Someone please tell me I'm being stupid (NSOR)

[mandimija]

So, my friend is getting married next month. I adore this friend. However, I'm starting to get a bit annoyed with the wedding.

Like a few other BMs, I'm on a budget. Some of us are students, some are recent grads, and then you have me, who is putting her life back together after a nasty divorce (and supporting two houses while we get this one sold has been hard on my pocketbook).

So, I deal with the $175 dress. When it comes to shoes, she picked out a pair, then told us just to pick whatever we wanted as long as it was a certain color. Flats or heels are fine. I find a pair that works well with my foot (I have freaky dancer's feet and I'm recovering from a sprained/dislocated foot joint that landed me on crutches for four weeks...I just got off them) and is in the proscribed set of requirements. I'm avoiding heels at all costs right now because of the aforementioned foot issues, and I hesitate even with large wedges, which I tell her oh, a month or so ago when she asks about shoes. They're leather/rhinestone sandal things, and something I'd wear to a formal event. They're also flats, so my feet can actually stand them. I text her a picture and try to call. I wait an hour and call again. She doesn't pick up, so I shrug and go ahead and buy them.

She asks later where I bought them (DSW) and doesn't sound happy. She texts today to tell me that they're not formal enough, and that she would be picking out my shoes after her sister visits.

I know this is her day. I know that it's entirely the bride's prerogative to pick out shoes for the BMs. But I'm annoyed that I tried to contact her before I buy the shoes, and she waits almost a week before bothering to tell me that the shoes won't work, even though I made damn sure to fit her set of requirements.

I guess I just don't get the shoe thing, or the bridesmaids have to look exactly alike thing.

Tell me I'm being petty and stupid. This isn't the only thing that's getting on my nerves, but I'm beginning to lose a bit of patience.

I may DD this later.

[stephbfan]

I guess it depends on the shoe. Do you have a link or picture?

She might pick out something that she likes better and fit your requirements. If you can return the shoes, I would have no issue with it. But if you had to pay for another pair of shoes out of your pocket I would definitely refuse.

I really dont see what the huge thing with weddings about being only for the bride and all that.

[bookworm]

That's ridiculous that she is making you wear different shoes. I honestly don't understand brides like that. It really isn't a big deal! Her wedding will be just as lovely regardless of the BMs shoes. I mean, maybe if you planned to wear tennis shoes (for a non medical reason) then I'd say something as a bride, but a nice flat is no big deal.

You are not being stupid!

[jojoandleo]

Uh, no. I think making bridesmaids buy specific shoes is crap. I think her waiting this long to tell you those shoes don't work is crap. I think you are validated.

People are picky about shoes. Different people have different feet. Some people can't wear heals. It is just petty to make the bridesmaids all wear the same shoes. No one is going to look at your feet. Also, I love shoes too much to waste money on a pair I will never wear again.

I'm also cranky right now, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think your friend is being a bridezilla.

[mandimija]

Unfortunately, I have no picture/link. But it's not something I'd just wear to the store. Maybe on a date, if I were trying to dress up. What seems to be coming out is that to the bride, formal=heels. If that's the case, then don't tell me that flats are fine to begin with! She also wants everyone to wear the same shoe (which is the opposite of what she told us about three weeks ago). Grr.

I'm checking on returns. I guess I'm odd in that I want to try on the shoe before I buy it. When I say that my feet are screwed up, I'm serious. 18 years of dancing pointe, dance team, modern, jazz, tap, you name it other than pole dancing has left my feet so royally fucked up that it's not even funny. I'm not the biggest fan of shoe shopping because it's such a pain in the ass (new shoes=fun; the process of trying them on and finding one that actually fits my crazy foot and looks cute=not so much) But if she wants me in heels, fine. I will deal with it, but hell if I'll wear the damn things again.

At this point, I'm more annoyed that she's being so damn particular *after* I bought the damn shoes *and* that she waited a fricking week to tell me that said shoes won't work, especially when I tried to ask her before I even bought the damn things.

[stephbfan]

Do not wear a heel. If she doesn't like it, then screw her. I cannot believe this "friend" of yours thinks shoe her princess idea of her wedding more important than her friend's safety.

Do not wear the heels.

[bookworm]

It's definitely not odd to want to try on shoes before you buy them. I have pretty standard size 9 feet and I basically never shop online for shoes. The one time I did, even though I wear size 9 in basically anything, the flats didn't fit. Just my luck!

Anyway, you are being completely rational and the bride isn't!

[doriswe]

1. DSW has an amazing return policy
2. Do not wear heals
3. I don't get the whole OMG everyone needs to match for my pretty pretty princess day....dude, no one cares what the BMs are wearing!

[mandimija]

Clarification: I do own a pair of heels (exactly one that I wear on rare occasions) and few pairs of decent-height wedges. I haven't worn either one since my foot injury because I'm in no mood to push it. When BF and I hike, I wear my Nikes, thick socks, and lace them nice and tight to keep everything in place.

I think that she and I are both just annoyed in general because of different expectations. When I got married, she was gung-ho and very excited. Now it's her turn, and I think that she expects the same out of me. While I'm excited for her and think that her FI and she are great for each other (worked with her FI for a few months and went shopping to help find the perfect ring for her, snuck him her parents' phone number (with her mother's blessing) so that he could ask her family's blessing prior to the proposal, went shopping with her for her dress, and offered to take her fascinator shopping in NOLA, painted her a monogram to match her wedding colors, gave my opinion when asked and listen to her talk about her wedding when she wants to talk or vent, played therapist when she had fights with her FI), I'm not gung-ho about weddings in general (not that I really was to begin with, even with my own). I'm not necessarily cynical about them or 'over' them. I just never caught the 'wedding fever' bug. Like, ever. Even as a little girl.

[mandimija]

Doris, that's what I was thinking. I just don't remember caring what my BMs had on their feet. I don't remember any bride really caring about shoes beyond the color. I do remember asking for black shoes of any kind. Hair was up to their own discretion, though my cousin, who owns a salon and is a fabulous stylist offered to do everyone's hair as a favor to me. It was up to them as to what they chose.

[BookLover]

Sorry, but your friend is being a bitch! You had an injury to your foot, she should at least understand that. If all the bridesmaids want to match, that's cool, but it isn't the end of the world if they don't. Besides, no one really looks at the shoes.

[roselis]

The bride is asking too much I think. I agree with the PPs

[BlueBayou]

I have never left a wedding giving a damn about what any BM's were wearing, good or bad. This seems overboard.

[Deleted]

Listen just tell her straight up you can not wear the shoes she picks out because of your injury(im sure she is aware of it)
Tell her your health comes before her pp shoes.
If she has an issue with it back out.

[mandimija]

Thanks, ladies. It's good to know that I'm not overreacting or just being cranky (totally possible with this house shit going on on top of her beebee crap).