Dear Parents, You Need to Control Your Kids,

[mominatrix]

this is all kinds of great.  read it all, it's worth it, I promise.

(from a DJ's blog)
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Dear parents, you need to control your kids. Sincerely, non-parents
Posted on September 15, 2013 by The Matt Walsh Blog




To the fan I lost yesterday:

I don’t owe you an explanation, but I thought I’d offer one anyway. I do this more for your sake than mine. You see, maybe, as you later suggested, I was in a bad mood. Maybe I could have been a bit more polite about it. Maybe I’m more sensitive to it now that I have kids. Maybe I’m just sick of hearing these comments about parents. Maybe I know that my wife has to take the twins with her when she goes grocery shopping sometimes, so she could easily be on the receiving end of your sort of bullying. Maybe I took it personally.

Whatever the case, there I was, walking down the aisles of the grocery store looking for the ingredients for a new chili recipe I wanted to try. I heard the kid screaming from a distance; the whole store heard him. It was a temper tantrum, a meltdown, a hissy fit — it happens. Toddlers are notorious for losing their cool at the most inconvenient times. Nobody likes to hear it, but it happens. You’re out running errands with your little guy, everything is fine, and next thing you know he’s in full-on rabid poodle mode. It’s humiliating and emotionally draining, but what can you do? Pull out that large glass sound proof aquarium you carry around and stick your kid in it so nobody can hear him shriek? That’s a possibility, but the logistics don’t always work. Slightly more realistically, the peanut gallery probably expects you to drop all of your groceries and immediately run into the parking lot, so as to save them from having to deal with the spectacle. But it’s not always that simple; maybe you don’t have time to shut down the whole operation just because Billy’s gone nuclear.

It wasn’t that simple for the mother of this kid. I finally came across her in the beans aisle. She had a cart full of groceries, a kid riding along, and another one walking beside her. Well, he wasn’t really walking so much as convulsing and thrashing about like he’d invented some bizarre, angry interpretive dance. He was upset about something, from what I gathered it had to do with a certain lucky cereal he wished to acquire, but which his mother refused to purchase. I felt his pain, poor guy. My mom never bought me sugary cereal either — “breakfast candy,” she called it. She used to get us Cheerio’s — “breakfast cardboard,” I called it.

I felt the woman’s pain even more. She could bribe her kid into silence, but she was sticking to her guns. Good for her, I thought. Sure, if she’d only meet his ransom demands, my bean purchasing experience would be a bit more pleasurable, but I was rooting for her nonetheless. Not everyone felt the same way, apparently.

I’d met you a few minutes earlier. You told me you were a fan. We spoke for a moment, you seemed nice enough. Then we crossed paths again there by the beans and the screaming toddler. I guess you thought we were friends, you thought you could confide in me your deepest thoughts. You glanced toward the mother and the kid, then at me, rolled your eyes and said in a loud voice: “Man, some people need to learn how to control their f**king kids.” The lady could definitely hear you, but I guess that was your intention. You had this expression like you were expecting a high five. “Yeah, put it here, dude, you really told that young mother and her three year old off! Nice!” Is that how you thought I’d respond? What is it about me that made you think I would react that way? You’re the second stranger in the last few months to say something like that to me about a mom with a tantrum-throwing toddler.

Yeah, I didn’t respond the way you anticipated. Instead, I offered my own helpful suggestion: “Man, some people need to learn how to shut their mouths, watch their language, and mind their own business.” You looked at me like I hurt your feelings, then you muttered some choice words under your breath — as cowards are wont to do — and walked away. Later that day you sent me an email, threatening to tell everyone that I’m “abusive” and “crappy” to my listeners. Well, now I’m one step ahead of you. Now, everyone knows about my shameful “abuse.” Let them decide who’s the bully: the guy who vulgarly insults a woman while she’s dealing with a difficult child, or the guy who tells the guy who insulted the woman to shut up and go away?

After you left, injury was quickly added to insult when her kid bumped into a display and knocked a bunch of stuff onto the ground. I started to help pick it all up, but she said she wanted her son to do it because he’s the one who made the mess. Touché, madam. Nicely played. A lot of people would buckle under the pressure of having sonny going psycho in aisle 7, while, seemingly, the whole world stops to gawk and scrutinize, but this lady stayed cool and composed. It was an inspiring performance, and it’s too bad you missed the point because your feeble mind can only calculate the equation this way: misbehaving child = BAD PARENT.

