It's coming again, as it does every year, of course. I forgot until I saw the "no parking" signs by the fireman's memorial where they hold a service every year and it hit me so hard I had to sit down.
And I got to thinking, one day, maybe next year or the year after, Jamie is going to ask me about it. I try to go to the ceremony at the monument every year and it's important I take him with me. How will I ever be able to explain what happened to him? How are you planning on doing it? Have you thought about it?
Post by creamsiclechica on Sept 9, 2013 14:40:19 GMT -5
I struggle with this too. I'm trying to figure out how to explain something so horrific and then all the events after it that affected our family. I think that when it comes time for us to explain, they'll be some resources that will soften the blow of it, like the museum, memorial, books. I think it's natural for us to be even more affected as parents when reliving contemporary tragedies like 9/11. Or the wars in Iraq ad Afghanistan that followed. Or even now, the situation on Syria. It makes it all more realistic and human when there's this attachment and responsibility for another living person, especially someone so vulnerable. And, when the only answer we have do "why?" is inexplicable hatred.
Post by The Foozzler on Sept 9, 2013 14:45:32 GMT -5
I can already see the disconnect with my students. This year's class was born in 2005. They have very little knowledge about what happened and they see it as bad guys flew planes into buildings without much more.
I have no idea what to say to Tyler, but I think the conversation will take place when we take him down to that area or show him pictures I have of me at the top on one of the buildings, unless he asks first.
Ya, my 19 year old brother called me when he was 13 or so to interview me about 9/11 for a class project. I said "Well you remember...." and he said he didn't.
It's so weird. Most of my acting students weren't even born yet. They don't really get it. I don't know how I'll explain it, but I will have to. It was my first day of classes at NYU and it deeply affected me. My mom's cousin worked in the tower and died that day. I didn't know her, but it was still horrible.
I feel you @therealmc. My students see history as encompassing so many things that feel "real" to me.
I think the challenge is to make sure it is always always always problematized. These were a particular kind of bad guy and they had particular goals. Understanding that is the difference between learning that Hitler was evil and thinking that all Germans who participated in Nazi society are evil.
I hate to event think it, but I'm sure there will be some tragic event in our children's lifetime that their children won't understand or feel as deeply about as they do. Not to trivialize it, but how many of us can even recall what the date of Pearl Harbor was?
For us, H's family will talk about their experiences that day (a lot of his cousins are FDNY and NYPD and were there. A couple no longer are because of PTSD and lung disease from that day. H lost people close to him and his family. ) and share what they went through with our boys. I grew up with a Muslim father and I don't want the focus of the stories they hear to be about evil Muslims, which I think happens a lot. I'd rather they hear about the bravery and acts of courage and humanity that happened in the aftermath.
We are in NYC a lot, and once the boys get a little older and can understand a bot more, we will take them to ground zero. I cry so hard every time I am there
This also reminds of why I don;t watch the Today show anymore. Fucking Kris Kardashian during the time every one else was having a moment of silence. Disgusting.
Post by orriskitten on Sept 9, 2013 15:50:28 GMT -5
I feel the same as therealmc. While it greatly affected so many of us, there will be a disconnect. While it is a tragedy, it is also a lesson in perseverance and bravery. I worked very close to the wtc site for a number of years so I learned to see life continuing despite tragedy. I see it as rebuilding so much. When I teach my kids, I hope to focus on the selfless acts of the rescue people (I had family, friends and neighbors amongst the first responders. My mom lost a partner she had as an emt and I see the life long family friends who were lucky enough to survive but were destroyed by it)and the memories of those lost.
It was an act of hatred, and a lesson to why we don't hold hate like that, regardless of who we are. Instead, try to find compassion and understanding. We do not need to continue to polarize an 'us' from 'them' and that is the lesson I hope to see in the next generation.
I was 15 and I feel disconnected from it. I didn't have the understanding as to what was happening and even though it was in the U.S it was very far from me. Plus my parents didn't talk about it or their fears/concerns about what happened. To me it was a sad day. I had much better understanding as I got older, but I doubt I'll be talking to my kids about it until they ask.
