I don't want to be bitter

[charmediamsure]

I'm a substitute teacher and I have mentioned before that the job market here is not good. In the grand scheme of things I am exceptionally lucky to be employed by a school board because the stats show that boards are not hiring and haven't been for some time.

I've had some partial year contracts and substitute work in my board is generally steady so I am lucky there.

However, my two closest friends from uni work for different boards. One is a guy who has math and science qualifications and has been able to find steady contract positions and only done a little substituting. The other is a female who has history and drama (both not in demand subjects at all) and she has lucked out with steady contracts because she happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I know their experiences are not at all typical. And I know I have been lucky to get the work I have. But I'm just sitting at home today like a chump with no work while they start the year in their classrooms. Both of them still live at home while I'm married with a baby and a new house. I desperately need the money. I am just so sad and trying so hard not to be bitter. I'm happy they have had luck, it's just we will all hang out and it's like "oh, you don't have anything yet? I'm sure you'll get something".

Sorry. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and venting. All my friends are teachers and I have no one to talk to about this.

[sunshineluv]

I am sorry, that sounds tough. Don't be hard on yourself though. You are getting some work, and making contacts, hopefully next you will be the right person at the right time for an opening!

[charmediamsure]

I know this probably sounds completely melodramatic, but sometimes I look at Jack and I just want to cry because I feel like I have failed him in not being able to get steady work.

Money is going to be really right when we move into the new house until our cars are paid off in a ear and a half and its just like if I had been in the right place at the right time we would be so much better off. I know that is ridiculous.

I just want him to have a good life and not a mom that is secretly stressing about if and when she is going to work. And thank goodness he is napping right now because I am an ugly crying mess.

[sunshineluv]

Sept 3, 2013 11:43:23 GMT -5 charmediamsure said:

I know this probably sounds completely melodramatic, but sometimes I look at Jack and I just want to cry because I feel like I have failed him in not being able to get steady work.

Money is going to be really right when we move into the new house until our cars are paid off in a ear and a half and its just like if I had been in the right place at the right time we would be so much better off. I know that is ridiculous.

I just want him to have a good life and not a mom that is secretly stressing about if and when she is going to work. And thank goodness he is napping right now because I am an ugly crying mess.

You are not failing him, you not having a full time job is not your fault. He is well fed, and has shelter and a mom who loves him dearly. You will have many years of working full time ahead of you to save up money and not have to pinch pennies.

I repeat, you are not failing him, not even remotely.

[charmediamsure]

Sept 3, 2013 11:47:41 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

Sept 3, 2013 11:43:23 GMT -5 charmediamsure said:

I know this probably sounds completely melodramatic, but sometimes I look at Jack and I just want to cry because I feel like I have failed him in not being able to get steady work.

Money is going to be really right when we move into the new house until our cars are paid off in a ear and a half and its just like if I had been in the right place at the right time we would be so much better off. I know that is ridiculous.

I just want him to have a good life and not a mom that is secretly stressing about if and when she is going to work. And thank goodness he is napping right now because I am an ugly crying mess.

You are not failing him, you not having a full time job is not your fault. He is well fed, and has shelter and a mom who loves him dearly. You will have many years of working full time ahead of you to save up money and not have to pinch pennies.

I repeat, you are not failing him, not even remotely.

Thanks. H keeps saying the same, it's just not how it feels. I just want to be a good mom and give Jack a good life and I feel so helpless.

I know I am being whiny. I'm just so stressed and I feel like it's not fair. I don't want to hate on their success I'm just like "ugh, why not me? I need the money". I gotta work on that winning the lottery thing.