I think your buddy Luke is incredibly sexy. You're only reasonably attractive, though." But as after sex pillow talk? Whoa. The wolves who raised him should be ashamed.

I suspected that whatever it was had less to do with any issues on your part, and more to do with the guy needing a mallet to the testicles.

Aww Thank you.
That was my thought on it too, but I did need to deal with all of the comments my XH had told me as well and the lack of self-confidence from it.

[wrathofkuus]

Oh, sure, sure. But I kinda want to put this guy's picture on a billboard and make sure he never gets laid again.

[audg]

Jun 20, 2012 14:44:55 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Oh, sure, sure. But I kinda want to put this guy's picture on a billboard and make sure he never gets laid again.

Seriously! Who says shit like that?!? Glad you're in a better place roselis!

[roselis]

Jun 20, 2012 15:13:40 GMT -5 audg said:

Jun 20, 2012 14:44:55 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Oh, sure, sure. But I kinda want to put this guy's picture on a billboard and make sure he never gets laid again.

Seriously! Who says shit like that?!? Glad you're in a better place roselis!

Thanks

[BookLover]

I agree with the other ladies here. If you are feeling jealous over the fact he could be sleeping around with other FWB, it doesn't sound like you're ready for it.

[lookingup]

Jun 20, 2012 19:44:07 GMT -5 BookLover said:

I agree with the other ladies here. If you are feeling jealous over the fact he could be sleeping around with other FWB, it doesn't sound like you're ready for it.

:Y: