Unfamiliar territory

[sharic]

So Wednesday night after I got off work, I went to a bar and grille that I used to work at for 8 years. I hadn't been in for awhile, and when I got there, it was seriously like CHEERS, I was catching up with everyone, because I still know everyone working there, and there are a lot of regulars that I saw and talked to, as well. One of my very good friends was working that night who I actually went in to see. I sat at the bar (in her section) and would talk to her and the bartender when they weren't busy. A lady came in and sat next to me, we started talking and soon were deep in conversation, we had so much in common and I had never met her before.

I texted one of the owners to see if he was working because I always do that when I am in. (He is a single guy and is 5 years older than me). Just as I sent the text, he walked through the bar. He saw me and came over and talked to me and this woman (he knew her too)and got us both another glass of wine. He asked how I was and what I've been up to and then saw we were in conversation, and said he'd be back over in a bit. The woman then left (this is all over the course of a couple hours) and he asked what I was going to do next. I said probably just go home, and then I said "have you eaten?" He said he hadn't and asked if I wanted to go somewhere and have dinner. He asked where I wanted to go, and I told him he could pick, so he chose 2 fancier restaurants and told me to pick. He said he would drive, so I followed him to his truck. He opened the door for me, and then we went to the restaurant. He ordered a bottle of the kind of wine I was drinking at the bar and ordered an appetizer for us, and then we shared two entrees for dinner. Conversation flowed through the whole dinner and he asked how my dating life was, I told him I had only been on a couple of dates since my post-divorce relationship ended over a year ago (he knew about it, of course - and before I started dating this guy, everyone at the bar wondered if the owner and I would date, because we became close. He helped me move, he would do odds and ends around my condo, I brought balloons and a cake in for his birthday when he was working, and we were just good friends and then I got into this long-term relationship).

So after dinner, he paid the tab, and there was an area of the restaurant with comfy chairs and couches, so we finished up the bottle of wine there. We decided to go and get ice cream after. He dropped me back at my car, and we ended up kissing. This is where it gets weird, about 5 years ago, he dated one of my friends for a year. She is now happily married and has a child, but I feel a line has totally been crossed now, and don't know what to do. She knows he and I are friends (we actually all worked at the restaurant together and they dated after she left the restaurant), they both were there to help me move after my divorce, after they were broken up.

I felt really weird about everything yesterday when I would think about it. He text me during the day, and then called me after he got off work last night and we talked for awhile, he mentioned some places we should go together in the future. When we got off the phone, he said he will talk to me soon.

We have a lot in common, but I haven't thought about us in that way in a long time. Also, there is my friend, and I don't know if this is major taboo on my part. She ended it, if that matters at all, and knowing about their relationship is weird too. I just don't know and wanted to get this out there for your thoughts! Sorry so long:)

[mandimija]

First: he sounds great. Hearing this story made me smile and squee a bit for you.

I guess it depends on a couple of things: how serious were they? If they were long-term/considering engagement, then it might be weird. Maybe. If they weren't all that serious, then I don't see it being weird. It also doesn't sound as if it were a nasty breakup/bad situation, and was amicable (from what I understand). For that reason, I just don't see it being odd.

Honestly, if you're that concerned about it, ask your friend. It's five years out, and she's happily married with a child. I'm just not sure why she'd care. Given, if one of my friends began dating XH, I'd question her judgment because he's a flaming arsenugget and wouldn't want to be around him, but I wouldn't care per se. Any other guy I dated: most of them are great guys, and I'd be happy as long as my friend was happy.

[stephbfan]

Hmm I dont know. She already moved on and they dated a while ago. I would still go ahead with the relationship but I would talk to your friend.

[doriswe]

It sounds like an awesome night!! I'd just casually run it by your friend to see what she says, but honestly, 5 years?? I think she should be okay with it!

[kellbell191]

As your friend, I don't think this would bother me. About a year ago one of my good friends slept with a guy I had casually dated maybe 6 years prior. She tried to hide it from me and acted really weird about it because she thought I would be weird about it. The only thing that was weird was the fact that she tried to hide it! People change a lot and I'm happily married, if she had wanted to date him it would not have bothered me.

I would just feel her out, let her know you ran into him, ask her it would be weird if you hung out with him more one on one and see what she says or how she reacts. I think most emotionally stable well grounded people wouldn't care so long as there isn't any bad blood.

[jojoandleo]

I'll try and see if I can give any light to the friend side. (Although, the only relationship that I can relate it to was 4 1/2 years and very serious, so, it is different and she may not be weirded out.)

He was my first boyfriend and we broke up about 6 years ago. Some of my friends are still friends with him. He and I are not friends, but cordial if we see each other. Honestly, if one of my friends said she wanted to date him, I would be weirded out, but it wouldn't upset me. I wouldn't end the friendship over it or anything. He is not a bad guy and he is not someone I have feelings for anymore. Now, if they dated behind my back, that may upset me.

I say, just talk to her! I bet you she will be fine with it.

[sharic]

Well, they dated when she was still in college. They are actually 9 years apart in age (he is older), so at that point, they were just in separate stages of life. He hasn't dated a lot, but when he falls, it seems he falls hard for someone. He is very independent, and works a lot, but I am independent too. I probably won't have a conversation with her until I know for sure there is something to tell. If she saw us together, I don't think she would second-guess it because we are friends.

[theycallmeliz]

I agree. It sounds like you had a great time and I think enough time has passed that it doesnt matter. Its probably bothering you more than anyone else. You can talk to your friend, if you're still feeling weirded out by it.

[sharic]

Okay, now in reading more of the responses, maybe I should talk to her sooner than later. I definitely would not want her weirded out, it is strange - for me too! Regardless of what happens with he and I, I would feel comfortable talking to her about it, to see how she feels. She is awesome, and I definitely wouldn't risk our friendship over it:)

[jojoandleo]

Jun 22, 2012 9:16:46 GMT -5 sharic said:

Okay, now in reading more of the responses, maybe I should talk to her sooner than later. I definitely would not want her weirded out, it is strange - for me too! Regardless of what happens with he and I, I would feel comfortable talking to her about it, to see how she feels. She is awesome, and I definitely wouldn't risk our friendship over it:)

In my situation, the only nice ex I have that ended semi-amicably was my first love and I lost my virginity to him. THAT is why I would be weirded out. My main point is even with all that history, I would still be okay with it. So, I am betting your friend will be too.

[dakotadangerdog]

Jun 22, 2012 8:49:44 GMT -5 doriswe said:

It sounds like an awesome night!! I'd just casually run it by your friend to see what she says, but honestly, 5 years?? I think she should be okay with it!

THIS. Doris is wise.

[doriswe]

Jun 22, 2012 11:46:01 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Jun 22, 2012 8:49:44 GMT -5 doriswe said:

It sounds like an awesome night!! I'd just casually run it by your friend to see what she says, but honestly, 5 years?? I think she should be okay with it!

THIS. Doris is wise.

lol...can you tell a few people I know IRL that?

[Bernadine]

I do think you should talk to her sooner rather than later. If she's not upset about you seeing him (and she shouldn't be), she might get upset if she feels like you were hiding it.