My cat is an asshole. I have to burn the house down.

[bonquiqui]

Holy fuck, tell me that is a stuffed animal.  TELL ME RIGHT NOW

[sineadorebellion]

Oh shit oh shit that's huge. Did he find it in the house or did he bring it in?!

[wowhead]

He brought you a gift. You have to praise him and tell him what a good kitty he is! He did his kitty job.

[Deleted]

Did you praise him? He's just trying to feed you because he loves you and thinks you're a giant helpless kitten.

[silva]

And here I thought my cat puking up a hair ball on my pillow in the middle if the night was bad.

[urbancowgirl]

Holy shit! Good kitty?

[Monica Geller]

What a good kitty! But HOLY SHIT that is a big rodent. *shudders*

[Jalapeñomel]

I thought it was an possum too!


Gross and insanitary, cat!

[azurely]

Oh dear Lord help me if my cats ever bring me something like that.

Your are one brave woman. ::shudder::

[snickers]

Oh holy shit!

[moolarkey]

When they bring it to you, in their eyes it really is a gift. It shows they love you and you are their most important person. My parents lived in the country and sometimes had mice in the house. Holly, their cat, would lay them beside the bed on my mom's side. She always had to look before getting out of bed because you just never knew. Very occasionally she'd wake up to one laying on her, Holly wanted to be sure she saw it! Holly just adored my mom so my mom was her most important person and this was her "gift" to my mom. So glad we've never had mice in our house a) my cat can't gift me with one b) my cat would just meow menacingly at it, she'd never actually chase it though because that would be beneath her.

[cuddlyevil]

Aw, he loves you.

Our female kitty spent her first week with us leaving toy mousies on our bed. If she were allowed outside they would have been real mice.

[midnightmare81]

Sept 21, 2013 22:35:51 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

And he is mad at me. Fucker. Picture to follow from phone. Let me start by saying the fucking rodent he brought in had balls as big as a cats'. And I was sitting at my desk and he came in and sat down RIGHT BEHIND ME WITH IT. I was trapped! I finally got him to go across the hall to the bathroom, and I scooped it up in a handy amazon.com box. Now he is wandering around the house looking for his toy. And I'm looking for matches. And possibly a barf bag.

Our old family cat used to bring her gifts all the time. The best was a snake that got left for her as a surprise in her bed...

[alicenelson]

Sept 21, 2013 23:48:54 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Sept 21, 2013 23:45:44 GMT -5 azurely said:

Oh dear Lord help me if my cats ever bring me something like that.

Your are one brave woman. ::shudder::

I live alone so I have to deal with it. He does this every so often. I won't post all the pictures, but this (aside from size) wasn't the worst. alicenelson has seen all the pix on my FB as they've happened! She can vouch for the little asshole's game hunting ability. 

The segmented bodies of the Gila monsters he brings in are always a sight to behold (not actual Gila monsters, mind you, but everything's big in TX).

[Redpoppy]

My old cat Leo (a Bengal) brought sea gulls in the house twice. Damn cat. They weren't dead.

The fruit rats though, one time it wasn't dead. I was getting ready to leave and looked up at the curtains and saw it, just chilling on the curtain rod. I thought for a minute then said f it my dad could deal with it and left.

[auntie]

Sept 22, 2013 9:05:04 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Yes, there is a kitty door. With a double flap, barely cat sized. I shudder to think how he got that monster in, and I'm so glad it was dead. I kind of wonder where he's finding them, this is the third or fourth this summer. It's kind of a blur.

ETA: he has always brought all the dead things to me. It started with scorpions when he was tiny. Never to H. 

Good kitty. You'll never go hungry.

The kittehs always brought me their love offerings until DS got to be a toddler and they decided he needed nourishment more that I did. A dead mouse in the Legos bucket was a special horror but the time the himmie left one on the tracks of DS's HO train layout was almost funny. It was like the perils of Pauline.

[Redpoppy]

Sept 22, 2013 9:43:07 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

Seagulls?? Aren't those suckers huge?!!!!

Not an albatross, a regular Florida sea gull. But yes. There was something a little wild with that cat.

Yet he was petrified of doorways and had to do monster leaps through them.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

My cat is so useless when it comes to this stuff.

[Norticprincess]

When I was in HS. I got into bed one night. I couldn't figure out why there was something cold and sticky on my leg. Turned the light on. Dead Chimpmunk with a very happy looking cat sitting at the end of my bed. Flipout. Get out of bed and promptly step on the other one that was on the edge of the throw rug.

I got new sheets, couldn't convince my parents to replace the mattress because it hadn't touched it.


Our one other cat brought a live squirrel inside.

My husband wonders why I don't let our current cat out. He at least gets the we are too close to the road line.

[joshlyman]

This is a really big plus side to having indoor only cats....cause ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

But you are badass for handling that shit.

[auntie]

Sept 22, 2013 11:03:51 GMT -5 joshlyman said:

This is a really big plus side to having indoor only cats....cause ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

But you are badass for handling that shit.

My himmies were all indoor cats- they're pretty dumb as cats go. If mice didn't come into the house this wouldn't be an issue.

[bonquiqui]

This also makes me happy that they are indoor cats only.  The only thing they bring me are stuffed animals.  

[thatgirl2478]

My cats are so inadequate in the gift giving area. All I ever get are piles of puke and the occasional head bonk.

[thatgirl2478]

Sept 25, 2013 16:51:13 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Sept 25, 2013 16:48:48 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

My cats are so inadequate in the gift giving area. All I ever get are piles of puke and the occasional head bonk.

I thank God daily that he isn't a puker. I had a puking cat once and it was horrifying. Head butting I like, however. It's a sign of affection.

I've got one puker.  And one who pulls out tufts of fur for no reason (we've had him to the vet, there is nothing MEDICALLY wrong with him.  She suspects it's Psychological - but I'm NOT pilling that damn cat - he's a badger in a cat suit if you have to pill him).

[wrathofkuus]

Keep the damn cat in the house!

[notsocreepylurker]

Mine brings me live bugs from the attached garage for himself to play with. Then he plays with them, they get away and he goes on with life. Me on the other hand am freaking out because I don't know where the damn tree roach is in the apartment.

[berbles]

Oh god. Growing up, my cats were indoor/outdoor. One of them was a gift-giver. She especially liked to:

1) Bring still-alive cicadas into my parents' bedroom at 3am. And let them go.

2) Catch birds, bring them into my tiny bathroom, let them freak out everywhere, and then catch them again and kill them outside. I was slightly traumatized several times, waking up to a bloody/feathery mess in my bathroom. :shudder:

And one time, she caught a vole and let it go in my bedroom. But then wouldn't go back in to kill it. It was still VERY much alive. Until I locked the 15lb cat in there for 10 minutes. I opened the door and found a very proud fat boy, sitting in front of the two halves of the vole, still connected by an endtrail. Thanks, buddy.

[ghost]

I only get Vomit and hairballs..nothing like sliding in vomit on my way to the bathroom in the AM...fucker! There is no reason for her binging and purging. It is just what she does. Fucker!

[wowhead]

Our oldest cat has always been an indoor cat. Her gifts are rolled up pairs of socks. She leaves them for us then stands over them and meows until we tell her what a good girl she is.

[berbles]

Oh! And I just remembered that last night, at nearly 2am, my back was killing me, so I picked up my hot/cold pack to throw it in the microwave and noticed the tag felt wet. Yep. One of my fucking cats pissed all over it and the bag it was in. Fuckface asshole.