Gaultie, recognize the ways he shows you that he cares, but don't be afraid to tell him what you need from him to feel loved and secure. He wants that, too.
Gaultie, recognize the ways he shows you that he cares, but don't be afraid to tell him what you need from him to feel loved and secure. He wants that, too.
I agree with muddled. You're still learning each other and sometimes just saying what you need will help. As my H says I can't read your mind. Please just tell me, I can't read subtle differences as well as you.
I agree with muddled. You're still learning each other and sometimes just saying what you need will help. As my H says I can't read your mind. Please just tell me, I can't read subtle differences as well as you.
He has said this before. "I can't read you, so just tell me. Put your hand down my pants."
lol It doesn't help that when I feel a lot of anxiety, I shut down.
I agree with muddled. You're still learning each other and sometimes just saying what you need will help. As my H says I can't read your mind. Please just tell me, I can't read subtle differences as well as you.
He has said this before. "I can't read you, so just tell me. Put your hand down my pants."
lol It doesn't help that when I feel a lot of anxiety, I shut down.
Sure. You have to talk about these things before the situation comes up. So, like, now.
Hey, BF, I know that last week was difficult because all this was going on and I know enough about myself to know that, even though I'm working on it, it will happen again. When it does, it would really help me if you would X.
Gaultie, recognize the ways he shows you that he cares, but don't be afraid to tell him what you need from him to feel loved and secure. He wants that, too.
Post by captainmel on Sept 19, 2013 12:36:06 GMT -5
Sometimes when I get really anxious about something I have an ugly crying fit similar to what you described. Boyfriend still isn't used to them and he wants an instant fix for them. He has a really hard time understanding that sometimes I just want to express my feelings.
Hugs, I think you're doing everything right and it will just take time to figure out what each other needs.
He has said this before. "I can't read you, so just tell me. Put your hand down my pants."
lol It doesn't help that when I feel a lot of anxiety, I shut down.
Sure. You have to talk about these things before the situation comes up. So, like, now.
Hey, BF, I know that last week was difficult because all this was going on and I know enough about myself to know that, even though I'm working on it, it will happen again. When it does, it would really help me if you would X.
Shit, I agreed with muddled in the SO post and I'll agree with her now. If you shut down with you're anxious, you need to talk to him when you aren't anxious. And if you aren't 100% sure of what you will need at the EXACT moment you are anxious it is okay to say something like "typically what helps me is x, y, or z. So if you could try one of those things, I'd really appreciate it".
I have NO doubt you guys can work this out. You're just learning about each other and it takes time and good communication.
Sure. You have to talk about these things before the situation comes up. So, like, now.
Hey, BF, I know that last week was difficult because all this was going on and I know enough about myself to know that, even though I'm working on it, it will happen again. When it does, it would really help me if you would X.
Shit, I agreed with muddled in the SO post and I'll agree with her now. If you shut down with you're anxious, you need to talk to him when you aren't anxious. And if you aren't 100% sure of what you will need at the EXACT moment you are anxious it is okay to say something like "typically what helps me is x, y, or z. So if you could try one of those things, I'd really appreciate it".
I have NO doubt you guys can work this out. You're just learning about each other and it takes time and good communication.
Thanks, you guys.
We have another busy weekend but I'm going to find some time to let him know some of these things.
Post by dixienormous on Sept 19, 2013 13:50:15 GMT -5
Start wearing a shirt with velcro on it. Have a sign that you can attach to yourself to explain what needs to be communicated for those anxiety-ridden times that you're tongue tied.
I'm an ass and not trying to belittle your concerns. I promise.
Post by partiallysunny on Sept 19, 2013 19:10:06 GMT -5
You've gotten great advice already. I ditto the sentiment to not be afraid to ask for what you need and it's good to.surround yourself with friends at those times you want to talk, talk, talk (even if it's just GBCN friends).