Coming out of Lurking

[howardandbear]

Hi ladies. I have been posting over in Single parents on the bump since November but I feel like I might actually get more out of being here with you ladies. My STBXH and I have been living in different states since Nov. He is an abusive addict who after several years of sobriety and being clean decided to dip his toes in the world of bath salts. Now he's completely bonkers and unpredictable. So now it's me and my 17month old DD.
I'm in therapy and don't feel like I am making any progress.(My therapist thinks I am) This week I found out that crazytown now has a girl friend that he is living with. It shouldn't hurt me. I knew there were other women. He is completely nuts. But I'm still hurt. I have no desire to be with him ever again but I'm still hurt.
I've been lurking for a while now and love the honesty and forwardness that I feel no one around me will give. Hope ya'll will have me here.

[lookingup]

First of all, welcome!

All of the hurt and everything you are feeling is completely normal. It's very hard to look at this person now and think that at one time you believed you would spend your life with him- we've all been there. The great thing is that once this chapter is finished, you are that much closer to finding happiness. It's out there for you, and all of us are here to help you along in the meantime. Keep going to therapy and focus on what matters: yourself and your DD. It does get better.

[doriswe]

Welcome and I second what lookingup said!!

Stick around, it's a fun place to hang out!

[explorer2001]

Welcome and what looking up said. It gets better.

[doriswe]

I'm half asleep today, so I had to re-read this! My situation is not as extreme as yours is, but when XH came out with his relationship I was super hurt and mad. I was mad that he could take the easy way out and hop into a new relationship with someone else, while I was putting in the time and effort to get my shit together. It was never about wanting him back or missing him, it was jealousy that he got the easy road (again) and I was working my butt off to keep my shit together and fix my own stuff.

Thing is, I'm healthy and happy and he's living in a fucked up reality that will come crashing down soon enough. And I'm okay with that!

[kellbell191]

Bath salts are fucking terrifying, that alone is a very good reason to stay very far away.

[explorer2001]

Re nor feeling like you are making progress in therapy, trust your therapist for now. I remember spending months feeling like I was making no progress, the it felt like it hit all at once. I know my therapist was able to point out things that had changed, ex I started saying different things like finally placing responsibility with my ex for him actions. I still hurt so badly I couldn't see how big a change that was. Maybe you therapist could point some of those things out to you.

Re him already having a new gf, what mcc said. You are making real improvement in your life. If you standards were are port in a storm (any Dick in your bed) you could easily have a new crappy bf again too. It's not worth it. You will have a much better next relationship because of the work you are doing. It still hurts but you are doing the right thing.

[missbetty1]

Jun 21, 2012 8:10:03 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Welcome and I second what lookingup said!!

Stick around, it's a fun place to hang out!

:Y: Welcome!

[achase123]

Hello and welcome.

I am a fellow single mom and used to post more on the SP board. Lately it seems like it's a lot of baby daddy drama so I tend to stay away.

It's totally normal to feel some sense of jealousy when your X has a new relationship. My XH is also an addict and cheated on me when I was pregnant. I have a blog that you might relate to if you want to check it out. Also feel free to message me.

littlestronger.blogspot.com/

[usedtobebear]

Hi,
Welcome to the board. My stbx is completely nuts too, but it still hurts to lose him and end our marriage. It's totally normal to feel the way you are feeling. I believe that time will help and since you're already going to therapy you are headed in the right direction. Keep being strong and you will get over this eventually, at least that's what they tell me, lol.

[mayflowers22]

Jun 21, 2012 2:14:48 GMT -5 lookingup said:

First of all, welcome!

All of the hurt and everything you are feeling is completely normal. It's very hard to look at this person now and think that at one time you believed you would spend your life with him- we've all been there. The great thing is that once this chapter is finished, you are that much closer to finding happiness. It's out there for you, and all of us are here to help you along in the meantime. Keep going to therapy and focus on what matters: yourself and your DD. It does get better.

This. Welcome!