I’m no math major, but that calculus makes no sense. A kid going berserk at a grocery store doesn’t indicate the quality of his parents, anymore than a guy getting pneumonia after he spends six hours naked in the snow indicates the quality of his doctor. Grocery stores are designed to send children into crying fits. All of the sugary food, the bright packaging, the toys, the candy — it’s a minefield. The occasional meltdown is unavoidable, the real test is how you deal with it. This mother handled it like a pro. She was like mom-ninja; she was calm and poised, but stern and in command.

See, I figure there are two types of people who mock and criticize parents whose children throw tantrums in public. The first is — from what I gathered based on your age (you looked about 19? 20, perhaps?) and what you said in your follow up email — your type: the non-parent who thinks, if they ever have kids, they’ll discover the secret formula that will prevent their hypothetical son or daughter from ever crying in front of other people. Then they promptly scrutinize and chastise real parents for not having this fake, imaginary, impossible, non existent formula. This sort of non-parent doesn’t realize that, unless they plan on using a muzzle and a straightjacket, there is nothing they can do to tantrum-proof their toddler.

Fine. Ignorant non-parents, who don’t know what they’re talking about, imposing ridiculous standards on actual parents because it makes them feel superior. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. As bad as you people are, you’re not nearly as horrible as the second type: actual parents with grown children who judge other parents, as if they haven’t been in the exact same situation many times. I had an older guy complain to me recently about babies that cry during church. He said: “Back when our children were babies, you didn’t have this problem.” Interesting. Apparently babies didn’t cry in the 50′s. The whole “crying baby” thing is a new fad, it would seem. These folks who had kids a long time ago seem to have a rather selective memory when it comes to their own days of parenting young kids. They also tend to dismiss the fact that modern parenting presents unique challenges, some of which didn’t apply several decades ago. I always love the older folks who lecture about how THEIR kids weren’t as “attached to electronics” as kids are nowadays. That’s probably true, but mainly because, well, YOU DIDN’T HAVE ELECTRONICS. You had a toaster and a black and white TV with 2 channels, both of which were pretty easy to regulate. But, sure, congratulations for not letting your kids use things that didn’t exist. On that note, I have a strict “no time machines or hover-boards” policy in my home. It is stringently enforced. I’m thinking of writing a parenting book: “How to Stop Your Child From Becoming Dependent Upon Technology That Isn’t Invented Yet”

Anyway, listen, I don’t think you, of all people, should be telling other folks what they “need to learn.” If you just shut up and paid attention, you’d realize that YOU could learn plenty from mothers like the one we both encountered yesterday. I know I have lots and lots to learn as a young parent, which is why I’m always prepared for a more experienced parent to take me to school and teach me a thing or two, even if they don’t know they’re doing it. Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do. You shouldn’t scrutinize parents when you aren’t one, for the same reason I wouldn’t sit and heckle an architect while he draws up the blueprint for a new skyscraper. I know that buildings generally aren’t supposed to fall down, but I don’t have the slightest clue as to how to design one that won’t, so I’ll just keep my worthless architectural opinions to myself.

That’s a strategy you might consider adopting.

In any event, it was nice meeting you.




themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/

[pedanticwench]

Yeah this blog post in nice and all, but the guy is kind of douche. Check out his post on "Christianity has done more for science than atheism ever could."

[mominatrix]

Sept 16, 2013 14:04:03 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Yeah this blog post in nice and all, but the guy is kind of douche. Check out his post on "Christianity has done more for science than atheism ever could."

you know, I just went there, and... yeah.  ITA.

[pedanticwench]

He's also against vaccines.

Where did you find this blog?

[mominatrix]

Sept 16, 2013 14:09:56 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

He's also against vaccines.

Where did you find this blog?

this post is popping up all over my facebook

[pedanticwench]

Ohh. I figured you weren't a regular follower.

His posts keep getting weirder as I scroll down, lol.