I feel this way, too. I hadn't ever heard of the World Trade Center before it happened.
Post by monkeybabe on Sept 9, 2013 16:02:15 GMT -5
I feel like it will be very hard to teach Zoe about the impact it had. Being on the west coast, we're physically removed from it, along with the fact that it happened more than 10 years before she was born. I was 12 when it happened and, while I knew that it was serious, and awful, it wasn't something I thought about much after the first couple weeks. I think it might be one of those things that I'll eventually want to take Zoe to NY to learn about.
I already feel disconnected from it. I moved to DC in the fall of 2001 and have only lived there and NYC since. I worked in the U.S. Senate through Anthrax and Ricin, and the war joint resolution. I spent two years working with Afghan and Pakistani refugees who had been brutalized by the Taliban. A close friend fortunately made it out of the Towers that day. Despite all of that, I still don't feel much emotion about 9/11. Like PP said, it's like Pearl Harbor or the Vietnam War in my mind - something to remember and learn from, but not something I routinely dwell on.
I agree with @therealmc, telling our kids about it will be very similar to our parents telling us about Vietnam and the Kennedy Assassination. I was 11 when it happened and while I remember watching it on TV and talking about it in school, I feel very disconnected from it. I had never heard of the World Trade Center before 9/11 since I had never been to NY (other than when I was 2 dfor a wedding) and the fact that we're on the west coast.
We visited NY in 2008 and went to ground zero and seeing just a whole in the ground made me tear up. I can't imagine being there as everything was happening that day.
Post by TrudyCampbell on Sept 9, 2013 17:05:29 GMT -5
I still feel very emotional about it all. I cried last night watching the 60 minutes museum thing even though I've seen it a few times before. I will cry on 9/11 when they read the names. And I am really not a crier.
I still feel very emotional about it all. I cried last night watching the 60 minutes museum thing even though I've seen it a few times before. I will cry on 9/11 when they read the names. And I am really not a crier.
I only started feeling all the feelings about it on the 10 yr anniversary (I tend to repress my feelings. A lot.) so I'm still feeling it pretty hard.
Post by orriskitten on Sept 9, 2013 17:24:02 GMT -5
I felt it much more in the years following it. I remember the thought that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.
Now I don't feel that way quite as much. I feel like I've healed a lot from what I went through, but we also deeply discussed it in my high school since we could see it all happen there and many of my classmates lost family.
Also, working with the youth group that I did, we did a lot of discussing it and worked on positive ways to help the world in a sense. I think focusing on that, rather than the pain, can help so much.
Post by imimahoney on Sept 9, 2013 17:39:18 GMT -5
My 15 year olds don't feel connected to it. They see it as sad and they understand the pain that it has caused but they don't really have that connection. We have an assembly that I can't sit through. My principal understands. I always tell my students how I found out and how horrible my day was. I sometimes cry on front of them. It will be a hard day all around.
Post by imimahoney on Sept 9, 2013 17:42:08 GMT -5
Oh and with Ari, I will tell him when he is older but not sure how. My bff's father died and we go a memorial event every Spring. He will know why we are there celebrating his life. Just not sure how much I will tell him.
We were on vacation that week in Vermont, we were going to head into the city the first half of the trip but decided to do it on the way back home. My brother just came back from an NYC trip and ate at the Windows (of/on) the World for his anniversary and talked how awesome it was. We were going to try to eat there.
I remember seeing the building after the first plane and my words haunt me because I told DH (and his parents we were at their timeshare) that let's go to breakfast, the building was built for that (thinking it was a small plane that accidentally crashed). I remember thinking the second plane got caught in the smoke. I remember at breakfast the newscasters were talking terrorism and my 21 year old self couldn't fathom that.
The most I take from that day and trip was going around the small towns of Vermont and seeing the signs for blood donation and other various donations that were needed. The flags that were proudly displayed. How the country came together as one community. That is what I want to teach the kids. Out of great tragedy how we all became one.
I still remember our drive home and looking at the skyline off the Tappan Pee and just seeing the smoke that weekend. I also remember how strange the sky was without planes.
