You are going to be proud of me

[Deleted]

My grandmother is one of these types. In the end, I think she is/was just bitter about her own circumstances.

I was home visiting once and out of the blue (in a room full of people) she said "you'll never be as pretty as your mother". Cue a record scratch and awkward faces lol.

Hopefully you will continue to stick up for yourself and it will feel freeing and it won't eat you up.
And hopefully she will learn to shut her trap.

[wowhead]

Good for you for standing up for yourself! And that pizza sounds amazing to me. I have no idea what she thinks there is to criticize.

[wowhead]

Sept 10, 2013 22:10:31 GMT -5 sequins said:

Do you think I could say anything to make her less bitter about her life? Or is it on her to deal with her life?

I highly doubt it.  It would have to be something she recognized about herself and something she has the desire to change.

[lime]

Unfortunately, no.

Been there, tried that.

[karmasabiotch]

I have my son convinced that me outing cream cheese on a bagel is my version of cooking. His wife is going to thank me one day.

[karmasabiotch]

Putting not outing.

[livinitup]

Sept 10, 2013 22:04:25 GMT -5 sequins said:

today I said, why would you say that?

Yeah! Priceless.

One day, wait for an answer. Really wait for it.

Some people just like to put other people down. Even if they are a mom. Or they have their own issues that prevent them from being supportive on things. Even a mom.

No, you can't say or ask something that un-does this part of your mother. I commend you for keep putting it out there for your mother to judge and put-down. But that dynamic is on you. Something you have to work on and get past. When you don't need to do that anymore, you may be happier.

[doctoranda]

Sept 10, 2013 22:35:22 GMT -5 sequins said:

Sept 10, 2013 22:26:35 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Yeah! Priceless.

One day, wait for an answer. Really wait for it.

Some people just like to put other people down. Even if they are a mom. Or they have their own issues that prevent them from being supportive on things. Even a mom.

No, you can't say or ask something that un-does this part of your mother. I commend you for keep putting it out there for your mother to judge and put-down. But that dynamic is on you. Something you have to work on and get past. When you don't need to do that anymore, you may be happier.

I share my food pictures with her because I thought she would be happy and proud to see what I am cooking. I didn't think she was comparing her skills to  mine or that it made her feel inadequate. Are you saying I should not expect her approval? That is going to be a major uphill task.

Yes don't expect approval. And I would just not share the pictures anymore. Be proud of your own cooking even no matter what. You made it and it sustains your body. That should be enough.

[snickers]

Good job for standing up for yourself!

[livinitup]

Sept 10, 2013 22:35:22 GMT -5 sequins said:

Sept 10, 2013 22:26:35 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Yeah! Priceless.

One day, wait for an answer. Really wait for it.

Some people just like to put other people down. Even if they are a mom. Or they have their own issues that prevent them from being supportive on things. Even a mom.

No, you can't say or ask something that un-does this part of your mother. I commend you for keep putting it out there for your mother to judge and put-down. But that dynamic is on you. Something you have to work on and get past. When you don't need to do that anymore, you may be happier.

I share my food pictures with her because I thought she would be happy and proud to see what I am cooking. I didn't think she was comparing her skills to  mine or that it made her feel inadequate. Are you saying I should not expect her approval? That is going to be a major uphill task.

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. 

Sometimes, we have to believe people when they say something to us. Saying "Big deal, you plopped spinach on a pizza and called it gourmet" is not being happy or proud of you. It's NOT. You may want that from her, but it's better to admit that you are not getting it - for whatever reason - and move on.

And I say this as someone who also struggled FOR YEARS around getting my mother's approval on cooking. I am extremely proud of my OWN cooking and recipes. I just had to let go of getting her approval. And really, teaching her how rude she was being. She has a fierce preference for the simple 6 things she makes, and really does not want or enjoy anything else.

It is very brave of you to put your food out-there for her judgment and approval. But it is also causing you hurt and pain to keep being rejected. As an adult, you need to protect yourself better, care less about her opinion and seek those that support and inspire you. That's brave, too.  

 

[candreco]

You KNOW that this is totally on her. Whatever issues she has shifting to seeing you as an indpendent adult rather than a child, and adjusting to the unavoidable shift to more equal power in the relationship, it's not yours to take on. Don't live for her approval, because it will be an ever moving target.

[Deleted]

Sounds like your mom needs to come out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.

Good for you for standing up to your mother - climbing Mt. Everest would be easier would be easier for most of us, I think.

And awesome job for willing to put your food and YOU out there!!!

[lilafowler]

Your mom is being a jerk, sorry. At least with my cooking failures my mom TRIES to not laugh at me...but she's never downright MEAN about it.

And hello-that Greek pizza sounds great-AND easy! What's wrong with that?

[Deleted]

I like that you called her out on it. that wasn't cool of her. SN your pizza sounded yummy

[Deleted]

It's time to stop sharing your photos with your mom. By making rude and just downright mean comments, your mother has lost that privilege.

Blog because you like to do it, not to impress anyone. especially your mom.

[chickadee77]

Um, there's an entire industry nowadays of good-tasting, quick, simple, pretty recipes. Just look at the Cooking Channel. Or Pinterest. Or the grocery store and the recipes they offer, FFS. So she needs to STFU.

Oh, and I agree with livinitup and Sue. It's tough, but sometimes you just need to acknowledge to yourself that you can't change someone who's being miserable. Good for you for standing up to her. Maybe she'll stop and think about the things that come flying out of her mouth if she's called on them more frequently. 

[midnightrae]

I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. It isn't easy when it is a family member. Also, don't expect her approval, just do what makes you happy.

[midnightrae]

Sept 11, 2013 12:21:38 GMT -5 sequins said:

Sept 11, 2013 12:20:58 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. It isn't easy when it is a family member. Also, don't expect her approval, just do what makes you happy.

Your siggy has never been more apt!

Haha, I totally forgot about my siggy. But it is true. 
I learned that a long time ago.