Riddle me this....

[Bridey]

Lurking again got me thinking. Why is it when a gal vents or makes a derogatory comment about her Husband or S/O so many people jump on the bandwagon saying leave him, kick his ass out the door?What happen to better or worse till death do us part? I can see the advice is valid if he is using your head as a punching bag.

[alabasterangel]

Valid question. Unfortunately for better or worse includes the occasional worse. My husband recently fucked up in a hugely ridiculously stupid manner. I am confident that most people would say I would be justified if I divorced him.

Or.. We could go to counseling.. And try again..

You know.. Because we are *married*. FFS.

[Deleted]

I think it's because marriage isn't viewed as permanent anymore. I remember seeing an ad in a magazine a few years ago for cookware. It was in a bridal magazine and it was something like "if you don't get what you want the first time, you can always remarry and try again". I was highly offended at that.

[ILikeSloths]

Yeah, it seems like people on these boards are always quick to say "dump his ass!" due to one mistake when they don't even know the full story. Like Otter said, marriage seems less permanent these days and divorce has become easier, more common, and more acceptable.

That said, I think some things are hard to forgive and forget so I understand why divorce happens and don't judge people who choose that option. But the mentality that divorce is the answer to every little mistake or rough spot is sad.

[louietunes]

That's why I like this board. Not only do they not pressure me to have kids, but when I write a post about my H driving me crazy because he can't decide if he likes his job or not, the responses are "we're here for you" and " I hope he makes a decision soon so you can get piece of mind." No one here, after about a year and a half or so, has ever, EVER suggested I leave my husband. I love you girls! You're REAL!

[Deleted]

Awww, there is a lot of love around here! I love that people don't get all DTMFA on this board...it's refreshing, it's real, it's a better mentality and, hey, it's cheaper than a divorce to work it out, right?

[honeydew1894]

I noticed this too Bridey. And what's worse is how bad they make the gal feel if she does try to make it work. Everyone has their own ideas about what deal breakers are, but most of the time I think you should try to work it out. If you didn't want to work hard to make it work, why did you marry the person?

[ridethelightning]

I think marriage is forever. Exceptions are abuse and possibly cheating. I know those exceptions may be different for other people. I don't judge you if they are, unless your reason is "we fell out of love" or "it's too hard." Why, yes, relationships take effort. And I believe if love ceases to be a feeling, you turn it into a verb, and the feeling will likely creep its way back in.

[Deleted]

It's so easy to just tell someone on a internet forum to "leave the POS". Also it's all about how one portrays their SO on here. If all you read about a particular SO is really shitty stuff from the same poster then it's hard for anyone who follows her posts to even be objective. I've been guilty of that.

Have you seen any of the posts by Evee (I think on ML)? Based on her posts, her H sounds like a total douchenozzle. She puts out there so many negative things about him, then when other people start posting about what a lazy bum he is, she's gets all butt-hurt and tries to backpedal and defend him. I'm not saying it's right, but if you're going to plant the negative seed in people's heads, it's hard to change people's first impression.

[Deleted]

I think another problem is that people always post the bad things about their H, but hardly ever anything good, so it looks like the guy is nothing but a jerk. It paints them in a bad light.

[sapphire bou]

Jun 22, 2012 8:51:17 GMT -5 @otterama said:

I think another problem is that people always post the bad things about their H, but hardly ever anything good, so it looks like the guy is nothing but a jerk. It paints them in a bad light.

This is why I rarely ever say anything about my H and if I do, it's a positive thing. Yeah, he grates on my nerves sometimes, but I'm the one who married him, so I'm the one who needs to deal with him.

I learned this the hard way on forums and also in my life in general when talking to my mom and sister. If you only tell them the bad stuff, that's all their going to know.

[duff]

Jun 22, 2012 8:51:17 GMT -5 @otterama said:

I think another problem is that people always post the bad things about their H, but hardly ever anything good, so it looks like the guy is nothing but a jerk. It paints them in a bad light.

This, for sure. Personally, I have a tendency to complain and over exaggerate, so I just don't mention anything unless it's really, really bothering me and I know that just getting it out there will help me feel better.

[MyName]

I think I would be more likely to murder my H than divorce him. Lol

[winofairy]

Jun 22, 2012 9:57:51 GMT -5 MyName said:

I think I would be more likely to murder my H than divorce him. Lol

:Y: