Does this make me *that* mother?

[dixienormous]

New nanny started last week. She's ok-ish. Confessed to H that she has ADD and an anxiety disorder that she's on medication for. While I appreciate the disclosure, seems a like something she'd not want to tell her employer about. I semi-question her judgement on that.

Anyway, she comes from an aide in a classroom background and seems to need a LOT of guidance on things to do with PF. Which is fine. I'm putting together an hour by hour run down of the schedule and giving very specific activities to do. I want to give her a chance before looking for someone else and I don't want to come off as a tyrant-mommy. 

[ECB]

I assume she asked for guidance? If so, I think that's a good thing. But at the same time- it strikes me as not really being a "natural", so to speak. Now- I'm not a natural w/ kids myself, but that's why I never went into teaching/childcare world. KWIM?

[captainmel]

It seems like if she's asking for guidance she just wants to get things right. She probably is concerned about what she can and can't do with PF and she doesn't want to push PF to do thing she isn't ready to do.

I would wait it out and evaluate after a couple of months. As long as PF is happy and likes her I think I would stick it out.

[motzie]

It sounds like she just wants to make sure she's doing things exactly your way with PF. How long has she been working for you now?

[motzie]

Also, there are plenty of things that can make someone "that mother". I know what mine are, and I own it, but this doesn't sound like one of those things. This person is her caregiver 40+ hours a week. It HAS to be a good fit.

[partiallysunny]

Give her time.

Why she may not be a "natural" (to steal ECB's term), she seems eager to learn, at least.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 17, 2013 12:26:35 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Give her time.

Why she may not be a "natural" (to steal ECB's term), she seems eager to learn, at least.

This. It sounds like she is trying.

[margarita]

It sounds like she's really trying. If she's an anxious person by nature, maybe having as many lists/specifics as possible is giving her the confidence she needs to take care of PF to the best of her ability.
It could also be that she's not a good fit, which isn't something you should feel like you have to compromise on. But I'm just wondering if for her, it's more about reassurance than anything else, KWIM?

And, no, this does not make you *that* mother. No worries.

[captainmel]

Oh , and if it makes you feel any better, Boyfriend told me I was being that mom after I took River to the vet a few weeks ago. I kept saying things like "Dr thinks River is the cutest cat ever" and "Dr thinks River is the smartest cat ever" and "Dr thinks River is just so impressive for gaining so much weight"

He finally was like, "I like River but you're being a little crazy"

[dixienormous]

She didn't ask for guidance. It's something we noticed. TV on when we come home, same toys and books out.

Also she's a smoker. I don't *think* she's smoking around PF but there is definitely a smell of "smoker's clothing" in the apartment when she leaves. Would me asking her to be sure not to smoke around PF be too much? My gut is saying no. My head is saying, "stop being such a bitch."

[margarita]

No, no. You know what you're doing. If you don't want her to smoke around PF, I think it's okay to say so. Trust your gut.

[partiallysunny]

Sept 17, 2013 13:36:58 GMT -5 dixienormous said:

She didn't ask for guidance. It's something we noticed. TV on when we come home, same toys and books out.

Also she's a smoker. I don't *think* she's smoking around PF but there is definitely a smell of "smoker's clothing" in the apartment when she leaves. Would me asking her to be sure not tlo smoke around PF be too much? My gut is saying no. My head is saying, "stop being such a bitch."

In that case, I think you might want to keep looking.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 17, 2013 13:36:58 GMT -5 dixienormous said:

She didn't ask for guidance. It's something we noticed. TV on when we come home, same toys and books out.

Also she's a smoker. I don't *think* she's smoking around PF but there is definitely a smell of "smoker's clothing" in the apartment when she leaves. Would me asking her to be sure not to smoke around PF be too much? My gut is saying no. My head is saying, "stop being such a bitch."

Too much?? I think you are WELL within your right to ask her to not smoke around PF at all!

[dixienormous]

Sept 17, 2013 13:55:16 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Sept 17, 2013 13:36:58 GMT -5 dixienormous said:

She didn't ask for guidance. It's something we noticed. TV on when we come home, same toys and books out.

Also she's a smoker. I don't *think* she's smoking around PF but there is definitely a smell of "smoker's clothing" in the apartment when she leaves. Would me asking her to be sure not tlo smoke around PF be too much? My gut is saying no. My head is saying, "stop being such a bitch."

In that case, I think you might want to keep looking.

We want to give her a chance. This is only her second week and possibly with the guidance of a very structured afternoon she could be fantastic. We'll give her 2 weeks after implementation of the schedule before making a decision. 

This is hard because our old nanny was soooooooooo wonderful.

[captainmel]

I think making sure she's not smoking is really reasonable.

[dixienormous]

Sept 17, 2013 14:46:08 GMT -5 sxia said:

The more you say, the less I like her. I would put up a nanny cam and check it out, and also never ever ever smoking in front of or around your child. She can smoke before and after she is at work. If she needs a smoke break, tough.

I have no problem with ADD or her wanting a schedule, though.
Are her initials MB? She sounds like my sister in law from the anxiety disorder to the oversharing with bosses to the smoking.

I'm pretty sure she's not smoking during her time at our house. I just want to make sure. 

[starrieskies]

Even as a smoker, I think that it's perfectly understandable to ask her not to smoke around PF. I am wierd about stuff like that though. I do not smoke in front of or around DS, ever.

[dixienormous]

Update

She is not the smoker, her husband is. Check.

We spoke on Tuesday and she asked me for activities for them to do. I told her i was already putting things together for them. She seemed VERY pleased with that. She also told me that she wants to be sure she's doing everything she can for PF and that she really likes us.

So I'm currently building a bunch of activities for them and for today and tomorrow I have books, puzzles and imagination play for them.

[motzie]

This is a good update. I'm sure she's just feeling things out. Some people are more confident with things like this, but I think just because she isn't like that up front, doesn't mean she isn't right for the job. Give it a little time and see how you feel.

[ECB]

O.k. - good update. It sounds like she just needs more guidance than your last nanny but that she's open to learning. Which is good.

[starrieskies]

I like this as well. It sounds like she really wants to do a good job for you guys.

[captainmel]

I think this seems good!

[tiramisu]

This sounds like a good update! I hope things work out and that she responds elk to the added structure and guidance.

[Muddled]

Remember that the last nanny already knew PF before she started working for you, so she didn't need that adjustment period.