An example: Just remember: Gays should be free to choose who they marry because of freedom of association, but business owners shouldn’t be free to choose who they do business with because only bigots believe in freedom of association.

[thebulldog]

Can i just throw out there as a non-parent that not all of us are douches?

If your kid is throwing a fit somewhere, i do not think you are a bad parent, that i could do better, or you are somehow blind to the fact your kid is throwing a fit. I am just thinking poor kid and/or poor parent and carrying on. More often i don't think anything bc why should I? Kids make noise. That's it.

I am growing weary of this non-parents must hate all kids and parents...we are not all assholes i promise.



i be typing from me phone. typos and grammer dont count.

[Deleted]

I have not looked at any of the posts this guy has done, but I like this post. And I was thinking something similar about a lot of the FB memes and blogs going around lately chastising mothers (or fathers) for daring to play on their smartphones and not giving their child 100% of their attention while their child plays on the playground. You know what my mom did while I played at the playground? I have no idea, because she usually didn't go with us, it was the 1980s, parents didn't roll that way, so shut up about me and my phone. I hate the simple idea that parents judge me for a single snapshot of behavior of mine or my child's they see in public on any given day and then people feel the need to write blogs about it.

[wawa]

Sept 16, 2013 14:43:54 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

I have not looked at any of the posts this guy has done, but I like this post. And I was thinking something similar about a lot of the FB memes and blogs going around lately chastising mothers (or fathers) for daring to play on their smartphones and not giving their child 100% of their attention while their child plays on the playground. You know what my mom did while I played at the playground? I have no idea, because she usually didn't go with us, it was the 1980s, parents didn't roll that way, so shut up about me and my phone. I hate the simple idea that parents judge me for a single snapshot of behavior of mine or my child's they see in public on any given day and then people feel the need to write blogs about it.

I am filing this and "we have a strict no hoverboards or time machines policy in my house" away for future use...

[bhnumbers]

Sept 16, 2013 14:43:54 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

I have not looked at any of the posts this guy has done, but I like this post. And I was thinking something similar about a lot of the FB memes and blogs going around lately chastising mothers (or fathers) for daring to play on their smartphones and not giving their child 100% of their attention while their child plays on the playground. You know what my mom did while I played at the playground? I have no idea, because she usually didn't go with us, it was the 1980s, parents didn't roll that way, so shut up about me and my phone. I hate the simple idea that parents judge me for a single snapshot of behavior of mine or my child's they see in public on any given day and then people feel the need to write blogs about it.

ITA

my mom had her head buried in a book for my entire childhood, you know, when she wasn't cleaning, cooking and keeping our household running. she wasn't keeping an eagle eye on our every movement because someone was gettin' some in a Johanna Lindsey novel and she needed to see about that!

[Alyssa]

It comes down to parenting. Even as a mom of two littles if I see another parent with a child acting up....running loose through a store or screaming their heads off. If the parent is flat out ignoring the bad situation, then I get judgy. If the mom is acting frantic, trying to rush things and trying to get the child to calm down, then I feel for her....I've been there.

[elleblue]

Sept 16, 2013 15:48:41 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

I give parents who's children are having a meltdown in a grocery story or something slack. I don't expect you to leave your cart full of shit because Junior is spazzing at not being able to get a box of Cocoa Puffs. Same goes for a plane. I mean, it's irritating but WTF are you supposed to do, toss him onto the wing?

HOWEVER. If your child is having a meltdown in the goddamn movie theater, or at a restaurant, and you are just sitting there ignoring them and they are still doing it after 5 minutes I am going to be pissed. Take them out of the goddamn theater/restaurant/etc. And yeah, I know that some people are all "I just ignore my child when they have a tantrum and they eventually stop". And that's fine. At your house. But if I'm trying to enjoy my seafood alfredo or watch Jack Frost zip around on his flying stick thingy and your preshus is screaming in my ear for ten minutes while you ignore him you run the risk of me turning to him and giving him a hard staredown that just might take ten years off his life.

Yep. Take them outside. You can ignore their behavior just as easily there as in the restaurant/theater/whatever.