I can't imagine what you NY ladies went through. Many hugs to you this week.
Post by DesertMoon on Sept 9, 2013 18:05:59 GMT -5
My anniversary is actually 9/11, we got married legally on may 20th though, in church 9/11. I recently watched a documentary that had an audio of a man in the building and you hear a crash and he scream OH GOD! The sound of the fear in his voice froze my blood..I ran cold for a minute. I plan on telling Julian that there are bad people on earth who do bad things. It does not define a group of people the actions of a few. I'm sure he will be just as disconnected as I am from say WW 2. It's all so sensless, the loss of precious life.
It's obviously not the same, but we had to explain the Boston marathon bombing to Henry this year - he overheard my phone call with DH (who works right by the finish line and called me about the explosions right after they happened), saw initial footage on TV that was FAR more graphic than I expected, and had his final day of camp cancelled/had to stay in all day with us (with news on) during the lockdown and manhunt a few days later.
It's hard to explain without making them scared, but kids are so resilient. We just explained that there are bad people who don't believe the same things we do and want to scare us into changing how we think/act, and they do dangerous and bad things to try and do that. BUT that mom and dad, his teachers, the police, etc work very hard to keep him safe and he shouldn't worry. And also that we don't let bullies scare us. He actually brought it up yesterday and we were talking about how important it was going to be to watch the marathon next year and cheer, just like we do every year, because we need to show bullies they don't scare us.
Obviously 9/11 is a different ball of wax, but you can start by explaining in simple ways like that. It's sad, but I don't think our kids will understand the horror of that day, just like we can't fully grasp events like the Cuban Missle Crisis, Pearl Harbor, etc etc
It's obviously not the same, but we had to explain the Boston marathon bombing to Henry this year - he overheard my phone call with DH (who works right by the finish line and called me about the explosions right after they happened), saw initial footage on TV that was FAR more graphic than I expected, and had his final day of camp cancelled/had to stay in all day with us (with news on) during the lockdown and manhunt a few days later.
It's hard to explain without making them scared, but kids are so resilient. We just explained that there are bad people who don't believe the same things we do and want to scare us into changing how we think/act, and they do dangerous and bad things to try and do that. BUT that mom and dad, his teachers, the police, etc work very hard to keep him safe and he shouldn't worry. And also that we don't let bullies scare us. He actually brought it up yesterday and we were talking about how important it was going to be to watch the marathon next year and cheer, just like we do every year, because we need to show bullies they don't scare us.
Obviously 9/11 is a different ball of wax, but you can start by explaining in simple ways like that. It's sad, but I don't think our kids will understand the horror of that day, just like we can't fully grasp events like the Cuban Missle Crisis, Pearl Harbor, etc etc
I like the idea of emphasizing that there are people there to keep us safe. I think I'm going to continue taking Jamie to the fireman's memorial on 9/11 and point out that these are the heroes who work so hard to protect us from bad people who want to hurt us. It's a huge procession of firemen and policemen.
Post by browneyedhunni85 on Sept 9, 2013 19:57:27 GMT -5
9/11 is always a crappy day in our house. It marks the anniversary death of DH's sister. She died when she was 11 from a brain tumor. DH and her were super close. He was 8 years old when she died.
Post by creamsiclechica on Sept 9, 2013 20:29:55 GMT -5
It resonates with me still, and I still watch the names and still cry. It changed my entire life. It sent my brother, cousin, and husband to war time and time again. It defines me in so many ways, if that makes sense. I don't expect my child to absorb the enormity of that, certainly not now, maybe not ever. But it will define her life too as a soldier's daughter and as an American in post 9/11 society. I understand the disconnect, but I feel like it's our job as parents to remind our children of the good and the evil in the world, and how to navigate each in a positive way. I love what you told Henry about the bombing, devonpow. That's a really wonderful way to focus in on the good and open up a difficult conversation with your child.
And maybe it's just me, but I love talking to my parents and grandparents about things they experienced to get a better idea of just how much the world has changed. Books are great, but people are our link to the past.