[sushi]

Sept 16, 2013 14:54:11 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

a fit in public when LB was little gave me so much anxiety that i had to go on meds. now, at age 4, i can tune out her whineying and i hope everyone else in the store can, b/c i aint leaving shit. i have never had a fit last more than a few aisles, tho.

It took you 4 years to learn to ignore whining, and I'm supposed to learn it in a few minutes?

I mostly tease. I am much more forgiving IRL about parents with noisy children. I definitely sympathize with toddler tantrums. But I'll be with Nugget giving a hard stare if it's a restaurant or movie.

[ttt]

It's just not that hard to get away from a crying kid in the grocery store. Grab your cereal and go to another aisle. That's why I don't care about that sort of thing in stores (from other kids- my kids are generally really well behaved in public and save most of their crap for home).

But restaurants, movie theaters, you can't just get up and walk away - that's why I think parents have an obligation to take their kids out.

[simplyinpenguin]

As a person who works in a grocery store, I'm alllllways hearing children scream here and there. I know these kids are usually pulled into the grocery store around nap time and they're cranky, but I'm very annoyed by the ones that scream and cry like they're being murdered, when it's all about Junior wanting a candy bar. Those kids, I admit, I'm secretly pleased when they're punished publicly. Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

[EllieArroway]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

^o)

[vanillacourage]

Well, this post took a turn. 

[sushi]

Um...

[meshaliuknits]

How did the kid manage to pull the change machine apart?

[IIOY]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

Those kids, I admit, I'm secretly pleased when they're punished publicly. Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

Well, aren't you a peach!

[elleblue]

Sept 16, 2013 22:57:37 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

How did the kid manage to pull the change machine apart?

This is where I'm at. I'm so confused.

[Deleted]

Sept 17, 2013 9:20:43 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Oh lord are we going to start side-eyeing parents who slap their kids' hands?

well yeah, I mean, I would have just punched him. 
pansy ass parents these days. kids are so entitled

[Deleted]

If judging someone who slaps a 2 year old "hard" is dramatic, nugget, then so be it. There is never a reason to slap a 2 year old.

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

No, this is a terrible strategy. My kids don't forget that easily. But more importantly, if you say no, you can't give in (or pretend to give in? Way to instill trust). This only ensures more whining next time.

I do sometimes offer a reward for good behavior, but only if it's my idea, not theirs.

Listen, I've been a grocery store clerk, too, (18 years later, I still remember the produce codes) and crying kids are just part of the deal. Like fluorescent lighting and customers who yap on their cell phone during check out.

I'm glad my clerks are more compassionate. When I apologize, they say, "No, don't apologize. It's just kids being kids." Then they usually try to distract and cheer them up with a sticker.

[ElizabethBennet]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

As a person who works in a grocery store, I'm alllllways hearing children scream here and there. I know these kids are usually pulled into the grocery store around nap time and they're cranky, but I'm very annoyed by the ones that scream and cry like they're being murdered, when it's all about Junior wanting a candy bar. Those kids, I admit, I'm secretly pleased when they're punished publicly. Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

You are so weird.

[AJL]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

As a person who works in a grocery store, I'm alllllways hearing children scream here and there. I know these kids are usually pulled into the grocery store around nap time and they're cranky, but I'm very annoyed by the ones that scream and cry like they're being murdered, when it's all about Junior wanting a candy bar. Those kids, I admit, I'm secretly pleased when they're punished publicly. Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

[beeks]

Sept 16, 2013 22:15:52 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

As a person who works in a grocery store, I'm alllllways hearing children scream here and there. I know these kids are usually pulled into the grocery store around nap time and they're cranky, but I'm very annoyed by the ones that scream and cry like they're being murdered, when it's all about Junior wanting a candy bar. Those kids, I admit, I'm secretly pleased when they're punished publicly. Like the other day when at a checkout line, this woman was paying for her groceries and her 2 year old didn't like the fact that he wasn't getting attention. He ended up reaching over and pulling our machine, that distributes change, apart. Mom turns around and, lightning quick, slaps his hand HARD. Yeah, NOW he had something to cry about.

I like the parents who avoid the inevitable "But I wannnnnnt iiiiiiit" tantrum by saying yes to the item and then distracts the kid while she hands the said "I waaaant" item to one of us to put away. They never notice and there's no screaming.

Please never have children.